Levels of Hangover  

dasher121 36M
3656 posts
12/5/2005 6:03 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Levels of Hangover

Hello there my freaky darlings? How is all in your world? Working waaay to early in the moring, tired, cranky, and my coffee isnt doing it's job(Im not a moring person!). So as of lack of creativity today, thought Id share something that just cracks me up, enjoy:

Levels of Hangover:

One Star Hangover:
- No pain, no feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap, which has given you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomb and a side of gravy fries.

Two Star Hangover:
- No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look ok but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Thee Star Hangover:
- Slight headache, stomach feels crappy. You are def not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friend after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45am. Life would be better for you right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a meatball hero watching the latest Jenny makeover. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples, and a liter of diet coke...... yet you havent peed once!

Four Star Hangover:
- Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You cant speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes but that doesnt hide the fact that you missed an oh so cruitial spot shaving,(ladies it looks like you put your makeup on while riding bumper cars). Your eyes look like you just blazed a phatty and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Grover, Cleveland HS class of '84.

Five Star Hangover: aka Dante's 4th circle of Hell!!!!
- You have a second heart beat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in attempts to get remnants of the shit fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You def dont remember who you were with, where you were, and why there is a stranger sleeping in your bed in an otherwise empty house.

Six Star Hangover: aka- the Infinite Nut Smacker
- You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your vomit from 5 hours ago. It's amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but managed somehow to get up before you. You try to lift your head. Not an option. Then you inadvertantly turn your head too quickly and smell the funk of 13 packs of cigs in your hair. Suddenly you realize that you were smoking, but not ultra lights......some jackass handed you Marlboro reds and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" from the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead via alcoholic osmosis. You have to be at work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds. And the only thing you can think of is to crawl into your bed, make a feeble attempt to remove your clothes from the night before and die.

TheLilFondler 33F  
2576 posts
12/5/2005 1:44 pm

lol ohhhhhh soooooo glad i rarely get hangovers and the worst being a 3 star

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....

rm_texasgal1978 45F
225 posts
12/5/2005 4:28 pm

too funny, thankfully I have never made it to level six. I vaguely remember a few 5's but that was a long time ago.

femme872 29F

12/5/2005 9:52 pm

Im usually at the 3 star hang over and i'd like to keep it that way cos it already feels quite horrid.

(Princess Lips)

12/5/2005 10:17 pm


visions of tequilla dancing in my head...



dasher121 36M

12/6/2005 4:36 am

unfortunately, I have been on level 6 more times than Id like. A few times in college I woke up on my bathroom floor, in full snow gear, and the cool feeling was not only tile on my cheek but a pile of my own drool!

dasher121 36M

12/6/2005 4:37 am

but the last two years i try to stay in the 2-3 level range. much more functioning that way.

dasher121 36M

12/7/2005 3:29 am

Divinity- thats a valid fear. With any substance there is tolerance. If you dont drink very often or at all, your tolerance is super low. So yes, you could get to level 6 with only a few drinks.

TheLilFondler 33F  
2576 posts
12/7/2005 5:15 am

*sticks with rum.... hangovers dont seem to be as bad with it as long as that is all you drink lol

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....

dasher121 36M

12/7/2005 6:40 am

fondler- Hell yes!!! I used to drink lots and lots of beer and Southern comfort. Not only would i constantly be on level 6 but also very evil at times! So I switched to mixed drinks, mostly rum, captn and coke my fav. I no longer get all wild and the evil twin never comes out. and my hangovers go no where near the 6.

TheLilFondler 33F  
2576 posts
12/7/2005 8:42 pm

LMAO So Co is evil shit LMAO altho those that know me well like it when i drink that and wild turkey because it gets me in trouble.... but i am a total light weight and cont drink much of them LOL but i can drink rum all night and still walk straight and all and hardly suffer ahngovers and dont have to wonder who seen my ass the night before LMAO

i lost my virginity years ago.....
but i still have the box.....

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