Help me please!  

cru1972 44M
3520 posts
3/21/2006 6:02 pm

Last Read:
6/1/2006 2:35 pm

Help me please!


Before you read this, read My son is born. NOW, just to piss me off the bitch names him Dexter Lee (her ex-husbands last name). Welcome to the nightmare that is my life. I am just sickened by that fact. Now tell me what you think. She wants me to sign off on him, which means, having nothing to do with him. Now knowing she gave him her ex-husbands last name, I am considering it. Any input would be beneficial, some of the pro's would be

I would be done with her
I would be done with the pain, and hurt of this entire chapter of my life, I would be able to start over AGAIN.


Con's

I don't know if I would be able to live with my decision, especially if he is mine, I would not know the love of my 1st born, if he is mine

I can't go on now goodnight

LustGoddess2469 49F  
2453 posts
3/21/2006 6:50 pm

I know this must be really hard for you, but do what's right for YOU and for that baby. You have a right to know whether he's yours or not, definitively. If you really want to know for sure, have a paternity test done. If he's not yours, then you're free and clear - no worries. If he IS yours, then follow your heart and do what feels right.

Lusty


catseyes23 61F

3/21/2006 6:54 pm

Get a DNA test to prove who the real father is before signing off on him, Cru.

Cats...


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
3/21/2006 6:57 pm

No You will regret it for the rest of your life! He is your son even if his name is Elinfuckinwhatever. You wont be done with her, its a trick. You wont be able to start your life over again because a child is not something that can be set aside and forgotten. When he turns eighteen and maybe wants to find you and what then? Tell him what? Oh sorry, I ditched you because I wanted the easy way out, I didnt like your mother and your name pissed me off so I just dumped you like a piece of human trash by the wayside??? FUCK HER!!!! YOU WILL FEEL NO OTHER PAIN IN THE WORLD LIKE THE LOSS OF A CHILD! Nothing else can compare..........

Im sorry for going off but I know you will regret it and he will be hurt, so will you. Stay by your son. The rest doesnt matter.


sweetSinn2690
2943 posts
3/21/2006 7:00 pm

Oh my gosh you must be so stressed, I can't imagine! Well I can only offer my opinion here. First of all if paternity has not been established you need to have a DNA test done. The answer itself will send you in the direction you need to follow. When people have to share custody it's not always ice cream and cake but...if that child is yours you have the right to be with him, bond, share his joy in life and I guarantee it he will bring you joy like never before! trust me! Do NOT sign that child over until you are absolutely sure he is not yours, because once you do it you can't go back. That child will give your life a meaning to be here...and if he is yours can learn to tolerate the bullshit because nothing is more important than him... not her and her life and needs. If anything get a lawyer..believe me you will have rights you may not be aware of..take a chance, you won't regret it...Good luck...xo


Oh WHATEVER BITCHES!


rm_ambu252 44M
8 posts
3/21/2006 7:32 pm

Cru I feel for you and that sucks. Although im going through the same sort of thing over the past almost 2 years with my ex wife. Saying that she wants to come back and hangs out with me even to the point of picking her boyfriend up late from work. We still have sex and I have tried to tell him before about it but he doesnt belive a word I say. He was once a good friend so I thought but it turned out wrong. Last time we had sex was on the 7th of this month and Sunday would have been our 14 anniversary. Im stuck in a situation of not knowing what to do as well. Hell even a couple of weeks ago on a Saturday morning she woke up early and hung out with me from 8 am till almost 1 wonder what her excuse was for that? Sorry to hear your going through this.


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/21/2006 7:47 pm

Dna has already been taken. But what would be right? Letting a child never know his father,and following his life from afar. Or being there for him, even though it hurts to know that he will never really be considered my son, by anyone who knows his last name? I'm sorry i'm not making much sense right now. I'm so f'ing mad right now


HOTNBOTHERED0414 46F

3/22/2006 12:52 am

Do not give up! Fight to stay in his life! He will love you so much for this when he is old enough! And if you fight for him and get visitation, you will be so much more happy watching him grow up! Just think, you get to watch a little version of you growing up. And since you are getting a DNA and going through the court system, they will help control her. Pay child support, stay on the up and up, and no matter what she says, she has to follow the court order, and if she don't you have the courts on your side! And no matter how much she bad mouths you to your son, kids are smarter then we give them credit. Do not worry, if he is yours and you stay in his life, he will love you, and be a part of your life that you are missing!


angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
3/22/2006 4:23 am

I'm glad to hear that you are getting a DNA test done. If he is yours, both you and he will be happier if you stay a part of his life. Kids who dont have any contact with the non custodial parent always wonder if they did something wrong...or are just not good enough! Make her follow whatever the court orders are....and don't let the mom ruin your life. Let the court back you up if need be. I'm sorry you are under such awful stress right now. A son....should be one of the happiest times in your life. ~hugs~


sweetSinn2690
2943 posts
3/22/2006 5:41 am

Hon I know the name thing is bothering you but don't let that stop you from doing what you know is right in your heart,,,follow your heart...yes it would be more honorable if he had your last name but that's not what's important, a name can always be changed...what's important is that he has the opportunity to bond and grow with his father, if you don't give him that chance...it will emotionally play on him the rest of his life, believe me I have a daughter to prove it. She has not seen nor heard from her Dad in 7 years and has the emotions to prove it. If you choose to be part of his life, in a few years you will think...I can't believe I was even thinking of giving up this child...if he's yours, he is part of you, you made him. It's really not a choice. Blessings...xo


Oh WHATEVER BITCHES!


rm_saintlianna 45F
15466 posts
3/22/2006 9:02 am

If the DNA says he is yours.....................dont make me yell at you again, ok?


Kaliedascope61 41M
4084 posts
3/22/2006 9:25 am

My daughter lives in virginia, I am in texas. And it doesn't matter what you or her want, you can't just sign off. It isn't that easy. For one thing, there isn't a court in this land that would allow it with out someone else adopting this baby. Your son will always be a part of your life, and when you hold him in your arms, you will feel no grief, and no anger towards anyone one. Focus on your son, he will be your world, look to the future, thing about the times you will have teaching him to play ball in your back yard. She can't keep you from him, contrary to popular belief you do have rights, and no one, not even his mother can keep you from being with your son, even if its just every other weekend and every weds. I know that pain you feel, I know how hard it is to have a baby with someone who is vindictive. All I can is....love your son, don't worry about what she does, or thinks...its your boy! and congratulations.


rm_Kissmystuff 61F
1435 posts
3/22/2006 10:31 am

As someone who never knew my father..didn't meet him til I was in my twenties..I'd say..DON'T SIGN YOUR RIGHTS AWAY.

Make sure one way or the other if it is your child or not. I feel it's important that a child knows who it is..where it comes from.

Yes..it may be painful to deal with the woman..but something I want to put on your mind: If you do decide to remain in your child's life..it's important that both of you put the needs of the child first. That means no bickering or fighting..this is stressful for a child. So it's important that you come to terms with the animosity..and then let it go.

You and your ex are the adults here. Both of you need to put the child first. I realize that you can't control her actions and attitude..only your own. Even though it's hard begin to work on yours.

Kiss


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:05 am

    Quoting rm_Kissmystuff:
    As someone who never knew my father..didn't meet him til I was in my twenties..I'd say..DON'T SIGN YOUR RIGHTS AWAY.

    Make sure one way or the other if it is your child or not. I feel it's important that a child knows who it is..where it comes from.

    Yes..it may be painful to deal with the woman..but something I want to put on your mind: If you do decide to remain in your child's life..it's important that both of you put the needs of the child first. That means no bickering or fighting..this is stressful for a child. So it's important that you come to terms with the animosity..and then let it go.

    You and your ex are the adults here. Both of you need to put the child first. I realize that you can't control her actions and attitude..only your own. Even though it's hard begin to work on yours.
See that's the problem she doesn't care what she says in front of her kids, And I do. She has to make herself look good no matter who she hurts in the proccess.


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:12 am

    Quoting Kaliedascope61:
    My daughter lives in virginia, I am in texas. And it doesn't matter what you or her want, you can't just sign off. It isn't that easy. For one thing, there isn't a court in this land that would allow it with out someone else adopting this baby. Your son will always be a part of your life, and when you hold him in your arms, you will feel no grief, and no anger towards anyone one. Focus on your son, he will be your world, look to the future, thing about the times you will have teaching him to play ball in your back yard. She can't keep you from him, contrary to popular belief you do have rights, and no one, not even his mother can keep you from being with your son, even if its just every other weekend and every weds. I know that pain you feel, I know how hard it is to have a baby with someone who is vindictive. All I can is....love your son, don't worry about what she does, or thinks...its your boy! and congratulations.
I'm think you might be right about that a friend wanted to adopt his new wife's kid but, the father had to sign off first. Crap man, I bought a basketball hoop 6 mos ago! thanks alot


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:16 am

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    No You will regret it for the rest of your life! He is your son even if his name is Elinfuckinwhatever. You wont be done with her, its a trick. You wont be able to start your life over again because a child is not something that can be set aside and forgotten. When he turns eighteen and maybe wants to find you and what then? Tell him what? Oh sorry, I ditched you because I wanted the easy way out, I didnt like your mother and your name pissed me off so I just dumped you like a piece of human trash by the wayside??? FUCK HER!!!! YOU WILL FEEL NO OTHER PAIN IN THE WORLD LIKE THE LOSS OF A CHILD! Nothing else can compare..........

