The Perfect Profile #2  

dasher121 36M
3656 posts
1/12/2006 4:53 am

Last Read:
9/11/2006 10:56 am

The Perfect Profile #2

Ok so a while back now I did one of these very sarcastic fake profiles of a guy. Its only fair now that I do a ladies, right? hmmmmm? hahah, lets see what kind of a shit storm the dude can create for himself on this one.

Disclaimer: again, this is FICTITIOUS!! If the handle matches a real one, sorry and bless you lol. And this does have a combination of arrogant things that dude has seen on multiple profiles in the past but does not in ANY way represent someone, at least I dont have one in mind.

Handle: HotClit6869GrateBod4You2Fuc


Hello, I am so damn hot and sexy that you probably will have no chance with me. I work out all of the time and have absolutely no fun whatso ever. Unless you have the body of a greek god, are a lawyer or a doctor, or own your own fortune 500 company, you have NO CHANCE WITH ME.
I am very sweet and nice and am in no way conceited, in fact I HATE stuck up people who think they are so great and talk about nothing but how sexy and wonderful they are in bed.

I am great. And will be the best lay you have ever had, even though I lack no emotion or ability to feel pleasure. (lol, ok) So you can pound me like a jack hammer and I probably just lay there and make absolutely no sound. I am about as fake looking as the watches that you can buy from the shady guy on the corner with the name "Dolex" on them.

I expect you to write a very long and descriptive email that I most likely will not read but get pissed off and respond to you if you do not meet my requierments and write a short email. I will bitch about how much the men suck on here yet stay a memeber for many years. I hate the fact that men treat me like a piece of meat yet I bring nothing interesting or deserving to a relationship.

I will wirte the raunchiest and most horrifying sexually disturbing things in my profile. Talking about how deep I will jam your cock in my mouth, swallow all of your delicious cum, jam it in my ass, and let you pee all over me. Yet, if you write even the slightest sexual email I will get pissed off and talk about how pathetic and gross guys are in my profile. (that one always cracks me up lol).

I have no profile photo or albums for that matter and am not a paying memeber. But, if you do not have a profile pic or do not send me one in your email, because im not paying to look at your profile, then you will automatically be deleted! Seriously guys, are you that fucking stupid!!
(oh ok).

I really think that ALL the men on this online stuff are sad and pathetic individuals........So email me guys, looking forward to hearing from you and giving you the best experience of your lives

Age: prefer not to say
Likes: prefer not to say
Hair: prefer not to say
Eye: prefer not to say
Sexual orientation: prefer not to say

jadedbabe78 106F

1/12/2006 5:38 am

Hmmm---sounds like my profile---How dare you!!!

LOL, sooo kidding. I needed the laugh in the morning--I can chuckle all the way to work now.

007sexy40plus 51F  
7603 posts
1/12/2006 6:20 am

She said she is not conceited and hate stuck up people. hmmmmm now what the hell does she think "Hello, I am so damn hot and sexy that you probably will have no chance with me." really means?

There is a difference in conceited and confidence and she is trying too hard to sell herself.

My profile used to sound mean and to some it may still be that way, but I differ in saying "hey I am hot but you cant have me" and saying "hey I am hot but looking for the right man to kool me off"

If a man can't have you then why bother even advertising?

I am the real deal! "Come Get Me!!!"

lovestochat2 47F

1/12/2006 10:35 am

LMAO....This is fake?? looks like you did some "cutting and pasting" your sardonic sense of humor...

btw...are YOU a paid member?? LOL, just kidding...

rm_goddess1946 106F
13518 posts
1/12/2006 1:29 pm

You forgot her poro website to go visit after you read her profile!

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

rm_texasgal1978 45F
225 posts
1/12/2006 3:59 pm

lol.. I should get royalty checks for the plagarism from my profile

ediesedgewick 57F

1/12/2006 4:43 pm

My favorite part was the transition between

"I am very sweet and nice and am in no way conceited, in fact I HATE stuck up people who think they are so great and talk about nothing but how sexy and wonderful they are in bed."


"I am great." Very subtle. I did laugh out loud...

Now I have to go find the male version...

HotClit6869GrateBod4You2Fuc Rocks!

