You know what all work and no play means?  

clitalicious67 49F
2596 posts
8/14/2006 4:21 pm

Last Read:
8/15/2006 10:17 pm

You know what all work and no play means?

NEW OFFICE GUIDELINES

To All Employees:

Effective August 1, 2006

DRESS CODE:
- It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, or dress Right out of GQ we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

SICK DAYS:

- We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS:

- Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:

- This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to
have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in
the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

TOILET USE:

- Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three
minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

LUNCH BREAK:

- Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch
to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a
Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,
aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.

Wellllll NOW...with that being said...HAPPY HOUR anyone!?

Happy Monday Ya'll!

P.S. This sounds kinda like wherecuummdrop works...(giggling)...

C~



rm_CuummDrop 49F
2591 posts
8/14/2006 8:22 pm

lol, my dress code,, low cut blouses ...

Sick Days,, made feel guilty when one is taken

Lunch?... who gets a lunch?

i sit and eat lunch at my desk,,, at my 2nd job while i file... There is no lunch break

Toilet use?... Ummm if you call,, running to the bathroom and hope to dear goodness the phone doesn't ring,, or.. the bell goes off,,, you'd better not drink anything an hour before you're shift.. lol

kisses,

me~c

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c


Passion247000 46F
3195 posts
8/14/2006 8:30 pm

That is soooooooooo good!!!! {{{ROFL}}}}}}}}}}}} this has to be the funnist post I have read all week/month.... Thanks for the laughs..... I am going to link it on my blog.... for others to read.... it is just too great a post not to.... hope ya don't mind.... if ya do, just let me know,k? ......

...i still can't stop laughing...........

thanks so much, Clit! ya have cheered me up!!!

i love ya!!!!!!


toothysmile 50M
16514 posts
8/15/2006 4:23 am

well... if cuummdrop works there, perhaps i should apply too?... and see if i can help her with her... ahem,... lunch. btw... where do YOU work?... [wink].
kisses.


clitalicious67 49F

8/15/2006 4:24 am

    Quoting rm_CuummDrop:
    lol, my dress code,, low cut blouses ...

    Sick Days,, made feel guilty when one is taken

    Lunch?... who gets a lunch?

    i sit and eat lunch at my desk,,, at my 2nd job while i file... There is no lunch break

    Toilet use?... Ummm if you call,, running to the bathroom and hope to dear goodness the phone doesn't ring,, or.. the bell goes off,,, you'd better not drink anything an hour before you're shift.. lol

    kisses,

    me~c
I think my favorite part of that is the toilet rules...OMG I snorted when I read that one at work...almost peed myself...wonder what kinda rules they have for that?


clitalicious67 49F

8/15/2006 4:25 am

    Quoting Passion247000:
    That is soooooooooo good!!!! {{{ROFL}}}}}}}}}}}} this has to be the funnist post I have read all week/month.... Thanks for the laughs..... I am going to link it on my blog.... for others to read.... it is just too great a post not to.... hope ya don't mind.... if ya do, just let me know,k? ......

    ...i still can't stop laughing...........

    thanks so much, Clit! ya have cheered me up!!!

    i love ya!!!!!!
I am glad it made you laugh and cheered you up...my job is done Hugs to ya C~


clitalicious67 49F

8/15/2006 4:34 am

    Quoting toothysmile:
    well... if cuummdrop works there, perhaps i should apply too?... and see if i can help her with her... ahem,... lunch. btw... where do YOU work?... [wink].
    kisses.


I work in hell with fluorescent lighting (giggling)...but I do have a window in my office


rm_CuummDrop 49F
2591 posts
8/15/2006 5:07 am

    Quoting toothysmile:
    well... if cuummdrop works there, perhaps i should apply too?... and see if i can help her with her... ahem,... lunch. btw... where do YOU work?... [wink].
    kisses.


well... Wellllllll
you know what they say, don't You?... Lunch...Does a body good...[grinz] CuummDrop


Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c


BlackHeatLust 47M

8/15/2006 10:05 am

Very nice indeed C. You have outdone yourself tihs time my friend.


mewisemagic3 50M

8/15/2006 8:04 pm

The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.
-The Management


clitalicious67 49F

8/15/2006 8:40 pm

    Quoting mewisemagic3:
    The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves.
    -The Management
I have that sticker on my car...LMAO


mycin62 54F

8/15/2006 9:56 pm

LOL These are 2 funny!

For the toilet use, I though you were gonna say the toilet seat becomes electrified after 3 minutes!


clitalicious67 49F

8/15/2006 10:17 pm

    Quoting mycin62:
    LOL These are 2 funny!

    For the toilet use, I though you were gonna say the toilet seat becomes electrified after 3 minutes!
Yes they are a hoot...I got a good laugh when I got this at work...and I do love the picture being posted...too funny...C~


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