True To Myself...Finally!  

cuteNEway 41F
1774 posts
8/26/2006 4:09 pm

Last Read:
9/28/2006 5:33 am

True To Myself...Finally!

I have been fighting it for a while now. I have been lying to myself. Lying to myself about what I seek. I have finally admitted to myself that I do not want to just have a series of flings. I do not want a friend with benefits.

I have finally admitted to myself that I am in fact seeking something deeper. I want someone that is only mine and I would only be his.

That's right boys n girls!! cuteNEway wants to be in a relationship.

I realized that this series of sexual encounters that I have had do nothing for me. They feel good as it's happens but I feel empty after. The FWB situation just isn't enough for me.

I know that this isn't the venue where I will find what I am looking for and I have changed my profile to reflect that. For a while I thought I could because I saw couples from the chat room. HA what a joke that is!

I heard stories of people meeting, falling in love and getting married. But what I didn't allow myself to see was that these are one in a million. So I am now here to blog. Maybe chat once in a while.

People tell me, "Go to the "vanilla" sites. That's where you can find what you're looking for!" Not really. Everyone wants the same thing. The one site wants too much money, the other well no one contacted me because that site is all model types, yet another site is just a bunch of stuck up foreigners and "backpacking through Europe before college" types that at my age now think they're too good to date a commoner.

The site that swears they have a perfect matching system says this:

{site name removed} is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

So I'm just gonna kick back and wait for it to come to me. No more dating sites. No more Emails. No more IMs, except for my friends. Hell the only reason I'm keeping my profile open is so that the people that have me on their watched list can see when I've written a new post.

It feels so good to finally admit that to myself

Hydragenias 56F

8/26/2006 5:13 pm

I can TOTALLY relate to EXACTLY how you're feeling and to what you're saying here! Meaningless sex leaves me totally empty, I need something MORE, WE DESERVE MORE

rm_booo323 43M
25 posts
8/26/2006 5:14 pm

i think everyone wants and needs someone, its just there different interpretation what they want and what they need at that time .
i myself would luv to wake up every morning curl up to someone and yes i can admit i want a relationship
life has made it so hard and busy for us all that we forget to turnaround to have that second glance or smile to someone that has just walked by
goodluck in finding that special person

horny4770 60M
8158 posts
8/26/2006 5:19 pm

It's more likely than you may think. I know of some that have found each other here.

At least you're being honest with yourself and acknowledging what you want, a very good start. Never give up!


tadpudgy 56M

8/26/2006 5:44 pm

We ALL deserve the best one for us. I may not meet her here in blog-land....but the friendships i have developed are proving to fill some of the void. You stick to your convictions! HUG=GASMS!!!

kitchenfun1234 44M
1797 posts
8/26/2006 6:59 pm

I totally agree.
There are so many dating sites that do little more than waste money.
All it means is that your ideal mate isn't mr average, (Or Ms average for that matter),they haven't had results with dating sites either and would like something deeper than one-night-stands.
All the best. Keep the faith and you will find each other.

Don't ever give up searching for the fun in life.

AtomicArtist0 45M
6015 posts
8/26/2006 7:08 pm

yes, I hear ya...I've had such a hard time finding a mate who shares my affinity for for having sex while in a Chewbacca mask. I guess I'm destined to live in my own freakish albiet geeky solitude.

NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
8/26/2006 7:14 pm

I thought of trying that site. Just to see if I get rejected.

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?

elysianpleasure 47M

8/26/2006 8:46 pm

Many of us have evolved to the same state... just here to blog... wanting something more than what is here beyond that. Good luck in your quest. Good luck to all of us.

NickRules999 39M
9462 posts
8/26/2006 8:56 pm

I just tried that site. Got the same thing you did. I should send them a pic of me flipping them the bird with a caption underneath, saying, "The feeling is mutual."

Come into my realm! You aren't afraid...are you?

cuteNEway 41F

8/27/2006 5:28 am

2shy...I'm not gonna search anymore I'm gonna take a break.

Hydragenias...Damn right we do and that is what I have to tell myself every day!

booo...sadly it also seems like we have forgotten how to treat eachother with the respect we all deserve.

Horny...I know that people have found eachother here but they are one in a million.

tadpudgy...I don't regret coming to this site because of all the friends I've made.

kitchen...I refuse to pay to find a date. Hell the only reason I want a gold ball is so that I can reply to everyone right in their comment.

Atomic...NO WAY! Who DOESN'T like the Chewie mask? They're just weird.

Nicky...I think mos of us would be rejected.

Spunky...I hope it's soon too, I'm tired of feeling lonely.

Elysian...we always have that bit of hope.

Nicky...told ya!

free2chose2 66F

8/27/2006 7:54 am

CuteN-that's more than half of finding what you want-is truly knowing what you want-so you're 1/2 there

Don't worry, be Happy

strongelk2006 53M

8/27/2006 10:22 am

Hay cutes,,,Karma will be there for you when you need it. I will be here waiting to hear from you,,all you have to do is ask.



