Have another (shovel full of bullshit) story.  

desleeped 34M
80 posts
11/16/2005 9:25 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Have another (shovel full of bullshit) story.

I sit calmly enjoying a large cinnamon roll generously covered with icing. A cup of coffee occupies my right hand, occasionally traded for a fork as I enjoy what it feels like to finally eat out spontaneously again. As my companion across the table relates a story to me about a mutual friend, I sip my coffee and enjoy my sweetly iced cinnamon roll. A man enters the restaurant, clad in a long coat, with strange bulges in the chest and waist. Shit. It can only get bad if it is what I think it is. My friend has noticed him as well and bets me $5 that someone will get hurt tonight. I accept, after all If he is gonna rob the place, he will probably grab the money and run, right? He walks into the one room restaurant and declares loudy: "Attention patrons. I am a gun-toting dirtbag. This is a hold up. If you all cooperate, I will be in and out in a few minutes and no one will get hurt. If this is like most restaurants I have been to, you will recieve your meals free of charge, due to the inconvenience. It is therefore most beneficial to you all to remain seated and not try to be a hero. Now. Empty the cash register into a to-go bag and stand against that wall." I tell my buddy that he is gonna owe me $5, because the sheep in here seem pretty cooperative. The man had produced the shotgun shortly before the speech, and now has his attention focused upon me and my friend, as we have been conversing during his speech. I enjoy another piece of cinnamon roll and wash it down with the last of my coffee.
As I refill my cup from the decanter left by the waiter, the gun-toting dirtbag aproaches my table with the gun at waist level. "Hey! Guy with the cinnamon roll. What is so important over here that you two feel like you don't have to listen?" I say,"Well, Dirtbag, my friend has bet me $5 that someone will get hurt tonight. I don't think so." I return to my coffee and cinnamon roll. Without any warning or provocation, the dirtbag grabs my coffee cup and throws it across the room, hitting a man who was using the distraction to fumble with his cell phone. "Damn it. I owe you $5 dude." I am armed with a fork. time to use it. As the dirtbag turns back to me I grab the shotgun and ram the barrel into the tables edge, throwing him off balance. I stab him in the hand with the fork, my buddy grabs him by the collar and we take him down. A quick slam face first into what's left of my cinnamon roll, and a quick tieing of the hands with the string from my hood. "Well. You win. Here's your fiver."

The moral of the story is, don't fuck with my coffee, and nobody has to get hurt.

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