MrNuttz05 49M

1/12/2006 5:21 pm

Dude, I swear, if I were gay I would STALK you... Our minds read the same freakin' things it's scary! Here are a couple that I have seen;

Men between the ages of 22 - 23? WTF?
Ivy League grads only... Yeah, right....
MUST be willing to fly me in... Hmmmmm, how about come visiting me, HERE in BAGHDAD!

Again, I fell you bro',

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
1/12/2006 11:28 pm

Hey! Just because I sent you my idea for my new profile....dosen't mean that I wanted you to post it on your blog!

Teasing...way too funny!

dasher121 36M

1/13/2006 3:31 am

First off, glad that you ladies did enjoy this. Was a weee bit nervous how this would go over. I wrote it very innocently and for harmless good humor, so thanks for the good comments.

dasher121 36M

1/13/2006 3:34 am


Chuckles on the way to work are great!!!! And then you get there, the smirk leaves your face and you sigh,

"oh yeah, that whole work thing today."


Welcome to my humble home miss What is insaine, is that what you commented on, I have seen that many times randomly on here. People, male and female, who talk about how they hate conceited people only to then talk about how great they are all around. And I have read your profile and see nothing wrong with that. There is a HUGE difference betweeen being real with yourself and being stuck up. And you are not the latter.

dasher121 36M

1/13/2006 3:41 am


Cutting and pasting?? Me?? Never hahaha. Welcome also to my humble home. I think im a paid, oh shit im not!!! hahahahaah.


Oh no, that comes after you leave them an email, then they send you a standard email saying "hey im a standard memeber so heres my personal addy lets talk sexy!" then you get the porno sight lol.

dasher121 36M

1/13/2006 3:43 am


Dammit! You ladies ALL have me busted hahahaha. And no, yours isnt ignorant or conceited either, you are another woman who keeps it real and says what they want and what bullshit they dont. So cheers to you!


The check is in the mail, hope you dont mind it being dated for two years from now lol.

dasher121 36M

1/13/2006 3:52 am


Welcome to you also, and hello The transition was my favorite also, and another that I have seen WAY too many times. And stay tuned for the male version, I did an odd male before. The next will be the conceite male.

Mr. Nutty Nutterton! -

My man has returned!! Glad to see that KENOSHA didnt eat you alive fellow dude! And no worries man, stalkers are always welcome. But you will have to fly to see me, buy me lots of beers, feed me, pay me to talk about myself, and then Ill tell you that you may get some on the next trip lol.
And yeah, those other ones you mentioned? Have seen those and cracking up about the Ivy league and the one year age thing! hahahaha.


I know I know, I just couldnt resist!! And hey, teasing is ALWAYS welcome. Just as long as the pay off is even better. Muahahahaha.

rm_ohsolustful 58M
859 posts
1/13/2006 7:56 am

Real good post Dasher, cracked me up, thanks for the laugh

rm_bi_virgin3 39M/43F
62 posts
1/13/2006 1:12 pm

lol...that was great. I dont know why you titled it "the perfect profile" sounds like a nightmare. I used to be on this site looking for a man...boy was that easy compared to looking for a woman. I dont envy you guys. Its tuff out there. Good luck.

carebearluv2 42F

1/13/2006 9:21 pm

LMAO Dash! How did you know what type of profile I was getting ready to post? See, my email is sooo filled with losers that I decided the only way to get a real man is to be stuck up, conceited and you think that would work? j/k lol

PS It is important to know this profile would also not have a pic, adds to the allure! lol

crazygurl2xx 57F

1/14/2006 3:34 pm

I am great. And will be the best lay you have ever had, even though I lack emotion or ability to feel pleasure.
I hate the fact that men treat me like a piece of meat yet I bring nothing interesting or deserving to a relationship.

dasher121 36M

1/16/2006 4:15 am

bi virgin- def a sarcastic title lol, glad you enjoyed. will be doing a really cocky guy one coming up. and yes, looking for a woman on here is waaaaay more diff than a man im sure lol.

carebare- hahahahahaha, im a mind reader i guess lol. hey, you do what you have to right? lol.

crazygurl- welcome welcome, and yes def two of my favortie "quotes" there hahahah. like i said, whats insaine is that i have seen things like this on other profiles. just makes me tilt my head to the side "eh??"

Become a member to create a blog