Deal Breakers  

curious082385 31F
4230 posts
8/18/2006 2:40 am

Last Read:
8/25/2006 3:12 am

Deal Breakers

Everyone has their standards in relationships and we all have things that are deal breakers for us. Some of them are absolute and uncompromisable, others are things we just don't like in a relationship, but are willing to work around if the person is worth it. This topic has actually come up with two or three different people in the last few days and it's gotten me thinking.

For me, the absolute deal breaker that is probably the biggest is drugs. I have no problem with people who choose to, shall we say, enhance their lives (so long as they don't let it control them), but it isn't something that I will ever put myself into a romantic relationship with.

Of course, me being the curious person that I am, I'm wondering about this. What are the deal breakers for you? What will you compromise on and to what degree?


rm_PurryKitty2 48M/49F
9753 posts
8/18/2006 3:40 am

No criminal history whatsoever! Oh and they cant tell me what to do!

Purry {=}

Purry


elbman 41M  
2566 posts
8/18/2006 4:01 am

Honesty....the blunt lay it all out there kind....


toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
8/18/2006 5:06 am

i would agree with you about drugs, though it's never really come up so far in my life. i would draw the line in lying. i can forgive a white lie here and there, but it's ultimately detrimental to the relationship if someone lies...
and, yes, i have been lied to several times over...
great post. thanks. kisses.


rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
8/18/2006 7:32 am


Honestly, I think the things I could accept in a casual relationship would be different than the things I could accept in a life mate, and that's because I have been there and done that. It is true that I date much less frequently or casually than I used to because I am afraid of getting burned. No matter how casual the relationship starts off as, you OR the other person can wind up having stronger feelings for each other than you anticipated. And though I'm all for being supportive of a friend, I will not ever knowingly get romantically involved with an addict or commit myself to someone who looks to me like they are going down that path again because it is a path to hell for the partner that has to live with it.

A criminal record also puts me off.

Not to say that I don't realize that there are people that have regained control of their lives; so I won't say never (and jinx myself); but if there is a next time around it will be someone that is as good for me as I am for him.

Other IMMEDIATE dealbreakers; People prone to violence, people prone to disrespecting women, bigots, and small minded people.

Is that enough for now?

(I also don't date guys with no cars and no jobs. I already have 2 kids. )


rm_AnOddGirl 57F
3469 posts
8/18/2006 7:45 am

For me, addict of any kind, be it computer, drug, etc. All things is moderation - I don't have a problem with recreational use. The Other and the Biggie - Married. Dayum at least Honor the Oath they took!!!! I've been told too many times about 'loveless marriage' well hell, if the situation is killing them they need to get out or get counseling!

But in my case - I'm not looking for a 'relationship' I don't have the time!


nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
8/18/2006 8:04 am

For me I would tend to agree with you...A drug addict is a deal breaker PERIOD. You seriously have no idea how much I hate their kind and yes I do MEAN HATE...not dislike but PURE HATRED for their type. I do not tolerate even being in the same room with them for long...and if ANY of them ask me if I want to join them I seriously have to retrain myself from just wanting to beat the holy liveing shit out of them. I hate druggys. Now I guess I should define what I think of as a druggy. If they smoke pot...that is fine with me. Pot smokers or (hippies) as I like to call them do not bother me. But if you are into ANYTHING harder like cocain, crack, or meth or anything else like that you are scum to me. Another one would be an alcoholic. If you need to drink every day or every other day or once a week..I think you are too dependant on it...doing it once in a while is fine...as long as you are not dependant on it.

Another would be if shes abusive...I can take teasing and what not but if a woman if blatantly being mean to hurt me...She will never see me again. I dont put up with that crap either.


aascrompn 42M
6444 posts
8/18/2006 8:27 am

I will agree with the drug thing... I had drugs destroy an engagement for me in the past. drugs are ultimately what she ended up living her life for. In the process, however, she mentally abused me as well. Therefore, I will never accept them again.

Lastly, I have to say accountability is huge in my book. If you are running late, or get drunk somewhere and need to stay there, pick up the damn phone. That's another thing she did to me. No call, no show...


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/18/2006 1:17 pm

Wow, this is a tough one. Good, but tough.

