The Worst Blind Date......  

dasher121 36M
3656 posts
4/27/2006 4:18 am

Last Read:
9/28/2006 11:32 am

The Worst Blind Date......

Back in my post Saved by the RingTone I asked peeps for their worst blind date stories. And I was definitely cracking up at some of the responses. Well I am a man of my word, I did say "tell me yours and Ill tell you mine", so here it is. The Dudes worst blind date:

I was on a regular dating site for a very short period of time. You could say that it was the starting point for leading me to this wonderfully bizarre place called FFA. It was more than a few summers ago, and I was house-sitting for my sister and her boyfriend down in the city while they were away with my family on vacation.

While on said site, I get an email from a female who lives in my old neighborhood. We had never met before but through email chat knew a lot of the same people. Now, signal flare number ONE should have gone up in my slowly dim-witted head. She didn't talk much in the email conversations. Straight to the point answers and rarely any questions back. It got a definite raised eye-brow but thats about it.

So we exchange phone numbers and one wednesday night she calls me out of the blue. Asks what I'm doing and if I want to come out with her and a girl friend of hers. At first I say no and that I cant. I remember being very low on cash but wasn't dumb enough to give that answer. She sounds a bit disappointed but says she understands. I hang up the phone. I should have left it at that, but I didn't. That was around the time I picked up the saying, "Victory rewards the bold".

I pick the phone back up and tell her yes Id like to come along, that whatever excuse I gave for not coming fell through, but I need a ride. So she meets me a few blocks from my sisters house, on the way to the area we are drinking at anyway. She pulls up and I jump in. She has TWO girlfriends with her. Piling into the back seat I recognize the girl in the back. We used to play together as little kids, she ends up being my only savior that night!

Right off the bat, blind date girl and I look at each other. No chemistry. I can tell she thinks that I'm uber lame, and she is very attractive but a complete hood rat. I know right away that my criminal record isn't extensive enough to be with her, and I talk in full sentences and have a job. So bachelor number two is not going to work.

We get to the first bar and push our way through to the back. I find a spot to stand in at the bottom of the stair case leading up to the upstairs bar. I try my best to make conversation.

I ask:

How she likes school:
(in ghetto dude voice, her not me!) "Yea, it cool."

So, you bartend on the weekends, that has to be interesting.

"Yea, it alright."

Your friend tells me you commute to and from school, do you like it?

"nah, not really."

Whats your major?


Holy shit!!! This is just freaking stupid! So I stop asking questions.

The Q and A continues like this for about 15 minutes off and on when finally someone I used to work with bumps into me. He gives me a hug and we chat. Then he eyes up the females I'm out with,

"Holy shit Dash, you are with some hotties. I like that one for sure."

He points to the girl I'm out on the date with,

Dasher: "Yeah, I'm on a blind date with her."

"Oh shit, my bad dude."

Dasher: "No no, by all means go for it man. She fucking talks like a guy and has no personality. She is all yours my man, this date is self-destructing."

He starts to laugh and makes a usual lude male comment about not being interested in what she has to say then wanders off. And at about this time, a fight breaks out in the upper bar. No one downstairs where I'm at knows it yet, but I'm the first to find out. Two dudes tackle each other into the hallway a-top the stairs I'm standing at the bottom of. One grabs a bar stool and chucks it missing his target.

The stool hurtles down the stairs at warp speed and hits me in the back of the head, launching my drink onto the girls I'm with. And yes, they all get pissy at me! Even though I'm now laid out on the ground with a fucking bar stool across my body! Two complete strangers help me up and ask if I'm ok. Then the police come running in with night sticks and up the stairs cracking skulls. Time to leave.

So now at this point I figure that this stupid date is over, that she will give me the chance to bail out and drive me back down the road. No such luck! They run into a bunch of even more ghetto looking dudes that they know and its off to a strip bar. The girl I'm supposedly with gets very friendly with me while walking to the car. And I don't mean touchy feely. But she actually makes eye contact, smiles at me, and even talks in a full sentence or two.

Like a dumb ass I climb into the car instead of walking the hour and a half home. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a very shitty strip bar. Spend my last ten dollars on shots for me and the girl I knew as a kid, she is the ONLY one out of the group that will even sit next to me let alone talk. But its not that great. She gets drunk and goes on and on and on about how her and her boyfriend hate each other, sleep around, cheat, but they are still so much in love! Yeah ok, dint hold your breath there sweetie! There's a sure fire winner of a relationship.

