The darkness consumes  

curious082385 31F
4230 posts
11/22/2005 8:32 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

The darkness consumes

This body may be here,
but where am I?
The me that was happy.
The me that could cope.
The me that was strong.
The me that was in control.

I can feel it inside me...the rage, the hate, the jealousy, the suspicion, the darkness, the despair. It flickers in my eyes, wraps around my battered heart. The pain of it takes me once more to my knees. How dare you taunt me, offer my every dream? When you won't even look, when you won't even see just how badly I need you now. Want to curl into a corner and cry. To be gathered into your arms and rocked like a child, safe and protected. I don't want you to fight my battles, never have. I just want to stop for a moment, to breathe. Just want to make it stop for a single moment. Is that to much to ask?
Don't tell me I'm strong. Don't tell me I can do this, beat this. I know I can...I got this far. Why can't it be ok for me to break a little? To cry in your arms for a while and maybe find a hour's peace? Must I always be strong? The perfect one?

Your angel of innocence and perfection? She's an illusion, a dream. A role I can no longer play.

Would you stand by my side? Would you kiss my tears away, bandage the wounds? Would you hold me, tell me that you're here? Could you take me as I am and love me as if I were still that perfect picture of innocence and trust?

I want to scream and yell, rant at the world. I want to throw things, watch them shatter against the wall. To rage and pour out my bitter hate. I want him to bleed, I want him to hurt, to feel this pain, this loss. I want someone to listen to the harshest truths. And when I fall to my knees with the telling, when I'm sobbing and shaking with despair, I want to be cradled in loving arms. Soothed, comforted. To be told that I am whole and perfect and beautiful to them. To place me gently on the bed and make love to me as if I were cherished and precious. To help me unbind these chains and fly free.

But there's no one here.

The light is so far away and grows so very dim. The darkness closes in, choking me as it's tendrils wrap around my throat. Until I'm gasping for air and can't scream for help. If I could, would you come? I can't fight this anymore and, behind this mask, I'm dying.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
11/22/2005 2:07 pm

WOW....very powerful stuff...everyone has a darkness in them...some choose to hide it...some choose to show little of it...some choose to fully embrace it...Sometimes to fight darkness you need alittle darkness in you...but there is honor in fighting the good fight some of us may not want to fight but we are often not given a choice. Im a tooth and nail kind of guy and would fight until every last breath even if I knew I was going to lose....that is something to be admired in anyone.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
11/22/2005 6:22 pm

I would go if I could, to hold you while you cry, and feed you cookies after you were done, brush your hair and tell you it's all right to be human.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_gizbourne 53M

11/22/2005 11:50 pm

"merge" by guy hxxxxxx
copyright 1998

sweet darkness
can i trust my self
with what i must face
it makes no difference
what i think i can see
i am blind just the same
it makes no difference
how much i think i know
yesterdays victories
serve only to frustrate
things never are
same as before
the present is here
what will i choose
in life to create
i know without words
it's not just too late
to give up this old grudge
and let go of self hate
bitter sweet darkness
can i trust my self
with what strength
i have left
precious deep night
can i let my self go
to merge with your sight
as much as i want
to fight and resist
i know it is you
that i must kiss

hope this assembly of words can make a little sense


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
11/24/2005 5:11 am

Nightstalker - sometimes I think that you and I are more alike than we realize. I can't stand the thought of giving up, I'll go down fighting if I have to...I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Thank you for your kind support.

PK - *sad smile* Thank you.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
11/24/2005 5:12 am

Gizbourne - again, your words are perfect. How do you always seem to know which one to share? And yes, they always make sense.

Efilnikufecin69 47M

12/1/2005 3:38 am

If only it were so simple,
to cruise through life smelling roses;
but the obstacles blacken the countryside,
and we unwittingly crush them beneath our boots.

Dreams sustain us through the madness;
goals give a finish line to our race.
Yet they change with every turn, around every wall,
and remain elusive throughout the quest.

Mistakes are made, and regrets are our luggage;
we will drag them with us to slow us down.
The victories are flashes of light, sudden and unlasting, which allow us
to glimpse the road ahead before darkness descends.

Love is bitter, yet it is the bread that keeps us.
Over and over it fills us up, only to starve us.
The people whom we love shape our destinies and our strengths,
yet leave us cold and alone in the darkness.

There are others trying to race to the end;
occasionally, we bump into one or two.
The bonds we form help us down the path less lonely
but eventually, we lose each other in the darkness.

Alone is not a bad way to be;
it clears your head and focuses you on the journey.
Cherish the short intervals during the quest you have with others,
but be prepared to walk alone in the darkness.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
12/3/2005 12:31 pm

Efil - thank you.....for everything

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