A Message to God...  

crazyname67 49M
200 posts
1/1/2006 10:13 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

A Message to God...

Dear God,

It's been a long time since I've talked to you. You must be really pissed at me for the direction I've been going with my life this last year. I've have everything that I've ever wanted but yet am not happy and am searching for more. I feel really let down by you and have no idea how I can reconcile our differences. How can I serve a God who creates people with passions and desires and then judges them for it when then act on those passions and desires? A God who will damn people to eternal fire if they don't choose to follow him. I gave my life to you to tell people about your good news of eternal life, but all along I struggled with how good that news really is. Now I feel like I've wasted alot of my life on a useless cause and feel like I missed out on so much. I know you're real from my experiences but I just don't like what I've seen of you. You seem harsh and brutal and you speak of love, but I see you as very selfish as you only want to hoard everyone's affections on yourself a your love is very conditional. If I have you all wrong, then please show me. I'm heading into a new year now and am looking for new purpose in my life. I still want to do good, but I have no interest in evangelism or the church. I've always wanted to make this world a better place to live in, but I've lost that focus lately and gotten off track just wanting to fulfil my own needs. I've become shallow and selfish. I don't want to go down that path. I want to be able to hold my head high and love and embrace people around me and be full of life and light and vitality. You might feel this is kinda fucked that I'm writing you hear, but this is the place that I feel comfortable with now. This is my church. Here I've met people who understand me and don't judge me and I've found kindred spirits. Why would I want to go back to a place where people look down on me because I no longer believe in things the way they do? I guess down in my heart of hearts I'm just really hoping that you are good afterall and that I'm wrong about you. That you really do love the people you created, and that there's a damn good reason why you aren't helping out those people who are starving or who are devasted in disaster, or the little children who are being abused or maimed or tortured!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT??? How is that loving? I don't know God, I just don't know how I can get past all this stuff? I just need a new set of glasses to be able to look at it all.

It's new years today, and I have a whole new year before me, but for the first time in my life that I can remember, I come into a new years with out a list of resolutions or goals. All I have is a sense of sadness and numbness as I feel my purpose is gone. All I have left is to make money to support my family and then find some pleasure in this fucked up world. And I know that there's more than that God... I've experienced it before. So anyways God, I know that I'm probably really disappointing you, but I hope you will hear me that I really don't want it to be this way. I really do wish that I could serve you, but I just can't right now.


crazyname67 49M

1/2/2006 9:39 am

Sure... What are your experiences with God?


crazyname67 49M

1/3/2006 10:29 am

Wow - you sound more pissed than me!


Become a member to create a blog