Out Of The Closet  

clevergirl4U 58F
1461 posts
8/5/2006 9:27 am

Last Read:
8/9/2006 7:36 am

Out Of The Closet

A lifetime ago I lived in Europe and trained as a Chef. I lived and worked in France, England and Ireland. This is how I met my ex-husband, who is now a well-known Chef in Louisiana. I left the business with the birth of my son.

Last night I moved my enormous collection of cookbooks to a new bookcase. I open many to find pressed flowers and herbs, and notes scribbled on the food-stained pages. Most were inscribed by the Chefs for whom I worked. I felt "lump in the throat" sad and the tears started. I felt like others must feel when they read old love-letters.

But, as I have written recently, I am not a sentimental person. So what were these crocodile tears about?

I miss the adventure. I miss the adventurous girl that was me. I locked her in a closet on the day my son was born and I became a Mom.

I recently realized that I dis-engaged from my life, and became fully engaged in my son's life. This is not a good thing. It's probably why we are both seeing a therapist

I'm letting the adventurous girl out of the closet. She needs fresh air and sunshine. She needs a new adventure.

Besides, now that my son has his license, he can drive himself


kyplowboy22 61M

8/5/2006 12:44 pm

I can see it now! Chef Cleaver's "Chateu Cafe'" in the Quarter down in Nawleans. World renouned herbal gumbo. "Make yo' tongue beat yo' lips haff to death, y'all! Iffin' it was any bit betta, y'all wouldn't be able to stood it!" Go for it, kid!

kpb

PS: First wife was a Cajun from New Orleans


clevergirl4U 58F

8/5/2006 6:12 pm

Naw...you misunderstood kpb. Or I wasn't clear. I want a NEW adventure. To be a working chef this late in life is pretty brutal, physically....twelve hour days on your feet. When I left the business 17 year ago, it was time.

But your cajun is pretty damn funny


rm_Lloydthomas 67M

8/6/2006 9:36 am

Congradulations. It sounds to me an even more impportant element to your new life than the green eating. Not that going green isn't a wonderful thing. Sometimes serious illness can be the inner being and or higher power's way of forcing us to change. When we decide to really live, other chemicals are released. It is a state of mind incompatible with terminal illness.
I can tell by the feel that you will follow through. I have just ended 10 years of extreme challenge. Now I am reconnecting with the rest of me. But, like you, there is no going back to who I was. I have been in an intense process of examination and experimentation to discover who this new synthesis will become. Getting closer.
Wrting the book is an important part of it.


keithcancook 60M
17718 posts
8/6/2006 10:08 am

It's perfectly normal for us to re-invent ourselves when the need arises.

Good luck, and

Blog On!


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/6/2006 2:58 pm

Yeah, I get the post. But one thing - why did you refer to them as crocodile tears? Most tears are anything but.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


clevergirl4U 58F

8/7/2006 5:34 am

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    Yeah, I get the post. But one thing - why did you refer to them as crocodile tears? Most tears are anything but.
Crocodile tears are the big ones that escape and slide down my cheek when I am trying to hold in the sadness... a slow plop....plop...plop.
When I let go and open the floodgates, it's more like a dam bursting


clevergirl4U 58F

8/7/2006 5:38 am

    Quoting keithcancook:
    It's perfectly normal for us to re-invent ourselves when the need arises.

    Good luck, and

    Blog On!
It would seem so


clevergirl4U 58F

8/7/2006 5:44 am

    Quoting rm_Lloydthomas:
    Congradulations. It sounds to me an even more impportant element to your new life than the green eating. Not that going green isn't a wonderful thing. Sometimes serious illness can be the inner being and or higher power's way of forcing us to change. When we decide to really live, other chemicals are released. It is a state of mind incompatible with terminal illness.
    I can tell by the feel that you will follow through. I have just ended 10 years of extreme challenge. Now I am reconnecting with the rest of me. But, like you, there is no going back to who I was. I have been in an intense process of examination and experimentation to discover who this new synthesis will become. Getting closer.
    Wrting the book is an important part of it.
I do believe that illness is a wakeup call from either my inner being or higher power. I've had that alarm clock go off a couple of times in my life, but I just hit the snooze button. not this time.


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
8/7/2006 9:42 am

    Quoting clevergirl4U:
    Crocodile tears are the big ones that escape and slide down my cheek when I am trying to hold in the sadness... a slow plop....plop...plop.
    When I let go and open the floodgates, it's more like a dam bursting
Ahhh...
I've known crocodile tears to mean insincere or fake crying and was gonna scold you for not "allowing" yourself to believe them real. But in that case, forget my question and...

