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Taken from a book of assorted limericks -
There was a young man with a fiddle
Who asked of his girl "Do you diddle?"
She replied, "Yes I do,
But prefer it with two-
It's twice as much fun in the middle. "
In the shade of the old apple tree
I got all that was coming to me.
In the soft dewy grass
I had a fine piece of ass
From a maiden that was fine to see.
Of his face she thought not very much,
But then at the very first touch,
Her attitude shifted-
He was terribly gifted
At frigging and fu**ing and such.
A worried young man from Stamboul
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
"Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
She egged him on with her charms,
And wriggled right into his arms.
She promised him bliss
With her first little kiss,
And they soon found themselves in a barn.