Things elsewhere  

company_od 42M
95 posts
6/22/2006 10:03 pm

Last Read:
8/17/2006 10:09 pm

Things elsewhere


I don't make a secret of it, its on my profile. I am a widower and I have two kids. I think I'm fairly together in my decisions and plans so for the most part I do things under my own recourse. Occasionally I get something I don't know what to say to. For that purpose I've started to utilize humanity's knowledgeable resource, the internet. So I'll skip details and cut to the point of where it all going. I was on a site where I felt obligated to share my view on a matter as I was there seeking knowledge as well. Not fair to feed out without feeding in. Still it wasn't something I wanted public so I posted privately my view and some encouragement. Well I received a response back that caused me to pause. "How do you handle the guilt?" As with anything I've posted I always state that I get input alot from close friends, not necessarily is this all in the same time frame but I feel its no need to make note of when and where for this purpose. Protect the guilty, punish the innocent comewhatmay.
Anyway that simple question was something I could answer and I did but there was a lot more to it and it wasn't helpful to her but maybe it might be elsewhere. Since this is my platform I might as well use it for this as well. For the most part I don't dwell on there things that happen in life. Here and there, little this or that, but for the most part I'm too swept up in the everyday fight and contemplating the everchanging expanse of the world. Still I do have things I regret. Who doesn't. Insert your own Chinese proverb here, the fact is it doesn't help you with anything ultimately. Still you cannot ignore it. I tend to be proactive in my approach to things of that manner. It is the way I deal with my grief, my anger, my sorrow, my fears and of course regrets. I choose when to battle my personal demons, when I know that it is creeping up on me and some of the doors in my mind have already been loosed by life and events I take the time to confront the issue. I blast my defenses wide open and rush into the oncoming horde. I show the truth the guilt that is false, I accept that there are things I cannot affect and that defeats the guilt that is left, I face my fears and self doubts with irony and sarcasm and laugh at my petty fears and they slink away. I speak rationale and logic to my anger and cool its fire. My regrets I hug tight and promise that I will do better. Then before they rally again I restore my discipline and gather my defenses. My mind once again is free to roam and banter and play. Still there are those people who come into my life that I can't help but feel some close bond some kinship. Just the same I wish I could wipe out all their problems and give them all they desire. For the most part I can only offer solace. A fellow traveler in life's blasted battlefield. A companion to walk and talk and share. So to these rare and few people that wish to know about me I'll wage that battle and open those vaunted doors and trot out some of my personal demons to the light of day. I know that I'll usually pay for it later when I'm alone and have to work the hardest to restore my equilibrium. Still it is worth it to be known to let someone in and give them a true look at my self and my heart. Many people are invited to see my mind, I put it available for all to see. The antechamber of my heart is fairly easily to win by friendship and companionship. Still I fight all the hardest to keep my dark despair away... I can handle it, it doesn't rule me because I won't let it. I know that there are those rare people out there who have glimpsed my self that is tormented there and have not run. I knew it when I shared that, that's why I did. My true vanities, embarrassments and unreasonable fears I share with the world (just not too loud, lol) My heart is only for those I care so much about. That connects with 'on love' for that. So how do I deal with the guilt? Practice, lol. In its on way, but the real answer to me is that I accept it as part of me, I just don't let it rule me. I hold it up to the light and I judge it's value and treat it accordingly. True some guilt I carry is completely undeserved. I carry it because I know it is not my fault but I am the one that can bear it, so I will. Don't look for my blog on Self-esteem I just took one of those web tests and it actually said I was normal, LOL. I guess that maybe I didn't understand something 'cuz I know I'm far from normal, plus what's that doing in a self-esteem test? Anyway conclusion... Be true to yourself and don't attempt this at home unless you have let your food digest for one hour. lol

Sweetpickles69 47F

6/22/2006 10:39 pm

Wow! writing a book? Just kidding!

Love ya,
Shelle

Peace,
Pickles


BaronessK 52F

6/23/2006 1:52 pm

Not like ya feeding me bullshit, od! And pickles......he is usually 'the quiet one'! He can be a 'flirt'...sometimes...YOU flirt with him...betcha he flirts back {at the very least}!


company_od 42M
70 posts
6/24/2006 4:25 pm

    Quoting Sweetpickles69:
    Wow! writing a book? Just kidding!

    Love ya,
    Shelle
Yes, and I just sent you a copy! LOL


company_od 42M
70 posts
6/24/2006 4:27 pm

    Quoting BaronessK:
    Not like ya feeding me bullshit, od! And pickles......he is usually 'the quiet one'! He can be a 'flirt'...sometimes...YOU flirt with him...betcha he flirts back {at the very least}!
I owe my flirting sucess to your 'How to flirt' blog then and my continued confusion to your 'How to flirt' blog


company_od 42M
70 posts
6/24/2006 4:29 pm

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    That was a really good blog..to thine own self be true..and ya was..real nice..hun.
Thank ya very kindly for the compliment and taking the time to read through some of my ramblings.


BaronessK 52F

6/25/2006 1:46 am

Bite me!


countryheart_71 45F
8082 posts
6/26/2006 10:03 am

You have to be yourself or you will not be happy for long.

~Country~


company_od 42M
70 posts
6/26/2006 9:33 pm

    Quoting countryheart_71:
    You have to be yourself or you will not be happy for long.
I agree completely. Anyway if you aren't yourself then you'd also be someone else so you can't have it both ways. Thank you for treading the lengthy diatribe.


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