YEA!!!! A NEW ADVENTURE!!!!! OK, now I'm excited about the post.


And I totally agree about the title - we are what we are, yeah? A few years ago when I was considering getting my Bachelor's Degree, I was flipping through a college catalog and ran across all these great courses - art, music, literature, etc. The counselor noticed and said, "oh, those are all for a Liberal Arts degree." It was like this silly little revelation for me - "ohmigod, I AM liberal arts!" I was in business at the time and would we'd joke about when I was gonna come out of the LA closet.

And yes, on the whole mom thing - it sounds like we're in similar places. Right now I'm dealing with the fact that I kinda jumped the gun and am not quite there yet (kid is only 13). So maybe I'll live vicariously through your adventuring until it's time for mine.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
8/7/2006 10:32 pm

Well good for you...and nice to hear a little about your background. I too gave up a career to raise my boys..and they are still young..so I am trying to get more balance in my life while still being a mom is my most important role for the next several years.
I am still in the midst of my divorce, there is so much going on...but I have had some opportunites for adventure in the past year that I never thought I would...go for it!! Be a litte crazy, Clevergirl.


swlaman1 65M

8/8/2006 6:44 pm

Baby, you can drive my car!
Yes, I'm gonna be a star!
Baby, you can drive my car!
And Baby, I love you!

Beep Beep Beep beep YEA!

And don't stop driving for nobody. It ain't nohow permanent.

Peace.


tenorsaxxman 65M

8/8/2006 9:36 pm

Adventure huh?
1. Go to your local regional airport and inquire about a) skydiving b) parasailing c) hang-gliding
2. There is an organic farm (they grow herbs and vegetables) in Costa Rica where you can volunteer and stay there for a week or two. I can maybe find the link if you are interested.
3. Take scuba lessons
4. Write a book
5. Go skinnydipping in a river
6. Take a rafting trip
7. Go to your local honky-tonk and sign up for dance lessons (even if you know how)
8. Buy a thong bikini and wear it somewhere on vacation, far away from anyone you know.
9.Volunteer at your local zoo.
10. Start a blog . . . .. .oh wait . . . .. ..you've already done that !! (see, it's working!)

The Saxman

Tenorsaxxman


ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
8/8/2006 10:20 pm

I gave up a career for my health... ugh... Miss ya... hope things are really wonderful for you.

Artistic


clevergirl4U 58F

8/9/2006 7:16 am

    Quoting swlaman1:
    Baby, you can drive my car!
    Yes, I'm gonna be a star!
    Baby, you can drive my car!
    And Baby, I love you!

    Beep Beep Beep beep YEA!

    And don't stop driving for nobody. It ain't nohow permanent.

    Peace.
Now THAT made me smile!


clevergirl4U 58F

8/9/2006 7:27 am

    Quoting ArtisticTwist75:
    I gave up a career for my health... ugh... Miss ya... hope things are really wonderful for you.

    Artistic
I AM doing pretty well. I've gotten very involved in alternative medicine...mostly healing herbs, teas, and eating only foods highest in photonutrents. I didn't PLAN on becoming a vegan...it just happened. I eat salmon and herring because they are so high in omega-3 and allow myself a little crumbled feta, otherwise I am not eating any animal protein. I'm also juicing vegetables and growing my own herbs from seed. I also journal and meditate. Health and healing became the focus in my life, and most days I feel very good. If you ever want any specific info re: your health problems, pleae email me. I have a small collection of books on the subject and continue to to research and explore.


clevergirl4U 58F

8/9/2006 7:36 am

    Quoting tenorsaxxman:
    Adventure huh?
    1. Go to your local regional airport and inquire about a) skydiving b) parasailing c) hang-gliding
    2. There is an organic farm (they grow herbs and vegetables) in Costa Rica where you can volunteer and stay there for a week or two. I can maybe find the link if you are interested.
    3. Take scuba lessons
    4. Write a book
    5. Go skinnydipping in a river
    6. Take a rafting trip
    7. Go to your local honky-tonk and sign up for dance lessons (even if you know how)
    8. Buy a thong bikini and wear it somewhere on vacation, far away from anyone you know.
    9.Volunteer at your local zoo.
    10. Start a blog . . . .. .oh wait . . . .. ..you've already done that !! (see, it's working!)

    The Saxman
Wonderful ideas! OK...I have a problem with the thong....but otherwise all sound exciting.

I'm going to start taking a class in stained-glass window-making next month. I want to put some stained glass of my own creation in the house.

Still have lots of kid commitments...especially in the fall...traveling will have to wait until next summer. I'd like to learn more about the organic farm. Thanks for suggestions!


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