Naughty / Funny Pickup Lines  

cum2getherNC 34M
8 posts
7/11/2006 8:34 pm

Last Read:
8/10/2006 5:01 pm

Naughty / Funny Pickup Lines

I copied and pasted a bunch of pickup lines from various websites so there may be a few duplicates...There are naughty, good, terrible, and classic lines below...and even some Pickup Line Rebuttals women can use at the very bottom of the list.

POST A COMMENT HERE WITH THE BEST (OR WORST) PICKUP LINE YOU'VE EVER HEARD.

The only time I'd kick you outta bed would be to fuck you on the floor!

Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top.

Man: we better get you out of those wet clothes
Woman: what?
Man: [licks his finger an wipes it on her dress]
Man: those wet clothes.

I'm no weather man but the forecast is calling for several inches tonight !

MAN: There's a party tonight!
WOMAN: Where?
MAN: In your mouth and im cummin!


Will you play army men with meso I can blow the hell out of you!



Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns.



Is it cold in here, or are you just happy to see me.



Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?



Wow! Are those real?



There must be a keg in your pants, cuz I want to tap that ass.



I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.



Excuse me, miss, do you give head to strangers? No. Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.



True, there are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to catch and mount back at my place.



Why do I have a pierced tongue? You'll soon find out.



Hey baby, will you be my love buffet so I can lay you on the table and take what I want?



How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?



I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips, then move up to your belly button.



You must work at Subway, 'cause you just gave me a footlong



Hi, my name's ______. You better remember it cause you'll be screaming it later!!



Do you have a mirror in your pocket, cuz I can see myself in your pants.



Wanna ride? I got a truck and a box of condoms.



I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed rock.



Do you work for UPS? 'Cause I swear I saw you checking out my package!



What winks and screws like a tiger? (wink when she doesn't know



I'm not wearing any pants.



You have been very naughty! Go to my room!



Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under



Sex is like Pringles: once you pop, you can't stop.



Hey do you live on a chicken farm? 'cause you're really good at raising cocks



What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper



Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."



Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart



I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.



Is your father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.



I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated



Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?



(Use index finger to call her over, then ask)

"do you always cum when you're fingered?"



I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.



Your body's name must be Visa, because it's everywhere I want to be.



Let's do breakfast tomorrow. Should I call you or nudge you?



Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, and I'll do it your way.



Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.



You with those curves, and me with no brakes ...



Aw, girl, I'm gonna have to put you on my "To Do" List!



Save a horse -- ride a cowboy.



So ya wanta put your pickle in my juicy jar!!!



Is your dad a terrorist? Cuz you da bomb!



Lets play Pearl Harbor, I lay down and you blow me to heaven



Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.



What's a big girl like you doing in a small town like this.



Lets play house, you be the screendoor and i'll bang you all night long.



Sure its a needle but it moves like a sewing machine



You wanna come over to my house and play battleship. I can show you my destroyer



Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.



If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.



What do you say we go back to my crib and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply



Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.



Love is a sensation, caused by a temptation, to feel penetration. a guy sticks his location in a girl's destination, to increase the population for the next generation, did you get my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?



I have a six inch tongue and I can breathe through my ears



My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with their money?



Nice Shoes. Wanna fuck?



I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag.



Are you free tonight or is it gonna cost me?



I wish you were a carousel at Wal-Mart so I could ride you all day long for just a quarter!!



Hey babe, do you realize that my mouth can generate over 750 psi?



Why don't you get down on your knees and smile like a doughnut?



The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my crib and spread the word.



If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?



Can I touch your belly button...from the inside?



Hello sugarnot you the other lump!



I'm like novicane, Give me time I always work.



Nice legs what time do they open.



You're like a prize mouth bass... I don't know if I should mount you or eat you.



Wanna come upp for some sex and pizza?

... Whats the matter, you dont like pizza?



Hey baby, you must be a sweater 'cos you got me feeling warm all over



Check the girls clothing tag then say --> "Thats what I thought...made in heaven"



If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?



You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.



I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.



Man - Excuse me, want to dance?

Woman - No.

Man - Maybe you didn't hear me ... I said you look really fat in those pants!



Man - Fat Penguin !

Woman - WHAT?

Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.



Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

(No.)

Enough to break the ice. Hi my name's (_____)



I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good



Man - Do you like to dance?

Woman - Yes !

Man - Well then, could you go dance so I can talk to your friend?



I lost my teddy bear will you sleep with me ?



I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.



man at table: so baby when do you get off?
waitress: oh around 10:30
man: can I watch?



Can I borrow your phone number; I seem to have lost mine.



Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.



Be unique and different, say yes.



Are your pants from outer space? 'cause your butt is out of this world.



Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?



I must be in heaven cause I've seen an angel



You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.



I know milk does a body good, but damn girl, how much have you been drinking?



Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.



Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.



Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?



Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?



Screw me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?



I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.



Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.



Do you wash your pants with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.



If I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!



Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.



That outfit looks good on you ... but it would look a lot better in a crumpled heap next to my bed.



How would you like your eggs tomorrow morning?

Scrambled or fertilized?

Let's bypass all this bullshit and just get naked.



My name is {name}, but you can call me anything at all. Just call me.



You: Have I shown you my magic watch? It tells me that you're not wearing any underwear ...

Girl: Nice try, I am wearing underwear.

You: Shoot ... It must be an hour fast.



Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.



So What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?



The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.



There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.



Apart from being beautiful, what do you do for a living?



Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.



He : Hey Baby ... Wanna dance?

She : No.

He : Oh, C'mon! Lower you're standards a little. I did...



I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.



Cold out isn't it? (staring at tits)



Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets inside out....) Would you like to?



