closer  

darcon71 45M
52 posts
8/13/2005 4:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

closer

as i laid there with my teeth on the barrel
i was moving my head thinking how it would
show the best and i remembered psych class
and where in the brain the involuntary needs
such as breathing, blinking and the heartbeat
i then thought of how it was loaded
the safety was off
i didnt think last night i was ready
it occured to me it could happen
i got a little scared
but then i remembered that wouldnt be so bad
its what i wanted
i just cant do it
i have never been that close before
oh sure the notes were written
but it was never that close
then i get up and go to work
i havent had a hangover in a while
i drink all the time so it was weird
i know it was mental, isnt everything?
i really can take or leave it
some people are so selfish
i know it is the ultiamte act of selfishness
but really i dont care
the only thing stopping me is them
and i wonder who they are
i cant see the forest through the trees
i cant think of anyone that wouldnt heal
so i am going to attend a meeting
a support group for those left behind
freinds and family of the "victom"
suicide survivers or whatever you call it.
so hollow so cold so dead how much sleep
will it take for this hangover to go away
i just want to avoid, deny, and run
thats always been my MO


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