Is this the end?  

cutecrip 47M
136 posts
8/2/2005 9:47 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Is this the end?

I have been struggling with a few things lately and after careful consideration I STILL can't make up my mind on what to do....which is why I've been absent. I don't have anyone that can actually help me either because all the decision making will be left to me so I feel alone and lost. Yes there are people that care, and yes they are willing to listen to me but here's part of my problem....I no longer want to be a part of that which I love...the human race. I'm not talking about suicide, I'm talking about this overwhelming feeling I have to withdraw and fade away so that not even the memory of me exists. This probably doesn't even make sense to those that are "normal"....I have been far from normal for quite a few years and this sense of being alone is winning. I've met many cool people that I know under normal circumstances would become friends but lately I find myself shutting down so they don't get too close. Why you may ask? Because for some strange reason I don't want anyone else to feel any of my pain....I don't want those unaware to know how bad I can get and what being this way does to me. At the same time facades aren't for me so I don't feel like pretending I'm ok when I'm not.
Anyway, my rant is done....and I fear, so am I!
To those that have gotten to know me a little I thank you for showing me that human nature isn't all bad and I apologize if I seem distant...I do wish that those that are happy in thier lives continue to receive blessings and those seeking something special will find it with as little heartache as possible.
Stay well, One love and God bless!

Philosophy_N_Sex 49M/47F

8/2/2005 12:03 pm

This too shall pass. You could seek a professional counselor to help with this. Do you want to get better? Is the no win situation really there? Do you have the right to deny your loved ones your company and support? Are you ranting to blow off steam, is ithe real you in such despair? Would some time away in nature help you regroup your thoughts and feelings?

rm_mieze626 52F
145 posts
8/2/2005 4:27 pm

cuty...i know what u talking about...i can't say much to that, because u know how i feel and i know how u feel. all what i can do is offer my support and love...{=}

rm_jayR63 59F
1884 posts
8/2/2005 8:56 pm

If I knew more details I could possibly give answers but for now I will suggest this guideline.
When you are about to do something questionable,
ask yourself
" will this behavior (or choice) benefit me?"

cutecrip 47M

8/2/2005 10:11 pm

PhilosophynSex- Counselors aren't the route for me because of a bad experience with a few. Now to answer the rest of your questions: yes it is a no win situation in my eyes right now. I would love to "get" better but unfortunately that isn't up to me. The only reason I am still alive and here IS because of my loved ones so I don't feel I'd be denying them anything...hell, I've suffered for them! yes, I am ranting but it's more than blowing off steam and despair isn't the word for what I feel most times. I don't do nature any longer because I have issues with being too far from civilization and at the same time I would LOVE to be isolated. Thank you for your comments is appreciated.

Mieze- Thank you so much for always being a sweetheart and your friendship has been a blessing.

cutecrip 47M

8/3/2005 10:20 am

I wish I could give more JayR but there's only so much I'll divulge in a public forum. If we e-mail one day I'll tell you more...until then, thanks for always being a positive force!
Stay well, One love and God bless!

GoddessOfTheDawn 105F
11240 posts
8/3/2005 12:46 pm

cute.... omg... you must have been reading my mind. As you were posting your comment on my earlier post I was posting the ~untitled~ one that mirrorz your feelings in my reflection

You stay well my friend. Please know where to find me

~ fallz silent ~

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