depressd 42M
3 posts
11/17/2005 4:39 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm


Well.. I really don't know what I'm doing.. I feel so down.. I gave in and told her this past Wednesday that I would give her the time she needed and when she was ready to let me know. I told her that we would either go from there or not. The big problem with this. Is that I don't like uncertainties. I'm a Cancer.. So forgive me for leading with my heart. I don't really believe that she will come back to me. And whether she says that she doesn't want me to put my life on hold. I will not be able to move on until she tells me she doesn't want to be with me. So, I was feeling really down today. I ended up letting my feelings get the best of me. I ended up emailing her and telling her how much I loved her. That I didn't think she would ever come back to me. I couldn't live with the hope of her coming back. When I didn't think she would. I understood she needed her time. That it wasn't just what she needed. After I emailed her she sent me an instant message saying she was confused with the email. That she didn't know what to say. I told her that I didn't need her to say anything. That I just wanted her to know how I was feeling. That I was having a bad day. I told her I wished that she would just tell me to move on with my life. That she didn't love me anymore. I told her that the hope of her coming back to me didn't out weigh the the fear that she wouldn't. So the last words was her telling me to move on with my life with a sad face.. I don't know if I did the wrong thing or not. I just wish we were together. It just seems it doesn't matter anymore..

konkali 40F

11/18/2005 2:14 pm

I so understand how you feel.. then again, perhaps it's a cancer thing, love completely when you finally do, and be devastated when it seems like the other person just doesn't give a !.. I'm sorry you're going thru this, but i can completely empathize with what you're feeling..
hugz.. hang in there, despite the seemingly pointless outlook. , one of these days.. then again, I'm beginning to think I ought to make a "only cancerians need apply clause" to my desire to find a co-author to my life and life story.

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