We stay at the nudy bar until close and then the now very large group that I'm with is leaving. They are talking about going back to the one dudes place, so I figure this is where I get to bail out. Nope, no such luck! We pile into the car and she heads straight there.

Shuffle up some rickety stairs and into this apartment. I grab a beer and sit on the couch. Next thing I know, EVERYONE goes upstairs to do some blow. So now I'm sitting by myself. This is fucking it. Do I stay here and look like even more of a fool, or do I leave and look like a putz. I steel two beers and walk out the door.

After an hour of walking, she calls my cell phone. Oh how nice, took only an hour to notice I'm not there any more. I don't answer it. Five hours later, the sun is coming up and I stumble into my sisters front door. Take off my clothes and immediately pass out on the couch. Never again to brave a fucking stupid ass blind date again!


The Dude.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
4/27/2006 6:47 am

I think you win for one of the worst dates ever! I've never been desperate enough to take off on a hike across town to escape a date...although in a situation as bad as that one, I just might be tempted.

dasher121 replies on 4/27/2006 10:03 am:
oh, funny thing is i didnt even think twice about walking. i just left! lol.

EroticaXTC 50F

4/27/2006 7:39 am

I definitely agree with hotnsultry...always have your own means of "escape", LOL...

dasher121 replies on 4/27/2006 10:04 am:
these boots were made for walking! hahaha, yes I know that now.

digdug41 49M

4/27/2006 8:14 am


roaming the cyber streets of blogland

dasher121 replies on 4/27/2006 10:06 am:
thanks man, as always i try my best hahaha. and yeah, go figure indeed!

jadedbabe78 106F

4/27/2006 8:59 am

lmao, Dude...that sucks!

I agree with the above....NEVER LEFT THEM PICK YOU UP!! Or always have a back up person to come pick up your ass!


dasher121 replies on 4/27/2006 10:07 am:
everyone seems to have the same advice here. and believe me, it has long since been noted!

pet_humility 48F

4/27/2006 10:17 am

That was to damn good to give you any
advice on, well ok you should have just done her.. lol

You lasted way longer then I would have thats for sure.
Your just to damn polite for your own good

dasher121 replies on 4/27/2006 10:28 am:
yeah, i am too damn nice sometimes. no doubt about that hahaha.

willudomeharder 39F
85 posts
4/27/2006 11:13 am

Oh Dasher, Dasher, Dasher...sometimes it's best to trust your initial instinct (sorry - cant stop laughing). I agree with all of the above...especially the part about ALWAYS having your own means of escape. Sheesh...the least she could have done was helped you up when you got whacked in the head!

Allsleeky 36F

4/27/2006 11:54 am

Hello Dasher!
Came here to say thanks for your general kindness and to say that I will miss you!

_Safira 53F
11260 posts
4/27/2006 12:29 pm

I don't even think I can tell the story of mine because it's really, really lame compared to all of yours. Of course, since I'm single there's still time, eh?

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

RECOMMENDED READING: A F F ... The Only Site For Me?

rm_mzbitch2u 47F
63 posts
4/27/2006 2:10 pm

makes me glad ive never been on a blind date....and never intend to be!!! yikes!!! hey, at least u got some free beers!!!

StillSmokin2oo6 44M/43F

4/27/2006 4:47 pm

Damn,,,brutal date,,makes for a great story to tell though,had me fuckin rollin!!! Good call on snitchin the 2 beers for the trip,,,think I'd a grabbed a sixer though!!! LoL

MWWwantsmore 51F

4/27/2006 6:28 pm

That was one bad blind date!

elysianpleasure 47M

4/27/2006 8:17 pm

Well... that explains why I have never gone out on a blind date...

rm_texasgal1978 45F
225 posts
4/27/2006 8:32 pm

in my deepest ghetto hood rat voice- " always go with your first instinct "

carebearluv2 42F

4/27/2006 8:55 pm

Oh Dash, if it's going to happen, I am finding out that it is going to happen to you! Good thing we get so entertained hearing about it...

tillerbabe 56F

4/28/2006 2:10 am

You called her a "Hood Rat" I'm still laughin' at that..I haven't used that term in awhile!!!

goldinboy2 60M

4/28/2006 5:22 am

Hey at least you didn't get stabed.

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