entry numero uno  

cubuffone05 37M
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8/11/2005 12:59 pm

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3/5/2006 9:27 pm

entry numero uno

So I've been writing on various online journals for some time. Here is a classic one I wrote describing myself. It is probably about 4 years old...


Although it would be a pretty accurate description to say that I am a lot like a few of the characters in Atlas Shrugged and the Fountainhead and many of Ayn Rand's novels, that can only go so far in describing me. The more that I think about it the less it describes "me" but just a certain aspect of "me", which I am starting to think isn't a very large portion. To me everything revolves around one thing, Living. I enjoy living a lot, I love to think about how lucky I am for the planets being where they are, meteors hitting the earth when they did, amazing coincidences happening when they did in order for me to be sitting here thinking about it all. I can't believe the existence of trees, of oceans, beaches, clouds, because it seems so impossible that earth could be so perfect. I want to see all these things and I want to be able to enjoy them all too. I wish that everyday walking around I could appreciate these things and just be happy. Here's where the problem is: most people suck. I don't know what it is, I don't consider myself the smartest person on the earth and I contend that that doesn't even matter, but people don't give a shit. They don't give a shit about life, earth, other people, and especially themselves. Most people have no idea what it is all about. (disclaimer: I think I am right about this next point) I think everything revolves around living, just being alive, and maybe if you are lucky giving that privilege to someone else. There is no other reason to be around. Government is around to provide us life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, Jobs provide us a means to this end, and love gives you company through this incredible journey. To relate this to the point, "me". I live never forgetting these reasons, I believe that although these should be (are?) the guidelines for living beings many people never make that realization. They take for granted everything and just live for the moment, forgetting each passing one and take for granted each future one (some even look forward to the future, happy of the passing of time). Although I am guilty of looking towards the future quite often, at least I am aware of how bad it is. I think that most people live as if they are dying and have many vices to make this easier, whether it be an engrossing job, religion, military, it seems anything for a cause that people feel is greater than themselves is a vice. I believe that there is no greater cause than yourself. I think there is no reason to live other than to make yourself happy. Sure it is great to make other people happy along the way but ultimately everything comes down to "me". People will tell me that I am selfish...I will say that I am and ask if there is a problem with that. Is being selfish bad? I think the only bad thing about being selfish is the stigma society has attached to it. I think that I am less selfish than most people are, although it may sound odd I think that most people are "ultra-selfish". Everything they do is for their own benefit, though this isn't bad, their motivations are rather objectionable. I tell the truth to someone because otherwise I would be breaking my morality but also because I want to help that person out somehow. I want to teach people that they are not alone out there. Their journey doesn't have to be blind and companionless. Although I might not be that companion, I want them to know that a person (all people) can be there for no other reason than to share the beauty of the world with them, to enjoy the journey, to pursue happiness... I believe all people have it in them to be real, I think that although I don't believe in religion (the bible could be a tool to this realness that is totally misinterpreted) that the story of Adam and Eve is the ultimate understanding of this. We were all born innocent, we all lived in innocence for a time, and we all lost our innocence at one time. I think to be real you have to go back to this innocence, to a certain extent. You have to BELIEVE someone, you have to TRUST someone, and you have to "lack knowledge of evil." I would tell you I am real but I am more of a practitioner than a specimen. I can't be completely real when everyone else isn't. Herein lies the problem, if the easiest thing in the world, Love, is so impossible for people to understand and be in, then how can we ever all be real. Love is that trust that you give someone, your heart; you give your heart to someone because you KNOW that they will never betray you. In order for everyone to be real we all have to give that type of trust to each other. We know how impossible that is. It is like when you dare someone to do something and they won't unless you do it at the same time, then you both count 1...2...3... and chances are you have had an experience where you jumped (or whatever) and the other didn't. 6 billion, 270 million, 20,000, 10 people could never take this plunge to reality simultaneously. This fact is what makes me mad, yet gives me one of the biggest challenges of my life. I want to unify as many people; I want to change as many people as I can so that I can have as many real people involved in my journey as possible. I think that to have that would truly be "heaven" (the bible could be an attempt to unite people in this way, not a metaphysical heaven but a heaven on earth). All this information seems to me to be a good description of me, I can't tell for sure because you will never be able to see out of my eyes or think out of my mind, but this is what I live for. That is me...

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