The One That Got Away  

dicegrrl 39F
146 posts
9/10/2005 2:59 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The One That Got Away

We all have one, you know, the one that got away. As I was leaving work I ran into mine. There I was just minding my own business and glad to be able to skip out of work an hour early and what do I find the second I open the door to leave? But Jeff, he's waiting to pick up someone. I believe I missed a step, thank god it was on even ground otherwise I might have fallen. So he gives me a nice smile and beckons me over to speak with him. We have a 1 minute's worth of conversation and he leaves (not waiting to pick up the woman he was waiting for).

Oh great, now I get to make my 40 minute commute and think about Jeff and wonder what happened. I usually drive home in silence to decompress and think about the days events, tonight I just thought about Jeff and our date.

That's right I said date. We only had one but it was hands down the best date I've ever had. It lasted 12 hours and included his best friend for most of it. How can you not feel "something" when you are with a person for 12 hours straight and they didn't let go of you the whole time? He was a perfect gentleman and treated me like I was the most precious woman he had ever met. I felt cherished. For the first time in a long long time I felt beautiful, intelligent and downright special. I couldn't wait for date #2!

After two weeks of busy schedules, he was quitting his job and buying a house plus my generally busy work schedule, Jeff calls me one afternoon to say "I just can't do this. My heart is not into it. I'm not ready for a relationship and if I keep seeing you I will fall for you."

How's that for mixed signals? While I was upset that he didn't even want to give it a chance I can understand. But then my low self esteem raises it's ugly head and I have wonder what I did or didn't do. Am I not worth even trying for? Was I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough? I don't need others to put me down, I do it all on my own.

This depressed me for a bit but I finally said Oh Well and moved on. Well sort of, I haven't had a date since and this was August 1, 2004 (I only remember the exact day because it's my neice's birthday as well). I just haven't felt up to the chance that I might get rejected again. I seriously thought that I had finally found someone I could love and he doesn't even think I'm worth a chance. Ouch. I was not alone in thinking this either, quite a few of my friends and coworkers had noticed us flirting and everyone thought we were going to be a permanent thing. It just seemed right.

So anyway, this was a long time ago and I have gotten over it I was just taken by surprise. I wanted to share this because I've found that blogging lets me get things out and I don't have to think about them anymore and I really don't want to spend any more time wondering "What if?" Plus it was time for you all to see that I am not a ball busting bitch who hates men, I just hate bullshit. LOL

Until next time!


open4fun2005 58M/51F

9/10/2005 2:16 pm

Glad to hear that you have gotten over this Jeff. I cant tell by your blog just how much contact the both of you had after that first date and when he called to say that "he couldnt do this". Was there a date #2 or #3? Perhaps he thought things were moving too fast...and wanted to be honest with you before you got hurt. Maybe he has had his heart broke many times and didnt want to go down that road again. You have no control what another human being does...You have no control over their emotions either. He made the choice to end a potential relationship with you. It most likely had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with you and had EVERYTHING to do with himself. You are a very attractive woman....please please dont ever put yourself down! Be confident of yourself and know that you are a worthy person. But do make fun of yourself.....I do all the time....there is a difference!!
No...you arent a ball busting bitch who hates men! Hate the game.....not the players!!


dicegrrl 39F

9/11/2005 4:14 am

I'm sorry I wasn't clear on how long I knew Jeff, my post was a little disjointed but that's what I was feeling. I had known Jeff for five years before we got the chance to go out. He one of those great guys that's always in a relationship. He had gotten out of a 4 year relationship (He was in a previous relationship for 10 years) and I gave him 9 months to get over it. I had always been attracted to him and when I finally got my chance I still had to pretty much beat him over the head to go out with me. Should have been my first clue I know. Anyway, no we didn't get to go out again.

I try not to put myself down it just all gets to me at times. I do make fun of myself all the time, you should see me at work! Grace is NOT my middle name. LOL

Thank you so much for posting! You are my most constant visitor and I was hoping that one day you would post also. Thanks for reading my bs!

Angji


open4fun2005 58M/51F

9/11/2005 7:52 am

All I can say is that it was Jeff's loss! You are a beautiful woman! Never doubt that....

I enjoy responding to other people's blogs....but I will try and post a little more often myself. ps....GRACE IS NOT my middle name either....try watching me walk around in high heel shoes...NOT A PRETTY SIGHT!! Can you say fumbling goofball?? LOL


nicecockullsee 53M

9/13/2005 11:59 am

Well...for what it's worth I have read your stuff from time to time and have a couple thoughts I'll share with you. First of all..you have beautiful eyes and are very attractive. I have seen several of your pictures on the blog. Also I can tell your an intelligent woman and I find that very appealing as well. There is something about you that I find interesting and that is why I read your stuff. So...hang in there and definately someone will be wise enough to realize that your face is one they will want to see more of or even wake up to each morning. Evidently you are somewhat picky about who you spend time with therefore you will find a special man someday soon I believe. Low self esteeem should be a non issue for you from a distant observation of mine...not knowing you. Good luck and hang in there girl.


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