fairy tales gone wrong! oh so wrong, LMAO  

daybreak68 39F  
800 posts
2/13/2006 2:36 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

fairy tales gone wrong! oh so wrong, LMAO


CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't
let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and
promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to
the ball,
but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will
turn into
a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes
and goes,
and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella
shows up,
looking
love struck and very satisfied.

"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm
was
supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
power!
Tell me his name!"

Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,
Peter, Peter, something or other..."
___________________________________________

PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to
visit
Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
sandpaper
wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.

A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
town
and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
_____________________________________________

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly
the Big
Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
throat,
said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"

To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and
pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're
not.
You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
____________________________________________

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge
said to
Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king
Goofy."
___________________________________________
SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him,
knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie
to me!
Lie to me!"
___________________________________________
Did you know...Captain Hook died from jock itch.
____________________________________________
One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to
him and
during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in
sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex! was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole
in the
trunk of a tree."

Horrified, she said, Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show
you how
to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground
and
spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
almighty
kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she
managed to
gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan

Dawn happyf;


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