Not Enough Shirts In My Closet  

clevergirl4U 58F
1461 posts
7/15/2006 12:11 pm

Last Read:
7/30/2006 6:30 am

Not Enough Shirts In My Closet

Watching "Brokeback Mountain" has been on my list of movies to see. I rarely go to theatres and can almost always wait for the DVD in the comfort of my own home. I'd read about all the awards it received, and laughed at many of the late night jokes. When a movie causes ANY kind of stir, I make it a point to see it. Like contemporary literary fiction, movies can be a remarkable mirror reflecting what is going on in the culture.

Beautiful cinematography of the landscape, excellent performances, provocative theme...it had it all.

But what surprised me most is when I teared up at the end over the infamous shirt scene. It's a tear-jerker, and I found myself wondering if I had ever loved anyone to that extent. I'd certainly never kept a special man's shirt in my closet for 20 years. I didn't frame it as "gay" love...it was just plain old love...and I envied the characters for that shared love and devotion.

Love is love...I think that if we stop looking for it in all of the "logical" places, we may end up finding it in strange and unexpected places... Do you have momentos that can bring up a tear/sadness/longing years after the fact?


norprin5 55M

7/15/2006 2:28 pm

my queen watched Brokeback one evening when i was at work...i asked her how it was, she said "ok, but you wouldn't like it" i said, "why, i got no problem with gays" she sez "i know, but it's a love story, and nothing blows up and nobody gets shot"

i have a little pirate's chest full of old stuff...pictures of high school friends, pins & ribbons, an old hookah that i can't part with...

King Nor XVIII


TheRealThing655 48F
9558 posts
7/15/2006 5:59 pm

I remember that scene very well too in the movie...
I still have some cards from a boy in high school who I always thought was my "first love"...I also have an email he wrote me back in 1999 when we connected (not romantically) and he told me his Hodgkins disease returned after 10 years of remission. He died 3 months after that email, at age 35. Looking through these things makes me cry..not because he was the great love of my life..but just remembering the past, and so sad his life was taken away at such a young age, and wondering why these things happen to people.


ArtisticTwist75 41F
2505 posts
7/16/2006 2:56 am

Love and logic are often contrary aren't they.

Artistic


clevergirl4U 58F

7/17/2006 10:07 am

Valley: Same here except for a sealed box of love letters in the attic. But in the years since they were written I feel much less romantic about that relationship

Nor: I have a feeling that not many straight men watched the movie

Real: Sad to hear about your "first love"...I'm not surprised that you have momentos and can still feel the pain of that loss...you seem to be a very tender-hearted person who is open to those feelings...

Artistic: I tend to lead with the head rather than the heart, but I think you are right that most people love inspite of the logic

Honni: Yes... certainly true of this movie and the shy, awkward, meaningful silences performed by Heath Ledger...


swlaman1 65M

7/17/2006 8:33 pm

I haven't seen the movie yet but I'm not going to let my being a straight guy stop me. Really good movies are rare.

I seem to be outside the norm when a long term relationship comes to an end. Freaky as it sounds I've had two and now we are best of freinds. It would be easy just to say that is what we should have been all along, just friends, but that would not be fair to the love we had. When we were lovers we were meant to be lovers. When we were in love it was real. For whatever reason it just ended.

So to answer your question, yes I have many "shirts". These two women shared 14 and 16 years of my life. I wote poems for them. I find them handwritten and shoved in a box. Stop and have a good cry. I can be looking for a pencil in the "junk" drawar and find a hair clip, the one she wore just over her left eye. Stop and have a good cry. Enough.

"Do you have momentos that can bring up a tear/sadness/longing years after the fact?"

I do. Each is a treasure in it's own right.

As always, Peace.


tenorsaxxman 65M

7/18/2006 4:50 pm

I don't think it has to be a physical thing. I have a memory of my first unrequited love that makes me cry every time it cycles through my memory. I was 18, head over heels the summer after my freshman year in college and thought she felt the same. I called to take her to a movie that we had planned and she said she forgot and was washing her hair (duhhhh!). I went alone and half way through the movie saw her necking with another guy two rows up. I came very close to driving my car off the flyover on the freeway. My demeanor, which had been very happy-go-lucky, friendly, and outgoing completely changed that night forever. I have since been a loner, morose, introverted and withdrawn. Few friends and little happiness now, thirty-seven years later in a second marriage. We go on, but those things that are kept, whether physical or emotional sometimes loom as giants. Never have found a way to let go . . . .and another teardrop falls. Treasure or madness?

Tenorsaxxman


clevergirl4U 58F

7/18/2006 9:51 pm

swlaman: Well, I've read your poetry...glad that someone kept them...you are quite the poet.

End of relationships? My ex stays on good terms with old girl friends...in fact, he dated one while we were married Seriously...I think there is a big percentage of people who can remain friends when "it's" over...I've just never been one of them.

I've kept every picture drawn and note scribbled by my son, and I feel sad that all of those ages and stages are gone forever. But I seem to find it hard to "re-feel" what I once felt in romantic relationships...for me, the memories are like like watching a familiar movie with a sense of detachment...


clevergirl4U 58F

7/18/2006 10:10 pm

    Quoting tenorsaxxman:
    I don't think it has to be a physical thing. I have a memory of my first unrequited love that makes me cry every time it cycles through my memory. I was 18, head over heels the summer after my freshman year in college and thought she felt the same. I called to take her to a movie that we had planned and she said she forgot and was washing her hair (duhhhh!). I went alone and half way through the movie saw her necking with another guy two rows up. I came very close to driving my car off the flyover on the freeway. My demeanor, which had been very happy-go-lucky, friendly, and outgoing completely changed that night forever. I have since been a loner, morose, introverted and withdrawn. Few friends and little happiness now, thirty-seven years later in a second marriage. We go on, but those things that are kept, whether physical or emotional sometimes loom as giants. Never have found a way to let go . . . .and another teardrop falls. Treasure or madness?
Hmmm...good question. For me, it would be madness. I couldn't give my life over to one event, or person, or let one event rob me of hope, or joy. I've felt broken-hearted, and for me, maybe time heals those wounds. I don't seem to "do" anything to feel better but move forward.

I've found that for every event or person that "breaks" me, another person or event shows up to redeem me....


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
7/19/2006 11:41 am

    Quoting rm_valleyrat4:
    I don't hold on to anything material that would cause that reaction. No one has been in my life to make me want to hold on to something.
Oh, that comment is so you.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
7/19/2006 11:46 am

    Quoting rm_valleyrat4:
    I don't hold on to anything material that would cause that reaction. No one has been in my life to make me want to hold on to something.
The movie itself was so-so, but the jacket scene really got to me. I've been a notoriously sentimental packrat my whole life so I'm in the process of getting rid of this kind of stuff, before I have to build a Xanadu to house it. Actually the letting go of it part has been a surprisingly fun process. Just don't even THINK of taking the rock from Jim's dad's rock garden! I still have my limits.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


log55 58M
443 posts
7/29/2006 6:56 pm

Interesting you should mention the shirt. In my closet is a never worn flannel shirt about 25 years or so old. It was a gift from a special lady. The first gift a woman had ever given me for Christmas. Lost her.


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