FORGIVENESS MATRIX..how to forgive the unforgiveable  

deliciousngood 64F
1129 posts
6/27/2005 9:29 pm

Last Read:
1/5/2016 8:00 am

FORGIVENESS MATRIX..how to forgive the unforgiveable

I was thinking, today, about forgiveness.

It is a cleansing for us and not for the forgiven one, this is certain.But how does one forgive the unforgiveable? The act that is calculated to harm us, to wound us, to hurt us deeply and does?

To say, well, that person is mentally ill, or an alcoholic, or abused in some way seems to be a cop-out, to me. Certainly, there are those that do things for which they cannot be held accountable. But once told....PLEASE STOP you are hurting me...and they do not stop, shouldn't they be held accountable?

We all believe in the golden rule...to do unto others as we would have them do unto us.There are those who do not follow this. Their rule is do unto others before they do unto me!

So...I think the best device is to FORGET. Leave out the unreachable forgivenss that is undeserved. Just erase that person from your mind as if they did not ever exist and never did you any harm and ***POOF*** That is the truth!

Then...forgive yourself for being the gullible one, the appeasing one, the pleasing one. Your motives were pure and were taken and crushed.


keithcancook 60M
17828 posts
6/28/2005 8:56 pm

That seems reasonable to me. Still don't forget your opening line where you remind us of the truth concerning forgiveness. It doesn't free them, it frees you.


FanErotic6996 57M
1019 posts
6/28/2005 11:55 pm

just a comment on the Golden Rule - and Im paraphrasing from a book I read
The Golden Rule doesnt work. How would you like to come across a mashochist or sadist who did unto others as he would have them do unto him. Or a worshiper of a Crocodile God who craves the honor being thrown alive into a pit? Even the Samaritan who started it all - what made him think the man he found lying at the roadside wanted his help? What if the man was using these quiet moments to heal himself?

Next best thing to perfect


zrt456 57M

6/30/2005 5:58 am

The true measure of ones spiritual growth is forgiveness of the unforgivable.


bill_e_2 72M  
811 posts
6/30/2005 7:36 pm

I never quite thought of forgiveness like that. Maybe forgeting is the answer in many cases...


rm_kevnico 55M
131 posts
7/2/2005 7:01 pm

Good advice ... and it has worked in the past for me with some people. But a problem exists, when children are involved ... sometimes forgetting is not an option.


TDandH1960 56M

7/10/2005 7:52 am

Ah you've hit upon one of the problems of a Godless world, as the true act of forgiveness comes from God. True belief in God, that he is all powerful, and controls all, while still giving us free will means that any act against us, is to help us to gain our salvation, so even though the hurtful act is from another God allows it for our own good, so we should be thankful for our hurts, a lot easier said than done as our human nature rebels against forgiveness.
The modern godless world, in which we are our own gods, with no moral laws other than everyone is going to be all nicey nicey for the good of man, has a challenge when, ones actions or desires offend the others so called rights, a real dilemma, so when things don't fit thier beliefs they deny reality, just pretend it didn't happen and everythings perfect again. Sorry about the sermon.


deliciousngood 64F
1666 posts
7/10/2005 9:43 am

I am not saying that I won't forgive...but merely that I CHOOSE to LET GO of the need for the forgiven one to repent. That rarely happens in reality, so why attach one's own happiness and well-being to that need?


rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
8/3/2005 10:14 pm

Delicious, I'm going to "disagree" with you about forgetting.
That doesn't give you any closure. It just lets you hid something away. When you truly forgive someone of a wrong, then the wrong is lifted away from you... and you can walk away with a clear spirit. You have come through a wrong and have risen above it. Then, and only then, you can actually "forget" the wrong. Why? Because it no longer matters anymore.


deliciousngood 64F
1666 posts
8/4/2005 5:28 am

How do you forgive one who hurt you on purpose, lied to you every day you knew them, blamed YOU for it, and walked away unscathed, unrepentent, mocking you all the while>??? I will wonder this EVEN while I try to forget!


rm_unlistedone 65M
2718 posts
8/5/2005 2:25 am

I guess it boils down to strength of character, and the belief of why we forgive. We were told to forgive. And the belief in what we were told to do, gives us our strength of character.
Everything you said above was done to me. It took awhile, but I forgave that person. There was a terrific amount of closure, and the feeling I felt for it was total satisfaction and peace. (There is a lot to be said for peace of mind.) In the end, you are the one who becomes a better person.


ilsgicemru 72M
2822 posts
10/26/2005 7:06 am

Hurt people, hurt. Hurt people, hurt others. Hurt people, hurt themselves......."forgive them, for they know not what they do."....Forgiveness is Love.....Loved people, Love others.. Loved people, Love themselves......We break the cycle when we forgive.

I agree with unlistedone....................For me, it feels much better to Love the person who has hurt me, than to just try to forget them. There will always be a reminder, and when that happens, we will feel Love instead of hurt.


Traveler8872 62M
61 posts
7/17/2006 4:41 pm

Hello everyone,
I have never been on a blog before. This is actually the first one I have ever read and have really enjoyed everyones thoughts and poetry. You just never know where you are going to find interesting people. LOL. I like trying new things so here we go.

