I can't.....  

curious082385 31F
4230 posts
7/26/2006 3:39 am

Last Read:
11/15/2006 2:42 am

I can't.....

It's all written...a happy post...joking...goofy. There was a picture that I've been promising for a while. Ready to go. Casual, carefree, fun.
But I just can't post it.
This blog is mine, my words, a reflection of myself.
Mirror image caught in letters.

Look at me and you might see a young woman...
Smart, you may say. Poised or steady? Wise beyond my years or so you've often told me.

Tonight I can't be. Tonight I'm nothing more then just a girl, struggling to comprehend, weeping for the grief I see.

There are pictures everywhere of destruction, death and war.
Flag-draped coffins in the cargo hold of a plane.
Homes, towns, lives in ruins.
A tiny child laying dead in the dust, body broken and bleeding.
And I can't help but wonder at the stories.

Who is waiting for that coffin? A father and mother maybe...who cry as they look at pictures of their little girl, the one who comes back to them now forever silenced? Or is it a wife who is numb with pain as she stares at her wedding ring and remembers?

Whose house was that? Where are they now and where will they go? Will they return to pick through the rubble and try to rebuild their life?

Is there no one alive to mourn that baby? To tenderly gather up that little body and take it from the street?

Words fail me...

This is a selfish post and I don't blame you if you don't want to read it. Tonight I'm just rambling, trying to find some sense or order or reason behind all of this.
But there is only tears, endless confusion and grief.
Why are we at this place? Why are we doing this to each other? What is gained from the death of that poor baby?
Screaming, pleading...."why" into the abyss...and hearing nothing.
No answer or burst of clarity. Just the echo of a thousand other voices calling out the same....and receiving no reply.

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
7/26/2006 3:50 am

I completely understand. ~hugs~ my sweet friend.

curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:08 pm:
I thought you might.

Glimmer_Man06 47M
3308 posts
7/26/2006 4:02 am

This was amazing Z. Really heart wrenching, it brought tears to my eyes.

I agree. Both sides, all sides need to stop. Every time I turn on the news and have to see the suffering lives that have been shattered, wiped out forever, I am at a loss for words.

I think of what is to come, What could be. World War 3? What if it comes to me, here, where I live, on my street. What if that was my little girl laying there. All these thoughts travel through my mind and my heart, wrenching my stomach and making me sick.

The worst is, I am not allowed to hate those that have caused this. Because hate only brings more hate. How do we cope then? What are we supposed to feel? I too, sit next to you as we both yell into the Abyss, waiting, yearning for a reply that will never come.

They say a woman ages like fine wine...

...mine ages like milk!

curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:10 pm:
I don't know how to stop it.
All I know is that it has to stop...absolutely has to. We are going to tear ourselves apart if we keep this up.
The way to bring an end to it is not clear, but nonetheless a way must be found and I am confident that if enough people believe...that way will be found.

PipeDreams2oo6 44M

7/26/2006 5:10 am

As sad as it is and as much as I hate to say it,,it's what this world has become the best at,,taking,,killing,,destroying,,,no matter how much it bothers us,,no matter how much we do to avoid it,,it will always be here,,the hate,,the killing,,the war,,it will haunt us till the end of time,,as much as we'd love to get along,,as much as we'd love world peace,,for the lion to lay beside the lamb,,it just won't happen,at least not till the end,,all we can do is think,feel and care for those caught in the path of the war machine,,all we can do is hope and pray for those touched so deeply by the horrors of war,of hate....there is no sense,no order,no reason...for this is the fate of man...and it is sad indeed....

curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:11 pm:
It is our current trajectory, yes. Total destruction is our destiny and future this way...if nothing changes.
Nonetheless, trajectories, destiny and fate...all ruled by our own choices.

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
7/26/2006 6:03 am

some things make sense and some don't; we all learn that. hopefully not at a very tender age.
live your life the best way you can; help as many as you can.
and learn to live with the reality that you can never do enough.
my sweet kisses to you.

curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:14 pm:
It's me...I will never believe that there isn't more I can do. Just how I am.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
7/26/2006 6:28 am

Tis so true. I think that often, we only shed tears for things that effect only those we know. Things, terrible things... happen to people all over the world everyday.
ger - (Commenting freely and without expectation.)

curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:17 pm:
Yes and no. It is easy to fall into that and I catch myself on that sometimes. But with cousins who are all around the world doing aid work, friends in the military and family who is deeply involved in humanitarian causes...the reminders that there is no "us" and "them" are always close. I can't look at my cousin's pictures of starving kids in Africa and not cry for them as if they were my nieghbors.

rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
7/26/2006 6:38 am

My heart aches too. I feel powerless in the face of such images. I know that they won't listen if I scream to stop...but there are actions to take. Actions of diplomacy and aid...actions of spiritual solutions that have more effect than we know and which are often discounted. I'm just shooting this message off stream of consciousness, so I haven't looked it up, but I did see a documentary recently with the Dalai Llama who was speaking to people with solutions to suggest...things in which people can get involved. I made a post on my blog about it. I'll look it up and come back and post the title of it here.

