Scent of a woman  

cornfluzed 47M
2 posts
11/28/2005 5:43 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Scent of a woman

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to find the one true love for youin this great big world? I would think it to be the same for both a man & a woman to invision then ideality are both the same as the other.
I remember when I was a young boy in elementary school I had my first real crush on a woman in 4th grade. I remember her puffy, platinum blonde hair, her beautiful blue eyes that when needed could burn a hole right throught even the most stuburn of kids. I thought she was the greatest teacher that walked the halls of the school. Little did I know then, that would be what I would thrive for for the rest of my life.
The following year, came another one of those heart-wrenching, gut-pulling things. This time it wasn't a 4th grade teacher. This time, it was a girl the same age as me but with brown hair & brown eyes this time. I look back on that now and can honestly say it wasn't looks that drew me to her. I can safely say when I hear the phrase, "Love is blind", I know that for a fact. That very girl asked me to go out with someone else instead. So I did. But, the other girl & I had nothing in common except the one I would do anything for. That summer was the worst because she moved away. But I got over it.
For the next few years and then high school, I would develop crushes that would eventually lead to nowhere. Many of the relationships I had ment little or nothing. Mostly the girls wanted me to go out with them. Amongst all the teasing, fights, and other high school immature actscame something I never would have thought I would see because of me. I never thought I would see it because I never looked at myself as being desirable to anyone other than good ol mom. haha.
Jealousy is such a deep burning thing that in the long run will burn out any chance of a lasting relationship can endure. no matter how innocent something can be, someone will take it the wrong way and make it into something that it isn't. Maybe that is why I never persued women when they left for another guy. It never seemed to be worth the time to figure out where I went wrong.
Then comes the later years and women go in and out of my life. One decided to hang around to this day. Knowing that all she wil ever be is a friend, she stays. To look back on it, reflects mny things on what it is we look for in that perfect someone. I looked at mental stability, independence, intellect, and personality rather than physical charactoristics. I still do to this day. But it feels as though I haven't gotten anywhere. Granted, I have been married but it didn't work there either.
I got married because a girl told me she was pregnant. Bad Mistake. The way I was raised, it was my responsibility to see it through so I married her even though I knew I couldn't live with her. But I had to try at least. Not only that but mom wouldn't stand for that not to happen.
Anyway, 11 years, 2 kids later,I still look for the happiness I had when my kids were born. I don't live with the but sometimes think it would be much easier than living alone. But, you know, I wouldn't change anything now other than I would have never gotten married. I would have still wanted the kids and treasured them. but it would have been left at that.
Here I am at 36. I'm not tied down to anyone persae other than legal matters. I search every woman's eyes to see what it is in life I am missing. Physical lust is something that is part of the primitive man in me would feed on. But, the other part wants the stability of finding the right one. We as humans, feed off of one another in a sense. We feed off of each others emotions, social actions(whether it be right or wrong), and we also feed off of our sex. Acceptance is a key ingredient who makes us who we are. Without it, we need paxil, and other chemical toxins to help balance us out.
Ok now that I went way out into left field with this, I will end it for now. Leave me a message.
Here's a sparkling twist. Have you ever thought of yourself as an animal?


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