Anthony de Mello said it well, "No one sins in awareness." Often it looks like people are doing hurtful things on purpose. It looks like real thinking is going on, but there is no one there. An automatic, very mechanical, trance/program, is what is talking. How much human "Being" is going on in the world? Eckert Tolle asked an interesting question in "Practicing the Power of Now." He asked, "If you did not think you would get something out of the pain, why would you create it?" Forgivness comes from seeing the truth. There is nothing to forgive. There is only one of us here. Forgivness is for all of it or it is not real. To forgive the "other" and to forgive my "self" is to forgive the same thing, the illusion of seperation. I don't say this from an ivory tower. I have had to apply this in a practicle way very recently myself. I understand the power of the Trance to go off on automatic. Freedom from the suffering comes when I see it for what it is, shadows on the wall of the cave, nothing real at all, and take responsibility for how I am creating it now. Forgivness leaves me free, not just of the pain of the present, but of all the pain of the past I am bringing to what is happening now that makes it worse. Guess I'll close with a poem inspired by a friend of mine.

Blessings,
Michael

Warrior Princess:
June, 2006

Warrior Princess fierce and strong
I know your heart is true.
Together we journeyed the Netherworld of our souls
singing songs of healing.

Singing to lost parts of ourselves,
the light of Truth shining bright,
shatters the illusion of fear,
calls them home.

Newfound wholeness sprouts new life
in new directions.
Yet, our branches are forever entwined
in the Tree of Life.

Soaring now with wings of Eagles,
dancing free among the stars,
we see it clear.
All is one and we are loved.


Traveler8872 62M
61 posts
7/17/2006 4:46 pm

P.S. That certainly does not mean you should not get out of a situation that does not work for you though. It leaves you free to really let it go.


Traveler8872 62M
61 posts
7/17/2006 4:51 pm

p.s.s.

Does this qualify me for the "blog game" even though I don't have a blog myself?


rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
8/6/2006 3:31 pm

Forgiving is really a very selfish act
It will free up YOUR energy to be light and healthy!

Not forgiving will drain you of a life force more powerful
than anything one could possibly imagine!

Embrace it all..be thankful for all...let all serve..
let all go... be in present time and breathe in only love for
after all has been said and done, delicious, love is all there
really is. The rest is an illusion that we conjure up in our minds
...a joke of a sort that we somehow believes keeps us safe.

Sending you love,
your Goddess1946


Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...
{=}


Steel_Legs 59M/F

9/6/2006 12:22 am

Interesting - "Who's on your list?" is a topic post I made in bootcamp 101 a while ago, asking the same question from an opposite approach. Who would you do in? Have you or a loved one been harmed in such a way that you truly believe it is unforgiveable?

The comments I received were mostly along the lines of "forgiveness is devine" and that's all well and good, but my experience in this life is that seldom is anyone as good or as bad as they think they are.

I'll do my best to forgive myself, because that is in my control. Understanding that I would be happier if I can forgive you, I will make an effort to do so, but in the end - for me, some things are unforgiveable. If you can do it, good on ya.

Some people really do need a solid smack upside the head, and while it's not my job, I won't shirk the duty that karma occasionally lays at my feet.

Steel_Legs
Steel


KC_JJ 54M

10/23/2006 11:12 am

I often fail in my attempts to fully forgive the worst things I've encountered in my life. But I always do go back and keep trying when I realize that has happened. Sort of like getting back on the horse that threw you off. I figure practice makes perfect. Or something along those lines.

MMM [ MMM


_pinkie_ 55F
5201 posts
12/26/2006 7:04 pm

    Quoting deliciousngood:
    I am not saying that I won't forgive...but merely that I CHOOSE to LET GO of the need for the forgiven one to repent. That rarely happens in reality, so why attach one's own happiness and well-being to that need?
Very well put - I wish I had seen this much sooner. I spent 17 years "forgetting" because I WOULD NOT forgive the man who molested my infant son for 2 years. There was no way the perpetrator would ever have 'repented'. He never saw his behavior as a problem, and never felt any remorse.

But a couple of weeks ago, we heard a sermon at church about forgivness, and as my mind wandered round thinking about my past, I suddenly realized I didn't have hate in my heart anymore toward that person. I didn't feel a need for revenge anymore.

Is that forgiveness?
I don't know.
I think it must be.
I do feel more peaceful since I realized those things.
Maybe it's possible to forgive someone without even knowing you've done it.

Society tries to FORCE us to forgive others, when we're just not READY. That caused me to feel such guilt over the years.... I couldn't forgive yet, and people made me feel guilty for that. They wanted to get rid of their own discomfort over knowing I couldn't forgive, instead of thinking about what was healthy for me.

We're the ones who were trespassed against, only WE can determine when our heart has healed enough to allow forgiveness. Other people can not understand or know the depths of our pain, not even if they have been in similar circumstances. No one feels things the same as everyone else.

Forgiveness will come, but you can't put a required time frame on it, emotions just don't work that way.


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