I share your pain and fear about all this needless violence and destruction. One of the things that was said on that title is that people need to not let these sorts of feeings paralyze them....that's it's important to use that energy toward action that will help make a difference. I make that suggestion to you and to myself and to those who read here today. That's the only way to change things internally...and there's no way to sustain such emotions without becoming despairing. Action helps. Action creates possibilities.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....


rm_shannee2006 52F
3355 posts
7/26/2006 6:44 am

Here's that post. Since it's a review of sorts of this documentary, I went ahead and posted all of what I wrote. I hope that's okay...I thought it would help.

I just finished watching my latest netflix. Every so often I run across a documentary or a movie that seems to have a social message that speaks to the human heart or to the need for human survival. This is one such flick and I'd like to just point it out to folks to check out.

It's called Ethics and the World Crisis: A Dialogue with the Dalai Lama

It's a discussion with guest speakers: journalists, environmentalists, economists and politicians who all tackle issues such as the social responsibility of big business, climate change, demilitarization, and other issues that will effect coming generations and is already effecting us now...911, Katrina and the wars in the Gulf region.

Great view.

Yup...this juiciness is from me....


curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:19 pm:
I will have to check this one out...thank you for the recommendation.

And also for the reminder that we are never powerless...thoughts and intentions can do just as much if put to the correct use.

Seriously_Real 48M

7/26/2006 8:12 am

We're in the middle, sweetheart, struggling to surmount all else. Keep struggling. In the end there is love.


curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:21 pm:
Perfect. Wonderful.
Thank you for the much needed perspective change on this one.

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
7/26/2006 12:58 pm

    Quoting Seriously_Real:
    We're in the middle, sweetheart, struggling to surmount all else. Keep struggling. In the end there is love.

This is so very true... War is tough. I've lost a number of franternity brothers and other 'brothers in arms' over there. I can assure you that it's a hard thing to deal with, but I'm reminded daily that they enjoyed what they did. They were there to make a difference and they knew they might not make it out.

As for the civilians... Nobody is ever joyed when the innocent are caught in the middle. I can assure you I've got many, many pictures of soldiers saving kittens, babies, the elderly, etc... Not one of those pictures contained a smile on the troops faces.

However, I think you are speaking on a more out of the box level here... I agree that there are congressmen and women who have their heads up their fourth point of contact. I think we need to analyze where we need to be the most and concentrate on that area.

curious082385 replies on 7/26/2006 2:06 pm:
I responded to both you and Moe together further down the page.
Thank you for the comment.

curious082385 31F
4925 posts
7/26/2006 2:02 pm

Aascrompn and Freshmoe -
First off, please do not take this as an attack of any kind, because it truly is not.
Please do not think that I am not speaking from experience here. I was a military fiance for five years and lived most of that time on the base. Three deployments....Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia and Iraq. I have lost track of how many of my friends have done duty tours there or how many tours they each have served. Again, this is not an attack on either of you...just saying that I have my brothers and sisters there too and my opinions are not based simply on conjecture and news report propaganda. If you have a moment...this one was about those friends and our experiences.
Yes, there are those who believe in what they are doing, who feel justified and right in following the orders they have been given and I respect their feelings very much. No matter how much belief you have in what you are doing, it takes courage to go to war.
However, I also know that there are many others who believe that this is wrong...or that we are going about it in the wrong way.

In any case, I wasn't just talking about Iraq....but the entire Middle East, the AIDS crisis in Africa, poverty, Katrina's devestation and any other source of suffering around the world.

bardicman 50M

7/26/2006 2:38 pm

I cannot comment on this post because I know too many people over there. I know what they need and I know why they are not getting it but if I posted it I would be looked at in a light I prefer not to be looked at in. For those of from small towns like me, that have entire NG units deployed. Talk to them and you too will be able to witness all the propaganda and lies being broadcast in the news media. You too will learn about how innocent civilians might not be so innocent after all. Its war people. Its the precursor to WWIII which we will be fully involved in within 24 months.

I am not dead yet

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:40 am:
I understand.
I've seen both sides of it and both sides break my heart. To be honest, I think on this issue--and many others--the truth lies somewhere in between.

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
7/26/2006 4:53 pm

I sooooooo know where you are coming from! I am not one to blame you for what you believe in or what you feel you need to write! I'm actually honored that you have the courage to post what you truly feel.

The reason why I wrote what I did, is b/c I'm sick of having to defend the military. I'm tired of ignorant people who listen to CNN and its left side broadcasting. I'm trying to portray a feeling from a former soldier (myself and fresh included).

