My day in court 3rd trip wasted  

dano6332 56M
363 posts
9/7/2005 5:42 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

My day in court 3rd trip wasted

I can feel the vibes from people out in the world screaming "Dan, where are your next pearls of wisdom?" Well I sure hate to dissapoint my legions of stalking fans but I simply am not that wise. A little background music maestro....something smoky light jazz maybe..... I am 45 this year and got married at 20 years of age, could not legally drink at my own wedding and was the person paying for it. All I can say folks is it seemed like a great idea at the time. We were young and in love, gave up finishing college and went to work. Became a cop at 21 and did that for 15 years until a hit and run driver left me laid up for 2 years (amazing what they can do these days) then developed a penchant for self medicating for the pain. Woops turns out police have no sense of humor and it was time to change careers. Learned a new career and continued to raise the thre greatest sons a man could ask for. Became involved in church, scouting and just trying to be a regular guy. I managed to stop all drinking (still love the occasional Corona) and am death on drugs (like a reformed smoker you just know how bad it really is)since my kids were beginning to get up there in age. No more late nights with the boys as I was more comfortable with the fam at home. It turns out that I forgot to spend anytime on the spousal relationship as I worked my way up the corporate ladder and when I opened my eyes it was only because sex was dropping in frequency and enthusiasm. We tried the counseling over and over. Talked until we were both sick to death and after one lengthy streak of 2 years (no exaggeration) I met "her". She was a scouter (thats what we call each other as adult leaders) and was cute, funny and just loved the outdoors. Wow was she awesome to a man who had been on the shelf for so long and I felt like I was 16 again. Swept away like a puppy and sinking fast. I finally got tired of lying and one time the wife asked if I was having an affair I finally said yes. (note to self dont have affair and for heavens sake LIE) Well we seperated and life got weird. "She" ran away, would not see me and did not return my calls. So now I am renting a room from a widowed aunt, not seeing the boys and sleeping alone again. Hell I could have stayed at home and had all of that. Moved back home after a year and thought maybe we can work this out, 4 different counselors in a year (is it just me or has anyone else been fired by their marriage counselor?) and things were not looking good. Girls can hold a grudge and my wife simply could not get over it. She hired the attorney, I responded by hiring my own (a lot like the old US defense policy of mutually assured destruction) and now we are all up to speed. We sat in front of the judge yesterday and were given another continuance. I can see the boys 2 times a week, pay her 28% of all monies and watch our hard earned assets dribble away to the attorneys. Her attorney is not willing to talk, mine loves to file motions (office time is 275 per hour, court time is 325) and I am just along for the ride. I am going camping this weekend so I can look up at the stars and smell the clean air. So I can talk to a homesick scout who is afraid of the dark and feel like I contributed something to this world. Sunday I will come home and this 2 room condo will be the same as when I left. It will not know the presence of a woman for more than the occasional sleepover (if I am lucky) and I find I really am not patient enough to date. I can play the game and nod at the appropriate moments but I have walked away from the offer of sex already. I am not sure why but it should mean something to me and until I know it is ok and the moment is right I will simply say no thanks, not ready, no connection etc. Sure it is a funk and I am fine physically (hell there are days I feel like a rutting hamster, no stallion here I am Irish lol) but still looking for that connection, the spark we all live for. The look between people that tells you THIS COULD BE IT............ Oh one really interesting sidenote "SHE" has contacted me and is ready to restart things now that I am almost single.

wyvernrose 38F
3895 posts
9/7/2005 7:35 am

you will get there we have been for over 7 years now.....she got everything he went bankrupt...he got 5 nights a fortnight....

now well her mum lives interstate and his daughter lives here with us we still have the raw end of the deal they never back off....and it was her who was looking elsewhere god only knows who would want that though....

anyway your not alone if you want to get in touch with those who can help or simply understand let me know

have you considered representing yourself?

she might be sour she might be hurt....but do the right thing forget about her and you....that is over....think about your sons and being a dad to your sons....

and make sure the court understands that that is all that matters now....shared care one week on one week on might rarely come out of the courts or any way you can sucessfully work it between your occupations....BUT it is possible....

and your sons will be happier for it....

mojority don't say the words shared care because the first things their lawyers say is no chance.....the lawyers don't know everything and can't effectively represent you without knowing everything that is if they are decent in the first place...


playfulwithyou33 56F
961 posts
9/7/2005 11:40 pm

Kick back, relax out under the stars, enjoy yourself (but don't forget the bug spray cuz you know life's a bitch!) LOL

You should get out to one of the A F F parties coming up. (will show you the way little grasshopper)

Claudette33 106M/106F

9/8/2005 3:26 pm

Dano - Sounds like you've had a rough time of it. Women can be very vindictive, some more than others. At least it's almost over and "she" is contacting you again. You might just have a happy ending, yet!


rm_dee19622 54F
3 posts
9/15/2005 6:52 am

Dan, My only comment to this is NO - 'she' is not what you want - 'she' was merely the stepping stone. Since you are so intouch with your feelings, you know that if 'she' ran once, 'she' will run again. (for anyone to ingmore phone contact is just rude and unacceptable) I know thru presonal experience. I would love to chat and explore the true reasons of unhappiness. I have beat that myself and think everyone can be happy with what is.

dano6332 56M

9/15/2005 12:51 pm

Hi Rose, It is all an adjustment and I will get through this. The only question is how much damage do the kids take enroute. I am trying to not be petty but it does try my patience.
Playful, Who loves you baby? I do
Claudette, God I always liked that name, The "She" thing scares the hell out of me but I cannot rest until I know.
Dee, See the point is I need to know for myself. I appreciate the advice but until I know in my heart I cant just let it go.

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