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Adventures of The Dude: "Empty Shack of Blues" Prt. 2
Adventures of The Dude: "Empty Shack of Blues" Prt. 2
We smoke another one and drive silently along. All is quiet and still out, no other cars on the road but us. Passing another distributor some ways down the road, we start going over our new plan. A smash and grab. Smash the window in the place and then grab as much shit as you can and go!!!
Deciding to make one more pass of the place before I hide my car somewhere far away, I turn around and drive back down the road. Headlights pull out some ways down from me. We pass the other vehicle, its a cop. Butt-head says it and I knew it already. I turn off the road and zig zag through some neighborhoods. Now, we knew they weren't actually out looking for us or anything like that. But you must understand, him and I got pulled over a lot in that car. I always got "profiled" by police in that vehicle because it was big and old and I drove it in rich areas. And the police in those areas are very very bored with their time.
After zig zagging for some time I come out to a main drag, Route 88. Butt says he thinks I lost the cop. There hasn't been headlights behind me for quite some time. We pull out onto the main drag when suddenly bright high beams are coming down my side of the road and heading right at me! I slam on the breaks and come to a screeching halt. The other vehicle spins sideways to block me. Its a second squad car called in by the first. The first pulls up behind me and blocks the back now. I grab the VERY large pipe out from under the seat as well as my own little green bag.
Ive been through this procedure before, being young and not rich in a rich area with the police. I knew that they were going to chit chat at my window for a few(when they are really just scoping out the inside of the car), then they will ask us both to get out. They will search the car from top to bottom for no reason, then search both of us, then send me on my way with no explanation.
So I take my shit and pipe and cram them both between my butt cheeks and squeeze away!! Now, smart-ass's, I DID NOT shove them UP my ass. I clenched them between the old buns and held on tight!
One officer approaches my window, the other at Butts window. After the usual "license and registration bullshit",
Officer: "do you know why I pulled you over?"
Dasher: "No sir I don't."
Officer: "Well, you look suspicious. And I lost you back there so I called in for back up. Step out of the car please."
Butt and I exchange glances and are both escorted out of the car. Both cops are very tense with their hands on their guns. Its kind of humorous, they were afraid that we both may try something. And we were both afraid of them. So I am walked to the back of my car and so is Butt. Cop #1 tears my fucking car apart, and I mean he really tears the shit apart! Suddenly, I hear him ask if I have any weapons in the car. I tell him no. Then he yells out a triumphant "Aha!"
Stepping out of the car he holds up my tire iron,
Officer: "And what is this?"
Dasher: "Well sir, that would be a tire iron. You know, used for changing a tire."
He frowns at me and throws it back into the car.
Officer: "Put your hands on the trunk and spread em."
For many many weeks and months, Butt-head always bitched that every time a cop searched him he would fondle his nuts. Not search his nuts, but fondle them. We always laughed about it and I never really believed that every cop did that. Hell, I had been searched many o times too, and NEVER had my nuts groped.
So we are facing each other, on opposite sides of the trunk of my car, and are being searched from behind by the officers. Glancing up I notice that the officer behind Butt is making his way up his legs to his waist. His hands then do a major U turn and head right for the old crotch. And when I say that this dude coped a feel, oh man did he cop a feel!!!!! He took the flat of his palm against my poor buddies crotch and just squeezed, then released, then squeezed, then released. This went on for a few minutes.
The look on Butts face was fucking priceless. I made eye contact with him. It was a mix of horror, of embarrassment, humiliation, and of "I fucking told you so!!!" Both officers confer for a few moments then tells me that I can go about my business. During this whole ordeal Ive had that huge fucking pipe and a bag still clenched between my cheeks. Walking without giving it away was challenging. When I got out of the car I couldn't just walk all tight ass ed, they would have known then. So I limped a bit, and with a slight gangster walk.
After him frisking me, the pipe got pumped while he fondled my ass pockets. So on my way back to my car, the pipe slide out of my cheeks and started tumbling down inside the leg of my jeans. It caught right on the crest of my high tops that were tucked underneath the bottom of my pants. Sitting down in the car, I swung one leg in. As I was swinging the other up, the pipe fell out. Reaching out I caught it in mid air and shut the door, all in one swipe.
Turning the key in the ignition, we rumbled on once again. Butt-head broke the silence,
Butt: "Fucking pigs......always grabbing my fucking nuts."
I bust out laughing, could not stop laughing. I laughed half of the ride home until I could find the words,
Dasher: "Dude!! I'm so sorry for laughing, but if you could have seen the look on your face while he was..........." I choked out in laughter yet again.
I offered to pack a bowl up and Butt, declines reminding me where I just had it. I drop him off and head home. Climbing into my bed I throw the covers up over my head and snuggle into the pillow. The sun is rising, it's after 5 am now. Falling asleep I start to giggle, then bust out laughing. All that I can see is the cop grabbing my poor buddies cock and the look on his face,
3/27/2006 6:40 am
That would suck!! And I can't believe you shoved that crap between your ass cheeks, LOL. You gotta do what ya gotta do though, lol.|
3/27/2006 7:07 am
could say your pot was in a tight squeeze |
3/27/2006 9:03 am
After the last attempt of the cops trying to bust me on Rte. 66 outside of saintloo (I was on the exiled from NOLA trail, 20 days of crap packed into the car, most everything I owned) I realized I am to OLD for this shit. So no one is allowed to smoke dope in the car. Keeps my gray hairs at bay.|
3/27/2006 9:31 am
Been patted down by the local law more than once,lol|
and we sure did the bag in the crack routine!!!
Can't say I ever had a cop fondle my member though and hope to avoid it,them donut dunkin fucks would be pullin back a stump if they grabbed my dick!!! lmao
3/27/2006 10:33 am
roflmao Oh man did you bring back some memories, man dasher when I hustled and the cops knew it they finally used to camp outside my building and when ever I came out I had to assumed the position and was thrown up against the wall they never found the bag a cracks I had between the cheeks and I think back in retropect if they did I would be home in like 2012 its funny now but it wasnt then good story just love your posts man cya later|
3/27/2006 3:33 pm
Dude, Dude.... *LMAO* That's all I can say right now. Dude....|