Current dealbreakers:
1. any sort of menacing attitude that comes even a little bit close to mental or physical violence.
2. looking me or someone else in the eye and lying
3. being attached and sneaking around
4. when something doesn't ring true (hard to explain but I know it when it happens)

What I'm trying to develop into a dealbreakers:
1. behavior that causes me to feel less than I am
2. actually, #1 says it all

What I've eliminated as dealbreakers:
1. more than an inch shorter than me (shhh...thinking of our IM last night)
2. being a cigarette smoker

That was fun. I hope lots of people comment here, I'm interested in hearing what they have to say.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


absolutelynormal 56F
6563 posts
8/18/2006 5:46 pm

My deal breaker would be addicted to anything, well except blogging, maybe. Alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, sorry, Mac can't tolerate it. I'd help someone get help, but that would be it. Someone who has an illness, regardless of what kind but refuses to take their medication or help themselves, that would be a deal breaker too. Liars, cheaters, violent people need not apply. The older I get, the more tolerant of somethings I become, the more intolerant of other things. Shrugs. Nice post, Mac


Seriously_Real 48M

8/18/2006 7:48 pm

You know, I've never really had to think about it, actually. Sounds strange, I know, but the type of person I've always gravitated to has been free of things that I would instinctively know are dealbreakers.

So what I have to do is think about that which would drive me away. And for that I would have to say anything that is controlling. Don't MAKE ME do anything. Don't tell me what to do with my money, who to be friends with, whether to smoke or not, blah blah. It's about freedom. Don't take any ounce of it away from me.

And while being in a committed relationship implies the lack of freedom to fuck who you want when you want, it's okay when you don't want to. If you are in one and you DO want to fuck someone else, it's time to examine the relationship. Just sayin'.

--Seriously


funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
8/19/2006 1:36 am

Deal breaker.... a lie. No turning back from them buggers.


rm_totally_fake 43M
258 posts
8/19/2006 2:57 am

# 1 deal breaker is abusive people whether to animals or fellow human beings I do not have relationships with mean people! I noticed a lot of peeps say lies this me thinks this begs the question what really is honesty? Some would say there is always shades of grey in all issues. Things that make me go HMMMMM


papyrina 51F
21133 posts
8/19/2006 6:11 am

animal abuse,people abuse,lies once explained i can probably forgive,hubby having an affair with a woman no problem,God help him if i find him with a guy

Lies is a difficult one on here except for the single folk,too many like my self on here are married,so there fore we lie often,ot like my self,i don't lie i just don't tell the truth,which is similar yet differant,when i tell him i'm going shopping its not a lie as i do shop before or after my date,i just neglect to tell him every thing,wrong or right,it works for me ,


I'm a

and
i'm here to stay


tootsiedippin 53M/52F
1078 posts
8/19/2006 12:28 pm

1. Don't lie to me. I understand timing and I'm not talking slight omissions...But at lest give me the opportunity to decide how I'm going to handle it.

2. Don't ask me to lie or cover up for you. I can't lie...won't lie. You can tell me anything and it stops with me. I have been lied to by those who were coving up and hated what it felt like when it "All came out" I will not do this to someone else. So if it is something you should be dealing with and the other party asks me I will say "you need to talk to them"

3. Hard core drugs per-re-ud; Drinking with in limits and the occasional toke is ok but if even these are a very regular thing I loose interest real fast. Sorry been through the whole thing more than once and frankly if I don't have strong ties to you I'm not going to get involved. I can show you many doors that can help and I will even take you through them but that is it. I have been lied to, stolen from, forced into situations that put my integrity on the line... every thing you can imagine and more and more than once with those I have no choice but to help and I simply can not take on any more.

4. Violence. Again been there done that and don't have time for it.

5. People who put others down or put me down.


Dippin


rm_sj365 55F
2414 posts
8/19/2006 3:58 pm

hmmmm like wahine says..tough one.
there are a lot of things mentioned here that i wont tollerate & i guess are deal breakers...violence, mental abuse etc etc.

i think also for me its about intent. if you have a negative intention about damn near anything...to hurt someone, to make someone look stupid, to offend etc etc.
if you set out to do negative things..on purpose? big fat deal breaker for me.

if something negative happens by accident, but i know your heart was in the right place...not so much.


frassy_sass 54F

8/19/2006 7:45 pm

I would weed the person out prior to violence, drugs/alcohol before I ever became involved with them meaning I would have to know them for quite some time AS a friend before I would consider having an intimate relationship with them.

My deal breaker would be a person who does not have the above issues. He is smart, handsome and adores me. But, he slowly tries to manipulate me at the expense of loosing my sense of self.

Someone who would slyly try to undermine 'MY' friendships because in his opinion that they are influencing my sensibilities. Someone who would use words of love and caring to convince me HE loves me SO much that he is only trying to help me understand my character defects.

That is my deal breaking personna.


sexyariesgirl 57F

8/19/2006 8:28 pm

I refuse to tolerate anyone trying to control me in any way....I have had FAR too much of that in my life already thank you very much! I also won't tolerate being lied to. I realize that there are some things you may choose not to share....I'm talking about out and out lying to me about a specific issue. These are probably my main issues...but I don't care to be around anyone addicted to drugs or alcohol either.