    Im sorry for going off but I know you will regret it and he will be hurt, so will you. Stay by your son. The rest doesnt matter.
I don't want to ditch him. It's the fact I know what she tells the other two about thier dad, and I know she'll say the same things 'bout me. And then the fun begins , Iknow all 'boput the GUILT that he will feel for loving me. My mother did the same thing to me and my father, I STILL have guilt for loving him.


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:20 am

    Quoting rm_saintlianna:
    If the DNA says he is yours.....................dont make me yell at you again, ok?
What can I do too get you to yell at me again I like it


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:21 am

    Quoting rm_ambu252:
    Cru I feel for you and that sucks. Although im going through the same sort of thing over the past almost 2 years with my ex wife. Saying that she wants to come back and hangs out with me even to the point of picking her boyfriend up late from work. We still have sex and I have tried to tell him before about it but he doesnt belive a word I say. He was once a good friend so I thought but it turned out wrong. Last time we had sex was on the 7th of this month and Sunday would have been our 14 anniversary. Im stuck in a situation of not knowing what to do as well. Hell even a couple of weeks ago on a Saturday morning she woke up early and hung out with me from 8 am till almost 1 wonder what her excuse was for that? Sorry to hear your going through this.
Thank you


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:25 am

    Quoting HOTNBOTHERED0414:
    Do not give up! Fight to stay in his life! He will love you so much for this when he is old enough! And if you fight for him and get visitation, you will be so much more happy watching him grow up! Just think, you get to watch a little version of you growing up. And since you are getting a DNA and going through the court system, they will help control her. Pay child support, stay on the up and up, and no matter what she says, she has to follow the court order, and if she don't you have the courts on your side! And no matter how much she bad mouths you to your son, kids are smarter then we give them credit. Do not worry, if he is yours and you stay in his life, he will love you, and be a part of your life that you are missing!
A little version of me, now that's just WRONG Do you relly want the world to come to an end?


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:29 am

    Quoting sweetSinn2690:
    Hon I know the name thing is bothering you but don't let that stop you from doing what you know is right in your heart,,,follow your heart...yes it would be more honorable if he had your last name but that's not what's important, a name can always be changed...what's important is that he has the opportunity to bond and grow with his father, if you don't give him that chance...it will emotionally play on him the rest of his life, believe me I have a daughter to prove it. She has not seen nor heard from her Dad in 7 years and has the emotions to prove it. If you choose to be part of his life, in a few years you will think...I can't believe I was even thinking of giving up this child...if he's yours, he is part of you, you made him. It's really not a choice. Blessings...xo
Well, I see and understand both your points and Thank You for taking the time to offer me help.


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
3/23/2006 1:35 am

    Quoting angelofmercy5:
    I'm glad to hear that you are getting a DNA test done. If he is yours, both you and he will be happier if you stay a part of his life. Kids who dont have any contact with the non custodial parent always wonder if they did something wrong...or are just not good enough! Make her follow whatever the court orders are....and don't let the mom ruin your life. Let the court back you up if need be. I'm sorry you are under such awful stress right now. A son....should be one of the happiest times in your life. ~hugs~
Are you sure it's not supposed to be this stressful? I'm sooo F'in scared. Where can I find a book on how to be a good father? Thanks for caring


twirly_girl 47F

5/18/2006 8:37 pm

I still haven't reached the first post I read of yours.
Odd... Must be coming up soon.


-Nikki


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
5/29/2006 7:36 pm

Damn I didn't think you were here This long just think of the fun we could have had by now


twirly_girl 47F

5/31/2006 5:02 pm

    Quoting cru1972:
    Damn I didn't think you were here This long just think of the fun we could have had by now
Some things happen for a reason...
But it's all so crazy, isn't it?

-Nikki


cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/1/2006 2:35 pm

    Quoting twirly_girl:
    Some things happen for a reason...
    But it's all so crazy, isn't it?
And some of those things are quite WONDERFUL


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