A Lil Laugh for Your Day  

dasher121 36M
3656 posts
8/31/2006 4:07 am

Last Read:
9/3/2006 1:45 pm

A Lil Laugh for Your Day

Number1:

A priest and a rabbi attend a boxing match. Upon entering the ring, one of the fighters makes the sign of the cross. The rabbi looks at the priest,

"What does that mean?" the priest replies,

"Not a damn thing if the man cant fight."


Number2:

A man walks up to a bartender and says,

"Excuse me, Id like to make a little wager with you."

The bartender asks what it is, the man continues,

"Ill bet you $300 that I can piss into that shot glass over there and not spill a drop."

Now the shotglass is well out of pissing reach, across the bar on the opposite end up on a shelf, fucking imposible to hit let alone not spill a drop. The bartender laughs,

"Without spilling a drop, $300? Ok, you're on."

The man jumps up from his bar stool, whips out his dick, and takes aim. He looks at the shotglass, then his dick, then the glass, his dick, the glass, his dick, the glass, his dick... then he let's it rip!!! He starts pissing everywhere!!! All over the floor, all over the bar, on the phone, on the stools. Even on the bartender!!!

The bartender, he's laughing his fucking ass off!

"HAHAHAHA," piss drippind down his face, "HAHAHAHA, you stupid motherfucker! You pisssed everywhere EXCEPT the fucking glass. You owe me $300 punta."

The man says, "Excuse me, just one sec. Ill be right back. One sec."

The bartender watches with curiousity as the man heads to the back of the room to where a group of 5 bikers are shooting pool. After conversing with them for more than a few moments, he returns to the bartender. The man slaps the $300 down on the bar with a fat ol grin on his face. The bartender takes the money,

"What the fuck are you smiling at asshole? You just lost $300??!!"

The man leans in real close,

"C'mere, Ill tell you why." The bartender leans in,

"See those 5 guys shooting pool in the back? I bet them $500 a PIECE that I could piss on your floor, piss on your bar, piss on your phone, and piss on you. And not only wouldnt you be mad about it.....youd be happy."


Hope you enjoyed. As a bonus, both of these jokes came from movies. The first is just about word for word how it was told. The second isnt, but if you've seen the movie youd know anyway.

So one, nah fuck it, TWO gold stars and an extra 15min at nap time for the first to name the two movies these came from.

Schnoogens,

TheDude.



goldinboy2 59M

8/31/2006 5:20 am

Whats a movie????? ok let me guess Deep throat and hummmmm behind the green door... am I close...I hate fucking gold stars anyway offer me a dobie instead.


dasher121 replies on 8/31/2006 5:53 am:
well you get neither, but hell ill give you the extra 15 min at nap time for being a cool kat.

rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
8/31/2006 6:23 am

Oh I love that first joke, so perfect!!!!

Reminds me of Gods' punchline: Ya can't win if you don't buy a lottery ticket!


dasher121 replies on 8/31/2006 6:35 am:
Damn straight!

willudomeharder 39F
85 posts
8/31/2006 7:01 am

ummmmm...I have no idea what movies these came from. I had heard the second one before (on another version of it) but yours was much better. My grandma used to do the cross thing all the time, so thanks for the chuckle! I'm just gonna take the extra nap time, ok?


dasher121 replies on 8/31/2006 7:16 am:
very glad you liked, and of course, you may have the extra nap time.

Can i move my sleep mat next to yours?

Sweetpickles69 47F

8/31/2006 7:47 am

Very funny, the bar joke!!

Peace,
Pickles


dasher121 replies on 8/31/2006 8:55 am:
glad that you enjoyed it! i had to watch the scene it was in a couple hundred times before I memorized that shit hahaha, ah stupid teenager i was.

strongelk2006 53M

8/31/2006 8:36 am

Hay Dude,,,,I wish I could tell you ,,but this just took 10 minutes to type this far. A great stay awake and bake for me.

Peace,,,,,,,,,,Coolness.........Nice jokes Dude............N.B.


Peace,,,,,,,,Coolness..........N.B.


dasher121 replies on 8/31/2006 5:31 pm:
thanks dude, and ride that lightning!!

velvetgrrrl 39F

8/31/2006 11:06 am

Ok so you're second joke I believe is from Desperado The first one hmmmmmm......

(Ok I cheated I asked my movie friend here in the living room- He knew) Flight of the Phoenix

So what do I win?

Am I the tenth caller or what?

`Velvet
Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.


dasher121 replies on 8/31/2006 5:32 pm:
well we have a winner!!! yes, you get two gold stars and an extra 15 minutes at nap time....hell Ill even throw in two man servents just to be a good sport. Do with them as you will, and if you break em, its cool they came with reciepts haha.

oh, I loved the way Tarentino told that joke in Desperado...he cant act for jack shit...but he told a funny ass joke.

EroticaXTC 49F

8/31/2006 4:22 pm

hmmmm...I don't need a nap or gold stars ...guess I'll just thank you for the laughs


dasher121 replies on 9/1/2006 3:23 am:
you are quite welcome for the laughs, anytime

purpletrashcan 50F
41658 posts
8/31/2006 4:23 pm

LMAO....ya know.....it's kinda a mazing jut how many "piss" jokes there are.....who woulda thought a bodily function could be so damn funny, eh?

Pull My Fucking Hair!


dasher121 replies on 9/1/2006 3:24 am:
hahaha have a point there! guess no one waaay back in the day thought that piss jokes would ever come this far lol.

velvetgrrrl 39F

8/31/2006 7:01 pm

I totally agree...although you have to admit Tarrentino in Adam Sandler's Little Nicky was pretty fucking funny. Him being all God fearing and preaching the way and being blind as a bat!

`Velvet
Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.


dasher121 replies on 9/1/2006 3:26 am:
oh most definitely! even though he cant act for shit, I still like seeing him in movies. Going on one of his rants, and his body mechanics while he tries to act is hilarious.

I watched a special on Resevior Dogs a few weeks ago. And they were talking about how Tarentino originally had himself as MR. White(dude who dances and cuts off the cops ear)instead of Michael Madson. The producers and just about everyone else talked him into taking the smaller part, Mr. BRown, because back then he was REALLY crappy at acting haha.

rm_The_joker62
315 posts
9/2/2006 4:00 pm

Da yum I had not realized they had used me as a plot line in desperado but then i guess when you do funny stuff it gets around fast


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