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To tickle your fancy....
To tickle your fancy....
Hi there,thanks for dropping in.
Here are some gems to give your funnybone a tickle....lol
(1)Stupid Questions to ask in court....
Attorney: Whats your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Att: What year please?
Wit: Every year stupid!
Att: What was the first thing that your husband said to you that morning?
Wit: He said.."Where am i Cathy"?
Att: And why did that upset you?
Wit: Because my name is Susan.
Att: Now doctor,is'nt it true that when a person dies in his/her sleep,he/she does'nt know it until the next morning?
Wit: Did you actually PASS the bar exam?
Att: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Wit: Can you repeat the question please?
Att: So,the date of conception(of the baby) was August 8th?
Att: And what exactly were you doing at the time?
Wit: Um...having sex!
Att: Doctor,can you please tell the court,how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Wit: All my autopsies are perfomed on dead people!
Att: Do you recall the time that you performed the autopsy?
Wit: yes,the autopsy began at around 8.30pm.
Att: And Mr Denton was dead at that time?
Wit: (Sarcastically)No,he was sitting on the table wondering why i was doing an autopsy on him!
Att: Doctor,before you performed the autopsy,did you check for a pulse?
Att: Did you check for blood pressure?
Wit: No.Did you check for breathing?
Wit: No,what are you getting at?
Att: So,then it is possible that the patient WAS alive when you began the autopsy?
Att: How can you be so sure about that?
Wit: Because his brain was in a jar,sitting on my desk.
Att: But could the patient have STILL been alive,nevertheless?
Wit: Yes,it IS possible that he could have been alive..& practising LAW!!...lol
(2)A NUN in Hooters......
A nun,badly needing to use the restroom,walked into a local "Hooters" Restaurant.
The place was hopping with music & loud conversation & every once in a while,the lights would go off.Each time the lights would go off,the people would erupt in cheers.
However,when they all saw the nun,the place fell into a dead silence.She walked up to the bar & asked the bartender,"May i use your restroom"?
The bartender replied.."Yes sure,it's over there.But i should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there,wearing just a fig-leaf to cover his modesty".
"Well in that case,i'll just look the other way." said the nun.
So,the bartender showed her the way to the rear of the restaurant,& to the restroom.After a few minutes,the nun came back out after using the toilet.The whole place fell silent again,just before they erupted into cheers & applause.
The nun looked perplexed,& went up to the bartender again & said,"Sir,i don't understand,why are they applauding me for just going to the restroom"?
"Well,now they know that your one of us," he replied."Would you like a drink"?
"But,i STILL don't understand,why"?,said the nun.
"Well you see",the bartender said laughing."Everytime the fig-leaf on the statue is lifted up,the lights go out,now how about that drink"?...lol
(3)A Virgin Chinese wedding night....
A Chinese couple gets married,she is a virgin,& to be honest,he's not too experienced either.
On the wedding night,she cowers nakedly under the sheets,all shy & reserved,while her husband strips off in front of her.
He climbs into the bed next to her,& says to her reassuringly..."My dal-ling,i kno dis yu fus tima,an yu ve-ly flighten".I plomis yu,i give yu anythin yu wan""I do anythin yu wan,jus anythin,yu tel me wa yu wan"..."Watchu wan?"...he says,trying to sound experienced,& trying to impress his new bride.
A thoughtful silence follows as his bride contemplates his request,& he waits patiently & eagerly for her answer.
She eventually answers in a shy,unsure,but enthusiastic voice,"Ok,I wan numba 69".
More thoughtful silence ensues,this time for her husband.He looks up & asks in a puzzled voice...
"Yu wan Curried Beef with Bloccoli & fli lice?"...lol
Hope you enjoyed these...more to come soon!
"Always remember...keep smiling!"
11/26/2005 1:19 pm
rolling around the floor