Remembering....  

clitalicious67 49F
2596 posts
5/14/2006 8:59 am

Last Read:
5/19/2006 2:10 pm

Remembering....

I visited the blog of WackyTitsand there was a very moving poem that brought so many memories flooding back in...it has been 8 years today since I left an abusive marriage fleeing for my very exisitence...I found this poem that reflected so much of what I thought during those dark years...I am not that woman anymore and she almost seems a stranger to me now...but once a very long time ago...this was me...Peace C~

Why?

I lay in the silence of the darkness
and hear the echoes of the night
Laying next to you I hear you breathe
in the shadows of moonlight.
I want you to embrace me
but I can't stand your touch
As I feel your body close to me
the pain is just too much.

The aching of my body
and the bruises on my skin
How can you sleep just knowing
the torment that I'm in?
This pain you have inflicted
I cannot understand
How can you say you love me
with the palm of your hand?

For better or worse our vows of love
till death do us part
Were broken on our honeymoon
like a knife in my heart.
As you're sleeping soundly
my eyes filled with tears
Is this what I have to look forward to
for the next fifty years?

Silently I get out of our bed
and tiptoe to the door
I then slip into the shower
and fall silently to the floor.
Crying as I try to wash
the filth from my skin
The memories stay to haunt me
of this terror I live in.

Curled up on the shower's floor
crying my silent tears
I try to wash my bruises
and escape my fears.
I wonder why you hurt me
and say that it is love
Why take away my happiness
and all that I dreamed of?

Like a child to be punished
you say it's discipline
"For I must obey my husband
and show respect to him."
You say that I'm deceitful
and that I have affairs
I'm sleeping with the neighbour
I have lovers everywhere!

The pain of your accusations
cut me like a knife
How could you think I'd do that
even though I'm your wife?
So you hit me to remind me
not to fool around
The sanctity of our marriage
is just emptiness I've found.

As I wipe away the tears
I can still feel the pain
What is this need to punish me
over and over again?
You promised to protect me
but I can only wonder why
The same hand that embraces me
is the same that makes me cry.

As I crawl out of the shower
I had hoped to clear my head
But all I felt was hopelessness
as I returned to bed.
I lay there in the shadows
listening to you breathe
Wondering if I'll ever have the strength
and the courage to leave.

© Christina
4th July, 1995


I post this in memory of the girl I used to be and know that I am not a victim but a survivor...


jd29992z 54M
3888 posts
5/14/2006 3:26 pm

No one should feel like that I know all too often it happens all the time and it is very sad. I am glad you are a different person now and I wish with all my heart especially on mothers day all mother could sleep with comfort and love. Be strong JD


rm_CuummDrop 48F
2591 posts
5/15/2006 1:24 am

OMGosh... "Wendy, I love You and I'll never do it again".... i'd rather sleep with a freaking 10 foot long snake... My first husband, I hated him,... But now, I've forgiven him, for he hast' the problem not me.. (fucker)... Sometimes in life, we have a bridge to go down, thou' scenic along the way, we learn from that route, and the route that you and i took,,, seems that we both had the same scenery.. my first black eye come from him, ever.. The 2nd and so on and so forth... my first miscarriage was from him, and me losing my baby, was from him.. Those things i'll never forget, but, still, i've forgiven, he's got the problem i don't.... Same thing with you Clit... He's got the problem,, You don't... I Love you.. Very Much...

Clit.. i love you for who you are (even thou' you make me tinkle)..lol

Survivor - Destiny's Child

Now that you're out of my life
I'm so much better
You thought that I'd be weak without you
But I'm stronger
You thought that I'd be broke without you
But I'm richer
You thought that I'd be sad without you
I laugh harder
You thought I wouldn't grow without you
Now I'm wiser
Though that I'd be helpless without you
But I'm smarter
You thought that I'd be stressed without you
But I'm chillin'
You thought I wouldn't sell without you
Sold 9 million

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

Thought I couldn't breathe without you
I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you
Perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you
But I'm lastin'
You thought that I would die without you
But I'm livin'
Thought that I would fail without you
But I'm on top
Thought it would be over by now
But it won't stop
Thought that I would self destruct
But I'm still here
Even in my years to come
I'm still gon be here

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

I'm wishin' you the best
Pray that you are blessed
Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon blast you on the radio
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon lie on you and your family
(I'm better than that)
I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines
('m better than that)
I'm not gon compromise my Christianity
(I'm better than that)
You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet
Cause my mama taught me better than that

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?)