Power To FOK


elbman 41M  
2566 posts
8/20/2006 12:51 pm

    Quoting aascrompn:
    I will agree with the drug thing... I had drugs destroy an engagement for me in the past. drugs are ultimately what she ended up living her life for. In the process, however, she mentally abused me as well. Therefore, I will never accept them again.

    Lastly, I have to say accountability is huge in my book. If you are running late, or get drunk somewhere and need to stay there, pick up the damn phone. That's another thing she did to me. No call, no show...
Cause you're never late......


elbman 41M  
2566 posts
8/20/2006 12:53 pm

    Quoting Seriously_Real:
    You know, I've never really had to think about it, actually. Sounds strange, I know, but the type of person I've always gravitated to has been free of things that I would instinctively know are dealbreakers.

    So what I have to do is think about that which would drive me away. And for that I would have to say anything that is controlling. Don't MAKE ME do anything. Don't tell me what to do with my money, who to be friends with, whether to smoke or not, blah blah. It's about freedom. Don't take any ounce of it away from me.

    And while being in a committed relationship implies the lack of freedom to fuck who you want when you want, it's okay when you don't want to. If you are in one and you DO want to fuck someone else, it's time to examine the relationship. Just sayin'.

    --Seriously
Insert BS Card Here.....


meerkittykat 42F

8/20/2006 1:04 pm

Ihot sent me here....a second destination from her. I personally blame her for the reason I haven't cleaned my house yet.

All the above-mentioned are true deal-breakers for me: liars, drugs, violent or controlling people, so on and so forth.

Unique to me...I need a fairly assertive and confident partner. I've spent time being the "cheerleader" in a relationship to someone who so struggled with self-confidence that it sapped me and turned me into someone I wasn't, and I resented that. For me, relationships are about equality; you hopefully receive in return what you put in. If I'm giving more than I'm receiving, then fulfillment left the relationship ages ago.


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/20/2006 2:45 pm

    Quoting meerkittykat:
    Ihot sent me here....a second destination from her. I personally blame her for the reason I haven't cleaned my house yet.

    All the above-mentioned are true deal-breakers for me: liars, drugs, violent or controlling people, so on and so forth.

    Unique to me...I need a fairly assertive and confident partner. I've spent time being the "cheerleader" in a relationship to someone who so struggled with self-confidence that it sapped me and turned me into someone I wasn't, and I resented that. For me, relationships are about equality; you hopefully receive in return what you put in. If I'm giving more than I'm receiving, then fulfillment left the relationship ages ago.
Hey, I blame 1hot for not cleaning my house, too! What a coincidence, yeah?

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


FeistySyn 51F

8/20/2006 6:16 pm

Besides the ones covered above, which I think I agree with them all, I would add:

People who are lousy parents... they can be "perfect" in every other way, but if they are a crummy parent, or clearly do not like children, they are history


Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
8/20/2006 7:47 pm

The drug thing, you all know I am going through it now. But my question is at least the deal breaker against me is my face. Hmmmm I think I am kind of normal looking but almost every time I write to someone on the AdultFriendFinder profiles I first read the profile (yes I really really read them there are some I don't want to go there with and there are some that would be a waist of time writing)then I write a funny, whitty nice letter and I will get the same response back "Hey I liked your letter you sound nice and sweet etc. etc. At the end of the letter they write send a fae photo. I write another nice letter and never get one back again. Are girls really looking for a nice guy when they say they are? Do you have to e Tom Cruse to get a write back here screw it I will just stay blogging. It is one of those thing that make me just think huuuuuuuu! Later JD


elysianpleasure 47M

8/20/2006 9:54 pm

Drug addiction is definitely one... I have seen too much.

Lies... blatant deception... fool me once... but never again.

Intelligence... I am sorry if the lights are on, but nobody is home... I can only deal with that for so long... before it gets kind of hard to deal with.


rm_lust2u2 51M

8/21/2006 3:51 am

Abuser (of drugs, trust, friendship, people, children, power, etc)...


rm_lust2u2 51M

8/21/2006 3:51 am

Abuser (drugs, trust, friendship, people, children, power, etc)...


bardicman 50M

8/21/2006 11:50 am

Women who say NO! Thats definately a deal breaker for me.



I am not dead yet


FeistySyn 51F

8/21/2006 8:27 pm

LMAO Bard... leave it to you to come up with the perfect response

Apparently the depth of depravity here is bottomless... don't you feel right at home?
~~~~~


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
8/25/2006 3:12 am

Loved reading these!
Thanks for sharing your answers everyone!


Become a member to create a blog