all in a days work  

dartmyth90 45M
16 posts
8/4/2006 11:00 am
all in a days work


Problem And Solution
All in A Day's Work

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about
problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the
problems, document their repairs on the form, and then
pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of
humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Quantas' pilots and the solutions
recorded by maintenance engineers.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has
never had an accident.

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet
per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be
serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds
like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

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