Afew father's day jokes  

rm_cru1972 44M
3520 posts
6/18/2006 8:24 am

Last Read:
2/21/2010 2:57 pm

Afew father's day jokes


Child sent to bed
A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]

"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

[Five minutes later]

"Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"


Dad will never say
Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.

7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.

4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.

1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.


Helping your father
A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man.

"My father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said.

"Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."

Fathers then & now
Today is one of the first Father's Days of our new millennium. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.

Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

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In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.

Today, it's the size of his minivan.

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In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.

Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

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In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.

Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

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In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.

Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

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In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.

Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

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In 1900, fathers pined for old country Romania, Italy, or Russia.

Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.

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In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.

If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.

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In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."

Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."

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In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.

Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."

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In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.

Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."

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In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.

Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted Sega!"

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In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.

Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.

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In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand tool.

Today, he'll get a digital organizer.

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In 1900, fathers said, "A man's home is his castle."

Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."

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In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.

Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.

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In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.

Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.

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In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.

Today, a father's involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.

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In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.

Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."

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In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.

Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So...how long have you had that earring?"

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In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.

Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.

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In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.

In 2006, fathers are never truly appreciated.

oldude1946 70M

6/18/2006 9:39 am

Very good


MWWwantsmore 51F

6/18/2006 10:20 am

LOL those are too funny! Happy Father's Day!


frbnkslady 48F
6183 posts
6/18/2006 2:05 pm

Cute jokes...

In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.

In 2006, fathers are never truly appreciated.



That is true.. in a lot of cases... But I love my Daddy.. and I am SOOO ever grateful for what he has done for me.
I wish you a happy fathers Day.. T

T




rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:32 pm

Thanks oldude


twirly_girl 47F

6/18/2006 2:35 pm


These were all great.
I loved the first one especially.
It sounds like something I would have done
when I was a kid.
lol

-Nikki


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:35 pm

    Quoting rm_yummmy669:
    HAPPY FATHERS DAY.....

    From an under appreciated mother.

    yummmy

    OH cru...looks like we get to do 1 69...sometimes I have to smile when I type in the numbers.
I'm sure you are apprecciated at least in the future they will look back and realize the evil of their ways LOL

Whoo Hoo I know what ya mean


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:37 pm

    Quoting lioness860:
    happy fathers day sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!! hope you enjoy it and the many that are coming
    L
Thanks V and, you get to enjoy today too I know the ones coming will be better


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:37 pm

    Quoting MWWwantsmore:
    LOL those are too funny! Happy Father's Day!
Why thank you M


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:39 pm

    Quoting rm_Dysgyzed:
    Quote: "sliding naked down an icicle."

    Sounds like a torture treatment that I may use at some other point!

    SEE the things I learn here at your place?

    Cute, and thought provoking stuff here Cru, Dear!
So glad I could *Learn* ya somtin, That's one torture I don't think I could handle LOL


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:43 pm

    Quoting rm_Dysgyzed:
    Quote: Today, fathers pine for old country Hank Williams.

    Yeah, babe. And modern day witches too!

    Seriously going to pop in the old Hank...been thinking of him for days now.

    SEE what sorts of things you inspire? *smile*
Awww you're not a *Witch* but maybe some people think you are not I of course, I know exactly what you speak ofI had to put some in as soon as I read this joke LOL


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:45 pm

    Quoting frbnkslady:
    Cute jokes...

    In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.

    In 2006, fathers are never truly appreciated.


    That is true.. in a lot of cases... But I love my Daddy.. and I am SOOO ever grateful for what he has done for me.
    I wish you a happy fathers Day.. T
And Happy Father's Day to you too You single mom's can celebrate too


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 2:47 pm

    Quoting twirly_girl:

    These were all great.
    I loved the first one especially.
    It sounds like something I would have done
    when I was a kid.
    lol
I did do similar to my dad, he was laughing so hard by the time he brought my water he could do nuthin but kiss and hug me


sweetSinn2690
2943 posts
6/18/2006 3:32 pm

Nice post cru...hope you are enjoying your special day!

xoxo
sweetSinn


Oh WHATEVER BITCHES!


RevJoseyWales 69M/66F
14393 posts
6/18/2006 3:33 pm

Happy Father's Day Chris. We know this has got to be special. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


MOfunNOWWOW 55F

6/18/2006 4:01 pm

Happiest of Father's Days to you! You deserve the best! Kisses and hugs and great post! {=}


MOMO
just a squirrel trying to get a nut


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 4:02 pm

    Quoting sweetSinn2690:
    Nice post cru...hope you are enjoying your special day!

    xoxo
    sweetSinn
Thank you sweet, I thought I had to lighten the mood after the last post LOL I have been enjoying it knowing I have Dex


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/18/2006 4:03 pm

    Quoting RevJoseyWales:
    Happy Father's Day Chris. We know this has got to be special. Joe
It's been special just KNOWING that My son is out there


angelofmercy5 58F
17881 posts
6/18/2006 5:11 pm

Happy Father's Day Cru! And thanks for the great chuckle today!


gypsy1629 41F

6/18/2006 5:34 pm

Very cute and good post....HAPPY FATHERS DAY Chris!

gypsy


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
6/18/2006 11:36 pm

I enjoyed reading through your post. Thanks!

Blog On!


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 2:02 am

    Quoting MOfunNOWWOW:
    Happiest of Father's Days to you! You deserve the best! Kisses and hugs and great post! {=}
It was ok thanks MO, I sure can use the hugs and kisses


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 2:12 am

    Quoting angelofmercy5:
    Happy Father's Day Cru! And thanks for the great chuckle today!
Thanks angel. And the least I could do is try to give a chuckle


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 2:14 am

    Quoting gypsy1629:
    Very cute and good post....HAPPY FATHERS DAY Chris!

    gypsy
Thanks gypsy, glad ya liked them


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 2:17 am

Thank you farm girl, Hope you had a good day with your dad too


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 2:19 am

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    Real good first Father's Day post..HAPPY DADDY'S DAY{=}.
Thanks Mzhuny, this was just to lighten the mood a little


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 2:20 am

    Quoting keithcancook:
    I enjoyed reading through your post. Thanks!

    Blog On!
Haven't seen you around in quite aq while glad you're doing good. Thanks


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
6/19/2006 9:34 am

    Quoting rm_cru1972:
    Haven't seen you around in quite aq while glad you're doing good. Thanks
I seem to be reemerging...


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/19/2006 5:30 pm

Glad to hear it. See ya around LOL


LustyTaurus 48M  
21253 posts
6/19/2006 11:39 pm

Great Jokes cru!!...Happy Belated Father's Day to you...


micahbiguns 50M

6/20/2006 1:47 am

Hope your fathers day was great


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/21/2006 2:59 pm

    Quoting LustyTaurus:
    Great Jokes cru!!...Happy Belated Father's Day to you...
Thanks Lusty


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/21/2006 3:02 pm

Not really, didn't get to see little one, but hey there's next year right ?


libgemOH 56M/52F

6/21/2006 9:00 pm

This one is perfect! Sorry I'm so late but Happy Father's day to you Chris!!! Hope your first Father's Day was wonderful for you!! -B


rm_cru1972 44M
4407 posts
6/22/2006 2:27 pm

    Quoting libgemOH:
    This one is perfect! Sorry I'm so late but Happy Father's day to you Chris!!! Hope your first Father's Day was wonderful for you!! -B
Lookin forward to next years more. Thanks though, it was nice just knowing I am able to celebrate that day


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