I'm trying to get anybody willing to listen that it's not up to the troops. You are right! There are many out there not defending our stance. However, they only have very limited knowledge at best! We have the CIA, and others who feed us knowledge, of which the gov. acts in the manner they see fit.

A true soldier does what he does when told to do it. Of course it's always ok to ask why, but the knowledge given is too limited for even them to get a full understanding!

I love that you understand the system! I love that you are sooooo pasionate about life in general... I think I have a disdain for people. I think that I overlook the real emotions which surge through me upon finding another dead. This is what I was trained to do. Suck it up and drive on, right?? This is what I do best!

Americans are not right, nor are they wrong! We truly are doing what we believe will help. Other agendas (including money) aside, we really are defending those who can't defend themselves. That's what this whole thing is about...

Bard is right! We are sooooooo going back into another WW. If I wasn't too old, I'd be back in a heartbeat! I loved what I had. I loved what I did. I love the fact that I can see children rejoin their families of soldiers coming home! I love the freedom that exists here above my native country, Canada.

What I'm saying is that there are no right answers! People hate people of other cultures b/c they just don't understand them. People hate other viewpoints b/c it's different! As long as a people impose their will, unwillingly, unto others war will be an everyday thing!

This is a very sad post! This is a very necessary post! I'm proud of your knowledge and viewpoint. I just wish, for one day, that people would truly try to understand the viewpoint of the soldier... It's the soldier that's doing this so we all can live, breath, eat, drink (alcohol) for free! It's the soldier that has to see and live w/ the consequences of war! It's the soldier that actually makes a difference.

Again, I know it's the broader picture here, but understand, please, that I actually love your viewpoint and that this is a recurring argument of which I'm tired of defending.

Katrina, etc... We can only do as much as we are prepared for! We were not prepared for something of this nature! Communication broke down and it's super easy to start pointing fingers. The end result... People are still dead. The place is still a mess. Nothing we do now, can correct the mistakes we made... It's kind of like killing animals to understand chemical weapons. It's necessary to test these things. It's sad, but it's true. We just were not prepared!! People figured shit out! The system now understands what our downfalls are! Trust me! Atlanta is now filled w/ people from there. We are accomodating people that don't even want to be here!!

I'm in no way mad! I actually wanna give you a hug for you're being so damn caring, whereas I can't. I just don't care. I think that I now live for me. I know it's selfish, but I'm tired... I'm drained... I'm getting old here! It's just not worth the fight anymore, to me. I know what I know. I know what I believe. I know that it's never going to be fully accepted.... so what?? I'm done!


curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:40 am:
Oh you and I soooooo need to carve out a few hours to sit and talk!

Lovin_U_4_Fun 54F

7/26/2006 5:25 pm

I think you already know the reason we are here and why there is suffering. (I mean this in a good way.) Remember? Remember. Re-member.

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:42 am:
Yes I do.

funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
7/26/2006 7:19 pm

There is no other excuse than greed. At the end of all analysis into suffering there is greed at its root.
Whether political or religious.
Why indeed.
Great post.

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:42 am:
Thank you. In all honesty, didn't expect this kind of response to it. Was just venting my confusion and thoughts.

marywannado 43F

7/26/2006 7:37 pm

It's all so sad,, *wiping tears away*,, why does the world have to be so cruel... Good post...

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:43 am:
I don't know...I just wish it didn't have to be.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
7/26/2006 9:42 pm

The trick is learing to not be so affected by it without becoming hardened to it. I'm opeating on about a 60% success rate, and think it's better than most.

Don't know whether this is good news or bad, come to think of it.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:44 am:
But isn't that part of the problem? Too many people figuring out how to not be bothered by it...until we reach the point where no one cares what we do to each other? We have to be affected in order for it to ever stop.

tootsiedippin 53M/52F
1078 posts
7/26/2006 10:36 pm

Can you control the wind and where it blows? Can you predict where it will blow? So you can not put meaning to it other than it happened.

And Wahine is right you can not becaome harden to it.

You can not at this point stop it either but you can become the best person you can be and affect those around you. A simple man changed part of the world we live in by being the person he was ment to be. Ghandi was quite and yet the world changed. But it did not stop there...A woman in a southern state refuse to stand up on a bus and started changes here in America. She also had the courage to be who she was.

So cry and know others cry with you. But when you are done stand up and become part of the change...


curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:48 am:
See above comment to Wahine too.....

Yes, you are right.
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"

rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
7/26/2006 10:51 pm

There is no order or sense to war. It is by definition a failure of sanity. For people to debate right and wrong ... when people start dying it's too late. There are no winners.

