Dark Demons  

damn_dame 46F
64 posts
2/25/2006 5:25 am

Last Read:
4/28/2006 11:30 pm

Dark Demons

Fear secretes acids; but love and trust are sweet juices.
Author: Henry Ward Beecher 1813-1887, American Preacher, Orator, Writer

Fear. It is an emotion we have all experienced. After a relationship of significant time, I have come out of it fearful. It seems I have lost not only time, certain experiences, but I have lost part of myself. I don't know when it happened. I don't know where it went. But the woman I was 19 months ago is not the same woman I am now. I had an experience tonight that brought that realization home, once again. I have recognized and only superficially questioned what happened to that woman. Tonight, I want answers. Pre-relationship I was a confident woman in most everything, especially sexually. I knew although I wasn't the "ideal" shape I was attractive, desirable, and confident about my ability in bed. I have lost that. I have begun to repair that damaged image of myself, but tonight proved there is still work to be done. Old insecurities popped up and ruined what was a perfectly fabulous event. I'm not sure if how I handled it was right, I'm thinking by someone's reaction it wasn't good to voice those doubts in my head. I don't know, there were several opportunities for misunderstandings through the short chat that occurred later. Looking back now, I see that my fears were unsubstantiated. It is exactly as the quote said, I didn't trust and I didn't love. I allowed insecurity to rear its ugly head and spread like a poison to sicken a beatufil night. I regret it. So, the dark demons made an appearance tonight. If I am nothing else, I am intelligent. I will learn from this experience. Next time I will handle these insecurities differently. But, I don't know how to repair the situation with someone. I will have to think on that more. Until I do, I will say nothing. Why make things worse? So, dear readers, here is my question to you...do YOU ever suffer with insecurity and, if you do, how do you handle that? I will thank you now for posting. And as always, I am still the Damn_dame!

1eroticman57 68M
36 posts
2/26/2006 12:19 pm

That was a great question. My own experience is that as you get old and maybe a flaw or two pop up people think you are obsolete and then when the try you they say damn why did I wait. I say you just have to remember who you are, where you came from and what do you want and then do your best to achieve. Their are always those who will try and bring down ones flaws etc., love to witness when they reach the point that they are downing folks for. It happens to us all, called life. Sky!

rm_FiremanCop05 50M

2/27/2006 10:46 am

Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous.(He is also a fool.) -Lazarus Long

I believe everyone suffers from insecurities. It's just that everyone handles them differently. Some are loud and obnoxious to over compensate, some are overly shy and introverted to avoid them. Then there is everyone else in between. Like most everyone else, I struggle to over come insecurities every day. I strive not to let it show in appearance, but it's more like mental wranglings with myself. Most of these, as with everyone else are insecurities that were instilled at childhood or during past relationships. I think insecurities and fear run hand in hand. I love the quote above, i repeat it to myself all the time. Their will always be fear in ones life, but being afraid is not bad. Facing those fears, studying them,learning from them and continuing in your pursuit of happiness is what makes one courageous.

damn_dame 46F

3/1/2006 12:37 am

Hey 1eroticman, I agree there are too many people out there who feel good about making others feel bad. Great advice about remembering who you are, where you came from, and what you want. Sometimes it is easy to slip into forgetfulness!

Firemancop, great quote! I completely identify with the phrase "mental wranglings" and realizing that these fears/insecurities are not from today, but, like you said, bruises from the past. Ahhh, what a great endeavor, identifying your fears, facing them, learning from them, and still choosing to go on. It does take courage. Here's to all of us who decide to take up that challenge! Good luck!

Damn Dame

cowboyhavinfun0 50M
7 posts
3/1/2006 12:59 pm

"All we have to fear is fear itself" One of the most significant quotes of all time! And I can't place who said it. Anyway the things others say should not make one feel insecure. Sure they can hurt and make you question things. But this should only be for a short time and then if you know yourself to be strong and confident, good at what you can do then the perfect idollogies of others shouldn't bother you. Some cover their insecurities by trying to bring others down on themselves.

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