hey ppls  

devilsfuckangel 30F
81 posts
10/24/2005 10:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

hey ppls


here is the poem that i just posted on my other blog

ANOTHER DAY

another day has come and gone
another way for me to remember the pain was found
and now my injuried soul is once agian laying on the ground
sometimes i feel so used
alone and abused
the sad part of it all is this:
i have tried for so long to let it all go
there are people in my life that try to help
and sometimes they without realizing it
bring me farther down
they don't understand the pain
to them they think i am playing a game
i never turned to drugs to deal with the shame
instead i turned to self mutilation
and to drawing my own blood
drugs would be easy to get off of
but with what i do now
i fear i might lose myself
a part of me is already dead
i don't want to go out this way
and yet i feel as if i can't take it another day
no i don't have self-pity
it may be better on me if i did
instead i have self-hate
for something i didn't cause
and yet i blame myself
my very soul is dying
silent tears for so long i have been crying
i nolonger want to live my life
and yet i find i enjoy the pain
i didn't ask to be this way
i didn't want it to happen
and yet i cut myself on the inside each and everyday
noone can see the scars i leave
but even if they could they wouldn't believe
how much on the inside i bleed
would they care
or could they
i can't walk away from this
this thing i call me
i have no way to
and even if i could
would i chose to find a different way to deal with the pain?
dear God,
will i forever be this way?

margaret
Oct-24th-2005

I just sat here and wrote this. No I don't know why i am the way i am, and even if i did i couldn't tell noone, because i don't think anyone really cares. i fell like am enmty hole, i have nothing inside of me but pain and hurt among the other things.

rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
10/25/2005 8:52 pm

Hi Tequila Angel,

i don't think you can ever let it all go ... who we are is partly determined by what has happened to us in our past

i've cut myself too when i couldn't understand why i survived cancer ... i didn't care if i lived or died but i survived while children with their whole life ahead of them, that just wanted to live, died ... i hated myself and the universe for making me survive ... i know what i went through is very different from what you had to go through but maybe it helps knowing others have felt similiar feelings when they are hurting ... i'm not the only one either ... many people here have had more reason to hurt then i have and have felt similiar feelings to what you are going through now ... you are not alone

you know i care as much as a new friend can ... i give you space because i don't want to get in the way of the love you and John are building

best wishes

always
luke

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yhea you bleed just to know you're alive


~from the song Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls~


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
10/27/2005 12:00 am

now-a-days i only feel like cutting myself when this friendly fucking site loses my comments

i wrote a long email last night and wrote some personal stuff about me ... probably best AdultFriendFinder lost the comment ... i'll tell you though Angel by email or IM if you ever want to hear it

basically the gist of what i said was that you are not alone ... many people on this site have felt the feelings you expressed in this poem ... they might have been through different things to get them to that dark place of pain and hurt but i'm sure others reading this have cut themselves and felt similar feelings ... one of our best known Presidents, Abraham Lincoln wouldn't carry a pocket knife when he was depressed because he was afraid he would harm himself

i don't believe it will always be as bad as it is now for you but it will always be a part of you ... part of who we are is made up of our past joys and pains

i may be a new friend but you know i care ... i don't stay in contact with you as much as i could because i don't want to get in the way of the relationship you and John are building but i think of you and wish happiness for you

best wishes

always
luke


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
10/27/2005 1:26 pm

Fuck sake, now that i don't want to see my initial comment the fucking thing shows up

Fuck AdultFriendFinder


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


rm_luke69iner 48M
3275 posts
10/30/2005 1:48 am

Hi Tequila Angel,

I got your email tonight and sent you an email back. Let me know if you didn't receive my return email.

Hope things get better for you.

Always,
Luke


S'io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,
Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo
.
~Dante~


redlipsprincess
(Princess Lips)
51F

11/28/2005 9:57 pm

oh sweetie...

hugs!

be strong

call on your angels

love yourself

I am sorry for your pain...

its hard but you can work through it...

TTFN


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