Ok, need advice.....any advice....  

curious082385 31F
4230 posts
10/31/2005 1:13 pm

Last Read:
4/28/2006 12:31 am

Ok, need advice.....any advice....

Ok....I work at a school, teaching 4th, 5th and 6th graders. Because of the structure of the school, I am very close with my students and spend a lot of time with them. There is one little boy...we'll call him W...who is new this year. As I get to know him and he opens up to me...it is becoming clear to me that he is in an emotionally abusive home. They don't hit him, but emotionally...the house is empty. His parents pretty much leave him to fend for himself...there are never meals cooked, but the fridge always has enough in it for him to feed himself. He has a warm bed at night, but has never been tucked in to sleep.
Today, he completed an assignment that had really been a challenge for him....I put my arm around his shoulder (not an uncommon thing at our school...teachers and students are friends) and told him that I was proud of him. He just stared at me, then burst into tears and ran away. I slowly followed after him and found him sitting by the pond crying...when I asked him why, he said that was the first hug he had ever gotten and the first time someone has honestly been proud of him.

He is 10...and has never had a hug. My heart broke at that.

The saddest thing is that he truly loves his parents...that's what hurts him the most is that they don't love him back. His mother actually referred to him as "The Mistake" in front of him. Nearly bit a hole in my lip to keep my mouth shut.

Emotional neglect is enough cause for Social Services to remove a child from the home, or at least step in and put Mom and Dad in parenting courses.

Should I report this?

jim5131 55M
1296 posts
10/31/2005 2:15 pm

This is heartbreaking. This type of parent is so alien to me that I can't see any justification of their treatment toward their little boy.

I think a one-on-one with the parents is first order of business, with the principal by your side..let them know that if they want their son to grow in a (reasonably) untroubled life, they need to give him some attention and change their atttudes toward him...

This is a disgusting display of illigitimate parenting. "A mistake?" Not the boys' mistake, for sure. He might be paying for it, but he sure didn't make it.

In some states (as in Texas) it is illegal to leave a child under 13 alone at home unsupervised. You might want to check with local laws and see if there's merit. Remember to weigh it with the 'benefits' of foster homes or CPS seizure.

Talk to the principal first...

tillerbabe 55F

10/31/2005 2:34 pm

Oh this is hard.....so heartbreaking. First I want to say that your love and sensitivity may change the world for him. (Teachers are so special to all of us..who has forgotten their teachers?) He will always remember you. Since his home is such a cold place....keep making his time @ school one of warmth and acceptance. I knowyou will do this. This connection will make the difference; increasing his self esteem and desire for knowledge and learning.
I would report it. There may be more going on than you can see. It can't hurt, and if the authorities can find the "time" with their backlog of complaints and abuse within their world of over work, money constrants and administrative disfunction.. you will have done your best. Keep gving him love and acceptance in your world...make it "his". {=}

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
10/31/2005 2:48 pm

I think that if you try to take legal action you might have difficulty showing proof unless the child is willing to come forward. I agree with jim there talk to the princable and see if you cant get them into councelling...

Its funny...when I think back to my childhood...I hated being coddled..my mom says even as an infant the only time I wanted to be held was to eat and that was it ...but I still think its sad that this child is going through this...cuts heal and bruises fade but words can scar the heart for life...I wish you and the boy luck I hope you can turn his parents around.

PrincessKarma 43F
6188 posts
10/31/2005 2:52 pm

Yes, I think you should report it, first to the principal/counselor, then to social services if the child is still neglected (although that "Mistake" comment is grounds for indictment in my book ).

*heartbroken sigh* I'd adopt him, if I could afford to move and give him a halfway-decent home. I may not be too eager for the joys of motherhood, but there are so many unloved children out there it's selfish to insist on biological parenthood as the only option like some infertile couples do.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

Scottyboy2087 50M
85 posts
10/31/2005 3:02 pm

I agree with Jim, if you go to the authorities this little boy will be taken from his family, possibly from your school to as he is moved into care. I know things are not good at home but it is still his home, the only home he knows and I am sure as bad as it may be he would be devastated to leave it. You would then give the parents a chance to change, they may not know what they are doing, perhaps they came from a family that never showed love and they know no better.

Going to the authorities is a big step and you need to be sure that it is in the best interests of this little boy. I am sure you will find the right thing to do as you sound like a very caring person, good luck.

noflashboy 40M

10/31/2005 3:49 pm

I've never really responded to any of these bloqs before, but this one i had too. You find yourself in a really difficult position, and its really hard to say what you should do. I think you gotta make absolutely sure of your facts first,(although it sounds like you have already) before you do anything drastic. Try getting the parents to visit the school and have a chat with them, but make sure you are not alone, get the principle to sit it on the meeting. I think that most parents in this situation would want to accuse you as a outsider, of interfering with matters that have "nothing" to do with you, although we all know that it really does. This could make them very upset and make matters worse, and even get you into trouble.

You got to remember that this is someone elses child and that even though it is wrong what they are doing, you can only do that much and not more. Reporting this to Social Services can do good, but can and most possibly will make matters worse. Its obvious as you said, that this little boy loves his parents, and taking him away might just hurt him more than he is hurting now. I feel for you, cause as i can sense this is making you very sad, and you are probably thinking about it the whole time, but you cant blame yourself, you can only do your best, and that is what you are doing now. Give him the love and attention, talk to him about it and keep on hugging, but do go and talk to the principle and get that meeting arranged as soon as possible, before it brakes you and the little boy.

I hope this helped, im not sure it did. Im not really any good with these things, but i had to say something.

GuestInFrance 33M
16 posts
10/31/2005 11:13 pm

Your blog was the first thing I read when I got up this morning and I feel heartbroken. I think you should report it to the social services, and if they decide to get him a new family then it is their decition, not yours. I think you owe it to neglected children everywhere. I feel so sorry for the kid, i'm propably going to end up thinking about him all day. Please let us know how everything works out.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
10/31/2005 11:35 pm

Wow...I'm deeply touched by the responses I've recieved on this post. Thank you to all.
To all of you who said talk to the principal...in this case the principal is my Mom and Dad (it's their school). I have talked to them and they agree with my take on the situation...and that it is incredibly delicate. The last thing that we want would be for him to be taken away from the area and forced to leave the school...not to mention that, sadly, there are an abundance of corrupt people who run foster homes for the money and to take him away would be risking putting him into an even worse situation.
We have tried talking to his parents...after he repeatedly came to school late and without his homework. We used that as a cover to try to talk to them about their parenting skills. When they threatened to pull him out of the school, we backed off...again, the last thing we want is to lose contact with him.

I have decided to make a point of continuing the hugs and praise. I just wish that we could adopt him.
Thank you again to all who responded.

Efilnikufecin69 47M

11/15/2005 11:04 pm


HedonisticGuy69 46M
90 posts
12/19/2005 5:45 am

Classes in Parenting ought to be mandatory! It can run concurrently with prenatal classes. The state society is in means more and more individuals are ill equipped, if at all, for such a huge resposibility, yet, it's something that cannot be regulated.
It's Karma that people such as yourself will come into his life to balance out all that negative bs. Keep up the good work

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