(Beyonce)
Oh (oh) oh (oh)...

After of all of the darkness and sadness
Soon comes happiness
If I surround my self with positive things
I'll gain prosperity

I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm not gon give up (What?)
I'm not gon stop (What?)
I'm gon work harder (What?)
I'm a survivor (What?)
I'm gonna make it (What?)
I will survive (What?)
Keep on survivin' (What?
)


Love you baby.. kisses

Now won't last forever, so use it wisely~c


sexyariesgirl 57F

5/15/2006 12:08 pm

Thank God you are a survivor! Hurting for the victim you once were, as are so many still, but proud for you that you are now the survivor you are!

Power To FOK


TTigerAtty 62M

5/16/2006 4:13 pm

Glad you are no longer in an abusive relationship! The poem is very, very powerful!


clitalicious67 49F

5/16/2006 8:26 pm

    Quoting jd29992z:
    No one should feel like that I know all too often it happens all the time and it is very sad. I am glad you are a different person now and I wish with all my heart especially on mothers day all mother could sleep with comfort and love. Be strong JD
JD well ty...and thank you for the words of comfort...I take comfort in knowing when I look in the mirror these days I see no traces of her anymore...and the strength to be drawn from this is to find the good you can and take it with you and let the rest go...because if you don't then they win!

Hugs

C~


clitalicious67 49F

5/16/2006 8:28 pm

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    Wow..reading that..I was taken to another time..that was heavy duty..awesome.
Every now and again something will take me back to that time...and it reminds me to be thankful...


clitalicious67 49F

5/16/2006 8:29 pm

    Quoting rm_CuummDrop:
    OMGosh... "Wendy, I love You and I'll never do it again".... i'd rather sleep with a freaking 10 foot long snake... My first husband, I hated him,... But now, I've forgiven him, for he hast' the problem not me.. (fucker)... Sometimes in life, we have a bridge to go down, thou' scenic along the way, we learn from that route, and the route that you and i took,,, seems that we both had the same scenery.. my first black eye come from him, ever.. The 2nd and so on and so forth... my first miscarriage was from him, and me losing my baby, was from him.. Those things i'll never forget, but, still, i've forgiven, he's got the problem i don't.... Same thing with you Clit... He's got the problem,, You don't... I Love you.. Very Much...

    Clit.. i love you for who you are (even thou' you make me tinkle)..lol

    Survivor - Destiny's Child

    Now that you're out of my life
    I'm so much better
    You thought that I'd be weak without you
    But I'm stronger
    You thought that I'd be broke without you
    But I'm richer
    You thought that I'd be sad without you
    I laugh harder
    You thought I wouldn't grow without you
    Now I'm wiser
    Though that I'd be helpless without you
    But I'm smarter
    You thought that I'd be stressed without you
    But I'm chillin'
    You thought I wouldn't sell without you
    Sold 9 million

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?)

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?)

    Thought I couldn't breathe without you
    I'm inhaling
    You thought I couldn't see without you
    Perfect vision
    You thought I couldn't last without you
    But I'm lastin'
    You thought that I would die without you
    But I'm livin'
    Thought that I would fail without you
    But I'm on top
    Thought it would be over by now
    But it won't stop
    Thought that I would self destruct
    But I'm still here
    Even in my years to come
    I'm still gon be here

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?)

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?)

    I'm wishin' you the best
    Pray that you are blessed
    Bring much success, no stress, and lots of happiness
    (I'm better than that)
    I'm not gon blast you on the radio
    (I'm better than that)
    I'm not gon lie on you and your family
    (I'm better than that)
    I'm not gon hate on you in the magazines
    ('m better than that)
    I'm not gon compromise my Christianity
    (I'm better than that)
    You know I'm not gon diss you on the internet
    Cause my mama taught me better than that

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?)

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?)

    (Beyonce)
    Oh (oh) oh (oh)...

    After of all of the darkness and sadness
    Soon comes happiness
    If I surround my self with positive things
    I'll gain prosperity

    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm not gon give up (What?)
    I'm not gon stop (What?)
    I'm gon work harder (What?)
    I'm a survivor (What?)
    I'm gonna make it (What?)
    I will survive (What?)
    Keep on survivin' (What?
    )


    Love you baby.. kisses
CD ya know I loves ya and thanks...you know all about that time in my life...hugs C~


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