I Can Suck A Grapefruit Through A Crazy Straw  

dfw_femme_fatale 46F
412 posts
6/24/2005 1:46 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

I Can Suck A Grapefruit Through A Crazy Straw

Wooo hoo it’s Friday, or as I like to call it “Phone it in Friday.” So, let’s get this blog party started. Today’s entry will be devoted to several topics. These are not listed by order of importance!

Happy Ending’s R Us Tanning
Yep, I know it’s not PC these days to tan, and admit that you like to tan, but I love it. As a friend of mine once said “fat looks better tanned,” and while that may be true, I just love the way warmth from the sun and simulated sun feels on my body. Imagine this: you have 20 minutes of uninterrupted privacy, you’re nude lying in a tanning bed, and your only entertainment is your thoughts. What would you do in this situation? I think we’re thinking the same thing … and it’s GREAT! Maybe it’s the strange location, maybe it’s because my skin feels so warm and good, maybe I’m bored, maybe it’s because it’s harder because I have to contort my body into unnatural positions to hit all the good spots. Damn it’s good; surely I’m not the only one!
Note to self: Make tanning appointment for tonight after work.

I Love My Job
I work in an office of all men (except for the receptionist) and I much prefer it to working with women. Except for one passive aggressive prick who has to spoil my hard-won-career-utopia! I won’t go into what exactly the PAP did, but I was pissed, so I’m sitting at my desk thinking, “How would another man handle this?” My answer, direct confrontation, PAP’s hate direct confrontation. I walked to his office door and in a voice loud enough for ALL our co-workers to hear asked “So we’re doing each other’s job’s now?” Calling him out for messing in my territory PAP gets this “Holy shit, deer in the headlights look” and finally stammers “I, I, I Guess So!” not necessarily the victory I was looking for … but … God he drives me insane!
Note to self: Smile smugly at PAP because while he thinks his wife is away on a business trip, I know her younger BF accompanied her. He’s thinking she’s sitting in some boring meeting … I know she’s engaged in an ankle sniffing session. Course, if he was my husband (and I hadn’t already murdered him in his sleep) I’d cheat on him too, with his father, his brother, his best friend, and his worst enemy. I wouldn’t sleep with his boss .. because his boss is my boss … and No fucking Way, not even if you paid me!

Oh No He Didn’t!
At a social occasion this week I ran into my ex-husband. It’s not all that unusual because we live in a small city. We’ve been divorced a long time, so we’re in the “pleasant” phase. He walks over and we exchange hello’s … then he says “not all women swallow when they give a blow job.” I’m not joking! He continues and says, “I never had that problem with you.” I can’t remember my response, he keeps talking and he says “You could suck a grape fruit thru a crazy straw!.” WTF? I thanked him for the compliment and walked away. The he-males (my group of male friends) say he wanted me … Ya think?
Note to self: Relay conversation to his new GF, whom I’ve nicknamed Butcherine. (Topic for a later blog)

TheDodger8 45M

6/24/2005 4:20 pm

I new it! I always suspected what went on in those tanning booths! LOL

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
6/24/2005 4:50 pm

lol interesting

Iv had my husband make simular statements to me lol

although something I've done since I was a kid was strip chicken legs bare with a single bite lol my brothers think it is an amazing party trick lol Boney knows better


ProtonicMan 48M

6/27/2005 9:04 pm

That IS a great compliment. I think bullman hit the mark: You were the good stuff.

BTW, I can't wait to read about the origin of "Butcherine."

Thanks for the fun read.


danteszippo 52M
3897 posts
6/30/2005 5:11 am

I say he wanted your mouth, tell him he get off with the memories.

danteszippo 52M
3897 posts
6/30/2005 5:12 am

can I get a tan with you?

sexfriend1963 53M

6/30/2005 10:27 am

Never tried the tanning bit, but there's a bluff in a remote location near my house... Know what you mean about the feel of the sun on your body and it's much better when shared...

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