Letting someone know that your interested .....Help!  

da_beaches 55M/53F
12 posts
7/23/2006 1:33 pm

Last Read:
10/22/2006 2:13 pm

Letting someone know that your interested .....Help!


Hmmmm,
the ever pondering question for me now is....

I know this is a question for others but not sure how to go about it, any help as to what others have tried would be extrememly helpful.

So, you have met someone you like them they seem to like you. Now what?
How do you move from we seem to click and enjoy each others company, to lets go play?

We tend to be on the non agressive side and let things take thier course, but we also would like to know is there a smooth transisition from stage one to stage two, three and four?

Dont get me wrong we have played and have had some great times, but I am raking my brain trying to figure out how did we actually get to the second stage.

If your non agressive as we are (maybe that is fear of rejection or something I dont know)how do you say are you comfortable with going further? without putting someone on the spot, which can be uncomfy for both parties if one is and one isnt, either by sending mixed signals or something.

We have been in both situations, trust me it is just as hard to say your not interested as it is to say you are.

but this also can make it hard for both parties that do click if both are very laid back to bring the subject up.

Too bad there isnt a card that you could just flip that says.. Yes,we like you lets go for it! or No thanks, we are flattered but we are not into playing at this time.

It all sounds so easy but this can make a great situation turn into a very stressful one.

Help!


rm_what_a_deal 63M

7/31/2006 4:13 pm

Well to be honest, my card says yes..... and ???? now what??? Have a nice time at Devils Tower,, Later


shes4sex 54M/51F
3 posts
9/2/2006 12:30 pm

We have the same problem. Being non agressive has it's draw backs at times. When you find the answer let us know.
She


ranchcouple3 57M/58F  
28 posts
9/19/2006 5:26 am

We sure know what you atr talking about, and don't have the answer either. Maybe somebody will come along and give it to us?

T and V


da_beaches 55M/53F

9/19/2006 9:42 pm

thanks for your comments! So,I still am wondering how do you become direct without coming across as being forward, I have the tendency to be very upfront and honest, in fact I often tell people dont ask me a question you dont want an honest answer to, but.... how do you say hey we are comfy wanna take this further without being aggressive or uncomfy? and most of all to be prepared for them to say no I/we are not interested and to be able to not take that personally.

Maybe assertiveness/rejection classes? hee hee

For some of us to get to that point of even suggesting it can be a chore too, especially if you have a not so perfect body yourself and are self conscious as it is.

on the other hand, how does one say (with cooth of course ) we just arent in to playing with you at the moment without hurting anyone's feelings.

I so appreciate everyones comments keep them comming


LarskAndKalli 55M/55F
1 post
10/21/2006 8:11 am

Hey there my friend.... sorry I just stumbled on this or I would have answered sooner.

First, realize that is not just the "non-aggressive" folks that have this issue. Most folks would say we are very flirty (as you know , and we definitely aren't afraid to "try someone on" to see if we feel a click with them. But its still a little of a crap shoot. But here are a few things we do:

- If one of us is really liking someone, and we think theres a chance our partner may like their partner, we find some time to say "hey, what do you think of them?"... So you both have a clue of who you are interested in.

- When someone approaches you, get in the habit of never saying yes/no right away unless you have already talked about it for sure. We usually say something like "Wow! Thanks! .... Um... er...."....

ok more seriously, we say "Could you give us just a minute to touch base and see where we are tonight?", and then we step away.... this gives us a chance to always confirm where we are.

- Then if you are saying yes, its easy.... if you are saying no, going with honesty as you have said is always a good thing, we usually just say something like "We're sorry, but we aren't quite feeling enough of a connection to do something tonight." Depending on the situation, sometimes just "Sorry, but not tonight". The hardest ones are the ones were you feel some connection, but just not enough to do something right now... then just say "Sorry, not tonight... but we do like you guys and hope to keep talking and flirting with you and see where it goes down the road.".

- Now the hard one... the two of you have talked... you're feeling the connection with another couple, but no one has quite taken the leap. Usually one of us will take the lead and get with the person we are clicking with and simply say "So, what are you guys planning for later?".... or if its just us and them at dinner (not a party), we'll say "So, we have a hotel room and would love if you guys would join us...." (We always make sure we know the location we'll end up at... either a hotel or our house if we are comfortable with them, but a hotel for folks we haven't met before). Really, you just have to come out and ask at some point.... I know thats not that much help, but maybe you can practice on me and we can help you

D.


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