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 3:48 am:
You're right.

funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
7/27/2006 4:12 am

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    The trick is learing to not be so affected by it without becoming hardened to it. I'm opeating on about a 60% success rate, and think it's better than most.

    Don't know whether this is good news or bad, come to think of it.
The day I see a child suffer and am not affected by it is the day I want to leave this planet.
The space I will be taking up and the air I am breathing will be wasted.

curious082385 replies on 8/1/2006 4:37 am:
Same for me.
I hope that day never comes.

elysianpleasure 47M

7/27/2006 4:13 am

powerful post... I have nothing to add of value ;(

curious082385 replies on 8/1/2006 4:38 am:
Just your presence is something of value.

aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
7/27/2006 5:00 am

That, I'm sure, can be arranged, but it will have to be supervised!! I sooo don't need to get my ass kicked.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
7/27/2006 10:53 am

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    The trick is learing to not be so affected by it without becoming hardened to it. I'm opeating on about a 60% success rate, and think it's better than most.

    Don't know whether this is good news or bad, come to think of it.

curious082385 replies on 7/27/2006 1:44 am:

But isn't that part of the problem? Too many people figuring out how to not be bothered by it...until we reach the point where no one cares what we do to each other? We have to be affected in order for it to ever stop.

The key to what I was trying to say was in the SO affected part. (am trying to figure out how to explain it). Damn, I can't. It's just that it can become so overpowering, so overwhelming...it can render us useless. It can also invoke a belief that THAT's what the world is. It is certainly part of it, yes. But not all. And when I would see evidence of such things (Nam, etc) it would just throw my whole world out of balance - for too long and too great of a degree.

I guess it was looking at my own experience in dealing with these things, with the grappling that comes with figuring out what to do with it all. With how to get my world back into balance, in order to be effective, to be part of the solution.

What you're asking is the other end - and what I meant by not becoming hardened to it.

For me personally, finding that balance (eventually, not at the moment) was the really tricky part. And ultimately, our comments are based on our own experience. For you, my guess is that your ability to post about it is a contributing factor in you being able to find the balance.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

curious082385 replies on 8/1/2006 4:39 am:
"For you, my guess is that your ability to post about it is a contributing factor in you being able to find the balance."

Very much so...

want2play926 45F

7/27/2006 12:01 pm

I know...I too have thought the same things as I watch the news and read the paper. It is so sad.

The only anwser that I have is evil....Satan. His rule over this world is sad.

This life we live now is only a blink in time....a place we must travel through to get to a better one.

Don't forget, there is a lot of good too. All the people that come to help the ones in need, money that is given to help them, bilding homes for ones that lost theirs.

warmandsexy52 64M
13164 posts
7/27/2006 12:18 pm

I was sent here by aascrompn and I can see why. Very thought provoking.

I spoke to a fellow free-flyer on top of the hill a couple of days ago when we were between flights. He was one of the oldest flyers - about 70 - and I really like this man. He talked of walking through Hiroshima shortly after the war, kicking up the ash into clouds of dust carelessly as he walked along. By that time radiation sickness was already known, but it would take at least twenty years before the human psyche adjusted to a patently and scientifically obvious fact. After all, hadn't Marie Curie died of radiation poisoning and all those women who painted watch faces?

Humans are profoundly dumb and they need to go through a lot of collective pain before they come to realisations as simple as nuclear war will destroy humanity regardless of "victors" and "vanquished", or that carbon emissions will heat up the world's climate (think of all the starvation, all the wars that will cause, not to mention drowning cities - oh yes you learned a little from New Orleans, even though the problem had been scientifically documented for 20 years).

And why this rant? Well because we stil haven't learned that bombing and shooting people does not win them to your way of seeing things. In fact all it does is piss people off big time and make them hate and resent you. Al Quaeda make this mistake, the USA and UK make this mistake, Hizbollah make this mistake as do the Israelis. Hasn't anybody in power figured yet that all the consequences of violent action are broadcast worldwide on television. There is no glamour in the swish looking fighter bomber anymore - just the broken human carnage their bombs have created. There is no increased respect for Allah as a result of holy war by the recipients of such wrath - all that we see is the arbitrary dismemberment of passers by. In both cases the power of the argument about who has the better world view is lost with all the sick absurdity of a court case when the lawyers are allowed to shoot at each other in order that their case prevails.

You have written a great an thought-provoking post, curious, and certainly hit the nail on the head. If one person has to be killed in order to promote a principle about how we should be as human beings then there is something very badly wrong with it. Not my argument but that of Mahatma Ghandi.

warm xx

rm_anacortes 74M
2850 posts
7/27/2006 3:26 pm

I am not promoting a religion or belief BUT,

a person we call Buddha concluded long ago that life is about suffering... yes, there is the positive, but that is not "the problem"

So, it seems, it all depends on how one views "LIFE"..

Good luck!

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