Glimmer_Man06 47M
3308 posts
8/27/2006 10:33 am

Seek, and you will not find

Wait, and be found

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!

cuteNEway 41F

8/27/2006 11:20 am

free...that is comforting except for the fact that my mind says half way means 10 more years of waiting

Nekkid Boy...I'll keep y'all updated

Glimmer...I know I know

rm_connor696 60M
834 posts
8/27/2006 11:45 am

Humph. I feel your pain, sister. I tried a couple of vanilla sites and gave up pretty damn quickly; they left me feeling like a total freak (which I may be, but, you know, in a good way). And to top it off, that "unnamed" site gave me the same message about falling outside their parameters.

Still, there's nothing wrong in looking for love. It can happen; hell, it does happen. (Then again, I sometimes buy lottery tickets, and I know how dismal those chances are . . . )

GnarlDesexCrick 41M
18 posts
8/27/2006 1:13 pm

hey sexy. jk. hello cuteNEway. i just read some of your messages. all i can say is how refreshing it was. its nice to see a women express her opinions about shit other than what celeb broke up with that celeb and crap like that. its good to know there are real women still out there. well i look forward to reading more of your personal thoughts and ideas. have a great day.

cuteNEway 41F

8/27/2006 1:48 pm

connor...are you trying to tell me that my chances are dismal?? Gee thanks for making a girl regret sharing what she feels! should really take a look at the blogs here. Most of the women here write about a lot more than celebrities. In fact I haven't seen anyone mention celebrities except as an example or as a joke. But I do appreciate the compliment

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
8/27/2006 2:03 pm

You know, one day I have to post what that harmoneous site told me. When I feel like digging through email, I will. They gave me detail on why I can't be matched. Hell, I only took the test on a whim and most of the multiple choice questions had answers that were lacking. Well, it's considered a Christian cult site anyway, according to The Consumerist.

Now, some of those other sites. Just about every guy on Match or Lava life is over here too. It's really amusing to look. On those two sites, they're talking about how much they want to meet Miss Right, but when you come over here, they want NSA hard fucking. They also wander into the chat rooms over here and talk about all the pussy they get on those two sites and how no one will have them as a gift over here.

As far as FWB, most men think that's FB, which it isn't. They tell you they want FWB, but only come around when they're horny. That's FB, not FWB. There is a major difference in the two.

Don't let things get you down. Hold out for what you want, instead of going for empty bullshit with the fuck and run types.

digdug41 49M

8/27/2006 2:28 pm

I dont think any of these online forums are of any help but what I do feel is that has you go along and you get to know people and from there it may turn into something more I think that is more of a realistic outlook becasue I am sure who ever you find here you will find some of those same people on these other forums but thats good you want someone just for you and there's nothing wrong with that.

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

cuteNEway 41F

8/27/2006 2:57 pm

MissAnn...I know for a fact these guys are everywhere. I've actually seen a couple of them in chat. This whole online dating thing is not good for finding a relationship. It's all about easy fucks.

digdug...the only good thing that has come out of all this is the friends I have made.

GnarlDesexCrick 41M
18 posts
8/27/2006 4:36 pm

hey cuteNEway your welcome. i didnt mean the women on here just most women i know in general.

cuteNEway 41F

8/27/2006 7:10 pm must be surrounded by bimbos ugh!

dys...I was denying myself and for what? The company of men that didn't deserve to have me! As for their matching profiles...have you SEEN the doofy ass people in the commercials? Do we REALLY wanna be THEM?? I don't think so! lol

velvetgrrrl 39F

8/27/2006 9:46 pm

I"m trying that eHarmony site even though the idea of marriage makes me cringe right now
Never really looked towards going there ho'ed I wold meet someone and get to know them

Minutes later.....

Well holy shit they accepted me and told me that I try to find humour in situations etc etc

I better not end up married over this Lol

Hell is when u should have walked away, but u didn't.

cuteNEway 41F

8/27/2006 11:38 pm're gonna be one of the doofy people in the commercials...
"this will everlasting love..."

rm_booo323 43M
25 posts
8/28/2006 3:15 am

comeon ladies u do get jerks everywhere u go u cant blame every guy thats just not right there are some nice guys here but u might be looking at someone elses profile
i can honestly say ive never meet anyone from here havent got laid in awhile tired of one nite stands and hell yeah im frustrated but it isnt a reason for me to change to suit other people it isn't only the females getting stuffed around

cuteNEway 41F

8/28/2006 9:58 am

booo...I'm not generalizing hun. I'm speaking strictly of MY experience and what I have chosen to do because of it.

Chuck...It sucks to be alone.

willieatermuff 42M

8/28/2006 12:14 pm

I agree with Glimmer. The harder you look, the less you find. Let it come to you.

TheQuietGuy2005 54M
2386 posts
8/28/2006 2:26 pm

At least you know what you want ... that has to be the first step to getting it.

Hell, what do I know though? I'm twice-divorced!

Best of luck to you.

Become a member to create a blog