Soooo ... What is a slutty girl like you doing in a classy place like this?



"Hey Baby, are you into saving the environment????

Cuz, we can conserve water and shower together..."



Dude: "Hey Baby, Buy you a drink?"

Chick: "Sure "

Dude: (Swing hip towards her) "Cool, The money's in my pocket."



"Say...Didn't..No..Yeah! Didn't we have sex before?"



"Hey Baby, if I told you I hated that dress, would you take it off?"



If a girl asks, "Do you have the time?" You say, "Yea, do you have the energy."



"You're so hot you make fire sweat!"



"You know, you could use a little more protein in your diet....."



"If beauty was crime, you'd be in for life...."



"Wanna go halves on a baby?"



"Hey there, how would you like to wear those clothes to work tomorrow?"



"I love every muscle in your body .....especially mine"



"Those clothes are very becoming on you. Then again if I were on you I'd be

cumming too!"



"Baby, when you walked in the door, I damn near grew a third leg"



"Hey baby wanna wrestle?"



man getting a job application at an office:

man: hi, i'm interested in applying for a position here

secretary: what position are you interested in?

man: missionary.



"I've got the F, the C, and the K. Now all i need is U."



"I couldn't help but notice I was staring at you...."



"You like Pop Tarts?

Because that's what we're having for breakfast tomorrow."



"Do you want a drink?

Well...get one for me while you're at it."



"If I could be a tear...

to be born in your eye,

live on your cheek,

and die on your lips."



"If you were in my dreams...I'd sleep forever."

"Hey Baby, I'm hung like a rhino and I suntan with only my socks on."



"Damn girl, you could knock the stuffin' off an egg McMuffin."



"Since we're both alone, why don't we 'pretend' to leave together? That way

no one will think we were rejected and to make it even MORE realistic, you

can come to my place!!"



"Would you mind if I think about you when I masturbate tonight?"



"I've got a mosquito on my inner thigh. Will you slap it for me?"



"Well, I know you're flexible, but can you put your head between my legs?"



"Let's go behind the trees and fuck like weasels!"



"Hey babe, wanna sample my dna?"



"I've got a shiny new quarter hidden somewhere on my body...if you can find

it you can keep it!!!!"



"Hi, I've never done this before and I'm really nervous. I'm kind of shy, but

I just saw you from across the room and you seem like the kind of person it

might be nice to just sit down and say hello to. I mean, we could talk about

our mutual interests, get to know each other, and then we could fuck."



"What's a place like this doing around a girl like you?"



"You're so sexy, you make my ovaries spit eggs!"



"Hey, you know I paid for everything you drank tonight, don't you???"



Do you want to see something swell?



Wanna fuck like bunnies?



Hey baby, let's go make some babies.



At the office copy machine:

Reproducing eh? Can I help?

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children! For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.



Are you a surgeon? Cause you've just took my heart away!



Excuse me, but I think I dropped something ... My Jaw !!!



If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.



When God made you, he was showing off



It's not my fault I fell in love, you're the one who tripped me!



There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.



Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.



That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?



Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?



If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would put U and I together.



If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.



Are you a parking ticket? 'cause you got FINE written all over ya.



Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.



If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me?



Girl, you must be tired 'cause you've been running through my mind all day!



Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special



Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.



Are you a gardner, 'cos I want to put your tulips and my tulips together



You've got all the curves, and I got all the angles



I can't make a cherry pop, but I can make a bananna cream



If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole



You're last name should be Campbells, cus your mmmm... GOOD



Tell me something, girl. Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?



Your name must be cheerios...cuz you seem healthy for my heart.



Hey baby, You must be from Tennessee........cause your the only Ten-I-See



Excuse me miss, are you a Hostess? Because you've got some sweet cakes!!



Are you a sargeant? Cause you make my privates stand up straight.



You know what would look really good on you? No, what? Me.



Hey babe, nice legs....what time do they open?



Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"



Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?



As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!



As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!



Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!



Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!



Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?"



Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.



Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.



Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo system at home!



Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?



Does your boyfriend know where you are?



Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?



Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.



For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.



Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?



Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.



Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?



Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.



I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?



I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!



I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!



I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?



If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.



I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.



I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.



I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.



Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?



Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.



Overheard in our computer lab: Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are.



Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.



Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?



You are the only reason why I came in here alone.



You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.



You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.







Rebuttals to Pick Up Lines



He: I'd really like to get into your pants.

She: No thanks. There's already one asshole in there.



He: So, wanna go back to my place?

She: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?



He: I'd like to call you. What's your number?

She: It's in the phone book.

He: But I don't know your name.

She: That's in the phone book too.





He: Hey, haven't I seen you someplace before?

She: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.



A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pick-up line.

She grabs his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I don't see any potential here" and nonchalantly walks off.



After hearing a pick-up line: I like your approach, now let's see your departure.


rm_corezon 53F
3376 posts
7/15/2006 8:01 am

first thought...DUDE!! you have a blog!!

second thought...where DID you find all these???

3rd thought...damn I wonder how long it took him to type this post...took me quite a while to read it...

4th thought...wonder how many of these he's used?

5th thought...some of them might actually work under the right circumstances

Hope you stay here and play awhile not bad for a guy's first post (most post...HEY...where are all the REAL women? how come nobody answers my emails???...only to fade into oblivion...so sad...)


cum2getherNC replies on 7/23/2006 4:03 am:
I found them on Google and just copied and pasted them. I think it took longer to read them than it did to gather them.

I've used maybe a few of them at most. I like to make up my own! It's all about the delivery though....an ordinarily cheesy line, can be funny (and sweet) if said right.

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