Being Foolish...  

curious082385 31F
4230 posts
8/1/2006 4:36 am

Last Read:
3/18/2007 2:38 am

Being Foolish...

What do you do when you have been in denial over something for so long...and then reality comes along, smacks you in the face and makes you deal with it?

I fell in love with him years ago...sometime around age 13. My closest friend and the only one that I truly told everything to. The timing was never of us always in a relationship, too scared of losing our friendship to act on our feelings. When the chemistry between us flared, it came at the worst possible time and destroyed our relationship completely. We lost contact with each other and haven't talked in four years. Because of the way things ended, we both thought we would never see each other again. In the last few years, I've thought of him often, but thought he would never want to see me, so I never tried to find him. He on the other hand has been searching for me for the last two years...and finally found me two weeks ago.

I'll be seeing him again weekend after next for the first time in years. I have missed his friendship so much and am beyond excited at the chance to have him back in my life. But the more we talk, the more I have to admit to myself that those old feelings are still there. I don't want to fall for him again. What if he doesn't feel the same anymore?

tootsiedippin 53M/52F
1078 posts
8/1/2006 5:33 am

What if...

Two little words that brought man to flight then let him stand on the biggest hunk of cheese we know...

Also those two words saw a generation of jew disapear...

You can also what if yourself into nothingness

powerfull word what if

what if you keep yourself busy, talk to your friends, and when the day comes you have a good time, talk like it was yesterday and you will smile?

this is one of those times you need to ride the ride and not try to stear it for a while

Yeah I like chick flicks can you tell?


curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:27 am:
I know...I usually hate "what ifs" and do my best to avoid them. The fact that I'm getting caught up in them over this...*annoyed sigh*...I don't like feeling so high-schoolish.

Seriously_Real 48M

8/1/2006 7:00 am

So here's where the whole amor vincit omnia thing comes into practice. What if he doesn't? Then it wasn't supposed to be. What if he does? Then it was.

I realize that this is a bit of post hoc ergo propter hoc faulty reasoning on the surface, but the truth of it is that feelings of love are unreturned all the time. That doesn't mean it is not worth finding out what's there. And if you look into it, you just might find that this guy is exactly who you thought he was, and feels exactly as you do. And then, who knows?

That's the fun of being human.


curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:29 am:
"That's the fun of being human."

And the annoyance of it as well.
Everything that you have said, I already knew...thank you for putting it in words. I keep re-reading this comment. It is bugging me to no end that I am acting like a dithering idiot about this.

rm_gerson42 52M
2419 posts
8/1/2006 7:45 am

Your feelings are there, he has shown interest in finding you. Certainly those are both things that lead to a little more exploration. and agree with whatever the latin stuff SR said.

curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:30 am:
I keep telling myself that....*sigh*
I guess it is just one of those wait and see things. Damn...I'm not the most patient creature...

toothysmile 50M
16515 posts
8/1/2006 10:46 am

this is among my favorite posts from you. so honest... so tender...
just follow your heart. and you won't be wrong.
sweet kisses.

curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:31 am:
I tried to hide this post actually...decided not to post it. Logged in tonight to find all these comments on it...apparently the site had other ideas and decided to share it with all of you.

rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/1/2006 2:00 pm

Don't know whether this is gonna be good news or bad news but...
At 52, I am no better at handling this situation than I was at 20.

So what the heck -
It'll be what it'll be.

Accepting it is maybe what I'm better at now.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:34 am:
I was kind of afraid that was the's not an easy situation to deal with and I don't want to mess things up a second time.
Damn it...I really don't want to care like this.
Doesn't my heart have an OFF switch somewhere?

angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
8/1/2006 2:18 pm

I fell in love with my husband when I was about 13 too. We spent many years drifting apart because the chemistry between us scared us to death. But we DID connect....and in keeping the conversation open and won out! Follow your heart sweetie!

curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:36 am:
Now that could be the base for an awesome love story!
I am planning on following my heart and just seeing where this leads...we'll see. I'm sure it will all end up the way it is supposed always does.

nightstalker172 36M
1258 posts
8/1/2006 6:07 pm

Well...if hes been searching for you for two years...I would say the chances are on your side...but nothing is ever certain with this type of situation...I guess all I can say is no guts not glory.

curious082385 replies on 8/2/2006 12:37 am:
That is kind of what I figured too.
But me being a girl and all, of course I'm going to stress about it.

funintheday2006 56M
9659 posts
8/2/2006 1:56 am

Indeed, trust and go, if thats what you feel you want to do.
Sounds like it could well be good.
You deserve happiness babe, I'm really hoping you find it with this man.
I've said it before and it still holds true " The only regrets we have in life are the chances we did not take"

Let us know. Thinking of you

curious082385 replies on 8/3/2006 1:04 am:
I will be sure to let you all know...I keep going back and forth between being terribly excited about seeing him to terrified....

elysianpleasure 47M

8/2/2006 8:28 pm

Be careful... but don't be afraid to find out what might be... good luck my friend And he will be lucky to get someone like you.

curious082385 replies on 8/3/2006 1:05 am:
Awww....thank you. We'll see. It will be interesting to say the least.

rm_mmmgoodnova 105M/105F
1259 posts
8/6/2006 9:27 pm

I hadn't read this before. The only advice I would have offered to you in person, having had a similar thing happen (14 and 20, respectively were the ages at which I reconnected with my first love) are: don't be closed to the possibility of a fairytale ending, but also understand that a lot may have happened in the intervening years to change the person you thought you knew. The shared memories will be there, the good times...the wonder at rediscovering him and marveling at the interesting changes time has wrought in both of you and the way you are both the same...but even with the surface "sameness," he alcould have picked up some baggage along the way. My first, very sweet boyfriend turned out to be a selfish misogynist those years later! The stars in my eyes blinded me to it...and so it was a painful re-acquaintance, a harsh awakening to the truth, and a bitter subsequent breakup.

Not saying your situation will be at all or even in any way the same, but just an old married lady talking here from her frame of reference. Don't mean to be a downer! And so...all that said...good luck! How exciting it must be to be seeing him again.

curious082385 replies on 8/9/2006 3:08 am:
No, not being a downer at all. I appreciate the honesty. This is part of why I'm nervous. People change a lot in four years and things may not be the way they used to be. I don't know what his expectations are (if any) or where his feelings are.
Just going to go with the flow, see what happens and hope for the best.

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