Glass Heart in a Steel Cage  

cuteNEway 41F
1774 posts
7/28/2006 1:22 pm

Last Read:
8/3/2006 8:25 am

Glass Heart in a Steel Cage

It's over. I finally got a response. You know from who? I'll give you a hint: He Never Called on my birthday? Yeah him.

Well there was a phone call that I ended because I was too choked up to talk, a lame email apology from him and a spill-your-guts email from me to let him know how contrary he has been. I waited five days for a reply.

I hated the waiting. I asked the advice of a friend and she said that I should call him and pretty much tell him that I am tired of waiting for him and that I was taking his silence as a good-bye. I called him. Again he was "too busy" at work, something that had never stopped him from talking to me before, so when we hung up I wrote him an email.

Quite honestly I'm at wits end. I am going to take your non-responsiveness as not being ready. I cannot continue to wait for you. I am going to continue about my life without worrying about whether or not you want to spend time with me.

You haven't shared with me. You haven't told me anything that is going on with you. I'm going to assume that you have way too many bigger and/or better things going on in your life right now and that there is really no place for me. So I will just step back and understand that I do not fit in your big picture, in any capacity, at this time.

I do wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, whatever they be. I do hope you contact me if I ever do have a place in your big picture, if you ever want to share what's going on in your life.

Thank you for the wonderful times we spent together, however brief they were.

He called me. We spoke. I told him that all I ask from him is honesty. He says that he doesn't see us as being in a "romantic situation" and that he feels that since we get along so well that we should remain friends.

I prepared myself for this. I have cried about this before it even happened. Why then does this still hurt so much? Why does it physically hurt every time his words echo in my mind? I'm emotionally exhausted.

My heart is broken and I feel lonelier than I ever have in the past. Is it possible to repair something that has shattered into a million tiny pieces?

countryheart_71 45F
8082 posts
7/28/2006 2:21 pm

It is possible Cute, it will just take some time. I have been there many times before. I realize that it's easier said than done right now but believe that your friends are here to help you through this. If he couldn't see what you have to offer as a woman, a lover, and a human, then he isn't meant to have a major role in your life. To me, if he truly felt the same way, he would have went out of his way to call you on your birthday. It always hurts more to actually go through this than it does preparing yourself, because it hasn't actually happened then. It is one of the worst feelings that we can experience. I'm here for ya if you ever need me, truly!


rm_CauseISaidSo 48F
182 posts
7/28/2006 8:45 pm

I think you handled it perfectly, NE. I mean, it goes without saying that I am sorry for your heartbreak and that you were put through this..I hate seeing any of my friends get hurt. I know it hurts and it will take some time for it to not hurt so much and then subside altogether.

But I am proud of you for resolving it and having resolved it in a thorough and objective way and with as little nastiness as possible. And having done that, the doors are open to finding happier times with someone who is going to treat you the way that you should be treated, with consideration and care.

cuteNEway 41F

7/28/2006 9:04 pm

country...the funny thing about all this is I harbor no ill will toward him.

Daddy...I get what you say to a certain point. Everyone tells me to look at my children. Honestly my children have nothing to do with this. These are my well earned selfish moments. This is about me. About me not having someone I can turn to with a broad range of emotions from simple boredom to extreme desire! Most of these things I canNOT turn to my children for.

looking...I'm just so sick of being alone and not being worthy of a man's time! Its like I'm good enough to just fuck but I'm not good enough to love.

cause...thanks to your advice girlie! It doesn't seem like I'll find that in my lifetime.

rm_goddess1946 105F
13518 posts
7/28/2006 10:16 pm

it is...
and be gentle with yourself in the process...
it takes time...
love is the healer...always
and sometimes that looks like
giving the self
unconditional love

Just a little food for thought.............
If you really want to be happy, nobody can stop you...

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
7/29/2006 2:11 am

The one thing I hate most is the other people who sit there and say "HEY at least you're still friends who knows it might turn around" and we all know thats never true is it...the whole "friends" speech is the biggest load of bullshit whether its comeing from men or women it doesnt matter...Im sorry you got hurt that always sucks and I know how you feel trust me...Im still bothered about what happend to me and its been a coupld almost 3...that is how pathetic it is sometimes...but what can we do right...

cuteNEway 41F

7/29/2006 2:47 am

godess...this time around I haven't tortured myself as much as before with those horrid "what did I do wrong" or the "what was wrong with ME" questions. I've been very good to myself, well relatively

MzHuny...I truly believe that he did feel the way he said he did at the beginning. But after getting to know eachother better, I realized that we aren't the best match. Doesn't hurt any less though

Spunky...that is SO sweet of you! I just wish that someone near me would realize that I AM special. I deserve better than the treatment I've gotten in the past...

cuteNEway 41F

7/29/2006 9:23 am

Nightstalker...It's horrible! How can I remain friends with a man that I had feelings for? A man that spoke such sweet words and pretty much made love to me? That certainly wasn't just fucking! What is it with people? Why do we insist on deceiving eachother this way?

looking...sad thing is he WAS my standards. Sometimes one gets down and feels that one is not worthy of the standards one sets for oneself I'll be back to my happy man bashing soon enough!!

moonlightphoenix 45F
6508 posts
7/29/2006 4:49 pm

It really REALLY sucks when two people are in such different places. I've been through this time and time and time again.Most of the poetry at the beginning of my blog is about this exact thing. I often end up being frustrated, wondering why at the beginning of things, they would chat all fucking day, email constantly, ask every little detail about every little thing. Then,.,it's like a light switch and for reasons completely unknown (sometimes there's been sex, sometimes there hasn't), they stop dead. They keep saying they want to be friends, but they sure don't fucking act like it, do they???

I have no patience for this behaviour, although it tears me up on a constant basis. My latest devestation: Div said I'm boring him.


cuteNEway 41F

7/29/2006 11:10 pm

>>heaving sigh<<

moonlight honey I never demand anything from a lover or a date or whatever they are at the beginning. All I ask for is honesty! But they are such fuckin cowards that they just walk away, and I quote from the horse's mouth, "I was going to let time be the healer."

Ummmm...NO! You walking away from me without telling me that you no longer see a future with me just makes me feel worse.

As for comment. Everyone knows how I feel about him by now.

MissAnnThrope 56F
11488 posts
7/30/2006 3:30 pm

*sigh* You know your heart will repair itself. Just in time to go out and do it again.

I'd like to say it's the nature of this site to tell a woman anything and then just dispose of her in a few months. However, we both know that's not the case. It's the fact we live in a disposable society.

Let him go and play his games elsewhere. It's never a good sign when someone you're dating doesn't remember your birthday.

strongelk2006 53M

7/31/2006 7:03 am

Hay, most guy's don't know what unconditional love means. They think as long as the sex is new and fun ,,,their in love. I'm trying to show a very special lady that is dear to me,,,what true unconditional love means. There are lots of people out there that don't know how to love someone,,,men,,and women as well,,,ladies,,!! When you love someone ,,you put them first,,they don't have earn your love,,as well as you don't have to earn theirs. You just let the love open the door of your heart and just be.



cuteNEway 41F

8/2/2006 6:44 pm just hurts too much.

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