This could be a dangerous place for me.....  

daintynipples 52F
14 posts
3/27/2005 12:22 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

This could be a dangerous place for me.....

Hi everyone! I just wondered over to the Blogs (what a word!). This entire time I figured the Blogs were some kinky part of AdultFriendFinder that I just wasnt ready to get into quite yet.

I wondered in here and I have spent time reading the entries and replies and I have done everything from laff my ass off to cry. The first one I read was SigEp's blog about his love for his wife. I certainly could relate to him and to what he expressed about his wife.

I have been on the should I stay or should I go roller coaster for the past 2 yrs. SigEp I dont know you but I could feel ur frustration and pain in ur word and all I can say is that we all have to do whatever is necessary to feel at peace with ourselves. I have been married to a man for 18 yrs that could never express his feelings, needs, desires to me. Ours is a good example of what happens when the water gets too muddy.

I think the saddest thing in the world is when u can be at home with ur partner and feel so totally alone (especially after 3 children and 18 yrs). Today in church, we sat side by side ~ silent. The whole time I was thinking this is soooo fucking bizarre (yes I was thinking just that in church)....but if I am honest with myself this is nothing new. It hasnt happened just since I filed for the divorce we have never talked...I would always make the effort...reach for his hand...set down beside him...try to peck him on the cheek but he was just never there...never present in the moment.

For all of u reading this and thinking okay, this woman is just looking for a forum to bash the man who has supported her for many years, who has certainly given her every material thing any woman could desire. I truly am not. I have tried to explain to him MANY times I never wanted to divorce him but at the same time I cannot continue to live with a man who cannot show me any affection, intimacy or for the most part kindness on a daily basis. We have certainly had our moments of what I call the ugly moments. Infact at our last court date (which was suppossed to be the final court date), he called me an hour before our time to be in court and told me today was the saddest day of his life (I was looking a new house I was thinking about buying). This was the first time in the two years of jockey thru our divorce attnys that he said I think I have a problem and asked for help...we did go to court and his attny asked for a continuance and he asked me to go to family counseling....anyways that was Jan 21st and today, Easter 2005 over 2 months down the road we are no closer to being a couple than we were on that day...nothing has changed in him and as for me I am only kicking my own ass for allowing my emotions to take over that day in court.

Back to my original reason for telling u all this...SigEp's blog struck me so deeply that I knew I had to put all this into a permanent record on the internet...LOL AM I NUTS or what??
I have never blogged before but I do believe this could become very habit forming for me. I am such a people person and just love to find out all about others...what their life is like..what makes them tick. I love to laugh and sometimes even a good cry does wonders for me (I know guys ur thinking okay chick thing).

I live in TN. Mom of 2 sons and a daughter. Why am I here on AdultFriendFinder?? Well I know after the past 18 yrs I have missed out on so much in the relationship with my husband. As corny as this may sound, I want to live, laugh and love like I would dance when no one was watching (makes me think of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine dances...OMG!!!) In order to keep the peace in our lives, I became the woman my husband expected. I had to learn how to act around him in order to fit his life and that was no life at all. I think that is why SigEp's realization that he was shutting his wife out was so poignant to me. I know how his wife feels if he has spent years withholding from her.

I am not proud of the fact that I could never be myself with my husband and that I felt like I needed him so much that I was willing to compromise being the real woman I am. I am a vibrant, sweet, smart, funny, tender, kind, erotic, sensual woman. I know there are men in this world who truly want a woman like me and I have faith that as time goes by I will meet that man.

Until then, I am going to keep moving forward. My divorce will be final in about 60 days. Part of me is scared to death and the other part of me is doing the goofy happy dance.

There is alot more for me to tell but right now I have a date with a 4 yr old, a 7 yr old and an 11 yr old for an Easter egg hunt.

I am glad to be here and look forward to getting to know everyone!!

kisses & licks!

Dainty Nipples


3/27/2005 8:26 pm

Dear Dainty

Keep your chin up , hold on to that honest spirit and keep on blogging , sometimes writing gets out things you can`t put into words.

keithcancook 60M
17864 posts
3/28/2005 7:43 am

Thanx for speaking so openly, it was obviously from the heart. I am wishing you well from afar.

mi_mwpm 51M

3/29/2005 1:49 am

Wow Dainty. Thanks for putting that out there for us all to read. Best of luck to you!

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