A Dog-Eared Cover, But A Damned Good Read...  

clevergirl4U 58F
1461 posts
3/17/2006 6:24 pm

Last Read:
5/24/2006 7:06 pm

A Dog-Eared Cover, But A Damned Good Read...

A man wrote to me today with a request; IF I could effectively defend the "...Married Man...", would I please try to effectively defend the idea that "there is more to a book than its cover?" This man wants women to give him a chance, to look beyond surface appearances, and to give some value to kindness and character.

This one is for you.


************



Most folks INITIALLY come to this site in search of SOME kind of encounter that in MOST cases includes sexual intimacy.


(Expectations range from somewhere between a blow-job in a car in a Walmart parking lot, and a marriage proposal along with a June wedding.)

**************


At this stage of the adventure PHYSICAL ATTRACTION MATTERS. For some folks it will ALWAYS matter, and for a sub-group of these folks, it will ALWAYS MATTER MOST.


************


But at WHAT POINT in the journey do people start using words like intelligence, compassion, an open mind, provocative writing, a kind soul, a great heart, scathing wit, and unique perspective? When do tits/ass/pecs and abs lose their favored position in the vocabulary of the mating ritual?


************


For ME, it came with age and experience. At some point, I started chatting with people without ever seeing a photo. At some point, once vetted, I met a few men from the site whose photo I had never seen. At some point, I wasn't physically attracted to a man UNTIL I was attracted intellectually, or emotionally, or to SOMETHING in their character.


MAYBE I HAD LEARNED THAT YOU CAN ALWAYS FAKE A PHOTO,
BUT YOU CAN NEVER FAKE A MIND?


PLEASE don't let me leave you with the impression that I would bed Quasimodo if he had character

And PLEASE don't let me leave you with the impression that physically beautiful men don't turn my head

But DO let me leave you with the question, "Can physical attraction be the RESULT of intellectual/spiritual or emotional connections, rather than visa versa?


I think that the comfort and pleasure that comes from traversing a well-read classic, with worn pages and a dog-eared cover, can be MIGHTY satisfying.



Northerncomfort2 66M
120 posts
3/18/2006 5:26 pm

Although I am relatively new to this site, I am far from "new" at internet chatting with MOS. I have found that the process, if done in the comparative vacuum of having no graphic clues as to the appearance of one's correspondent, turns the mating ritual quite literally "inside out".

I have likened it previously to buying a pair of gloves...

One commonly inspects gloves as they are displayed on a rack or, for the expensive ones, in a showcase. We are attracted to the appearance of the gloves as displayed. Will they attract attention? Do they "go" with the clothes that I have or wish to have? Do I find them attractive? Only after making a few selections based on these criteria do we actually try them on to see if they fit and are comfortable. Even then, we may decide on a relatively uncomfortable pair because of the compelling judgements ALREADY made about their external appearance.

But... Isn't the most telling test of a pair of gloves the issue of how they feel closest to us? ...against our skin? What if gloves, therefore, were displayed INSIDE OUT so that the attributes of each that would be closest to us could be viewed without the distraction of the more "external" characteristics? Would we be more likely to make initial, and more compelling, judgements of the characteristics of each pair that would ultimately determine their comfort to us?

Ready? Saw it coming, didn't you.......!

Internet chatting with MOS is like viewing that person from the inside. We explore hopes, philosophies, triumphs, tragedies, ability to think and reason, emotional stability, sound judgement, prejudices, aspirations.....in short, the rational and emotional mindsets of the other. This leads to an attraction.....or not. But at least the more enduring characteristics which will survive paunches and sagging bustlines will be understood and appreciated before being led into a vision-dazzling relationship which is superficially founded on the less-enduring attributes of the other.

To be "site-specific," I never screen searches for only those members displaying a picture and I always insist on a chat before deciding to explore a relationship further. If I find that "toohotforyoutohandleswallower" with a knockout photo posted cannot express herself above the 7th grade level, I would not pursue the exploration beyond the first chat. Conversely, if a lady with a photoless profile and body-type listed as "large" exhibits an adroit turn of phrase, enchanting sense of humor, and a charitable nature, I would look forward to many more chats, hoping that they would lead to an agreement to meet for dinner. On the occasion of the "meet" I would already be impressed with the mental connection established and be ready to evaluate the more superficial qualities that, in the final estimation, may be of subordinante importance anyway.

We are ALL "dog-eared" to some extent. But if the mind of another can enjoy the true "content", what does it matter that others have previously enjoyed it as well?

Clever, as always a thought-provoking and stimulating issue that makes your blog one of the most intelligent oases in this desert sensuality!

Thanks....again!


rm_Lance_Elliot 46M

3/18/2006 9:57 pm

In answer to your question, I know it to be true.


CamCumWithMe 59M

3/19/2006 4:10 am

Well... you DID leave me with the 3rd question, and my answer is a resounding YES ... without doubt, hesitation, or reservation. I've met fake pictures already, and fake profiles, too. That's why I quit searching. It's the people I've encountered here, in the blogs, when I wasn't looking for anyone, that have attracted me.


kyplowboy22 61M

3/19/2006 6:56 am

Very well put, Clever. And as one of those men with "worn pages and a dog-eared cover", I thank you. Later

kpb


rm_1hotwahine 62F
21091 posts
3/19/2006 2:12 pm

This is a GREAT post. I have come to pretty much the same conclusions as you. I 100% emphatically believe that physical attraction can be a result of the sum total of who the person is. Absolutely.

One personal caveat:
A mitigating factor for me is that certain traits can douse the above condition pretty quickly. For example, when someone is a great wonderful person with a horrible self image who puts himself down all the time, that tends to cancel out the 'but he's a great guy' factor.

There's a sex appeal test on the home page of this site that's really interesting. Every factor in it deals, not with appearance, but instead with how they see themselves and what they deserve.

And yes, a handsome guy DOES turn my head. But with years of experience, I've finally learned to catch myself before I get too far beyond admiring the scenery. The Grand Canyon is awesome, but I don't wanna jump into it, lol.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]


clevergirl4U 58F

3/19/2006 7:34 pm

    Quoting Northerncomfort2:
    Although I am relatively new to this site, I am far from "new" at internet chatting with MOS. I have found that the process, if done in the comparative vacuum of having no graphic clues as to the appearance of one's correspondent, turns the mating ritual quite literally "inside out".

    I have likened it previously to buying a pair of gloves...

    One commonly inspects gloves as they are displayed on a rack or, for the expensive ones, in a showcase. We are attracted to the appearance of the gloves as displayed. Will they attract attention? Do they "go" with the clothes that I have or wish to have? Do I find them attractive? Only after making a few selections based on these criteria do we actually try them on to see if they fit and are comfortable. Even then, we may decide on a relatively uncomfortable pair because of the compelling judgements ALREADY made about their external appearance.

    But... Isn't the most telling test of a pair of gloves the issue of how they feel closest to us? ...against our skin? What if gloves, therefore, were displayed INSIDE OUT so that the attributes of each that would be closest to us could be viewed without the distraction of the more "external" characteristics? Would we be more likely to make initial, and more compelling, judgements of the characteristics of each pair that would ultimately determine their comfort to us?

    Ready? Saw it coming, didn't you.......!

    Internet chatting with MOS is like viewing that person from the inside. We explore hopes, philosophies, triumphs, tragedies, ability to think and reason, emotional stability, sound judgement, prejudices, aspirations.....in short, the rational and emotional mindsets of the other. This leads to an attraction.....or not. But at least the more enduring characteristics which will survive paunches and sagging bustlines will be understood and appreciated before being led into a vision-dazzling relationship which is superficially founded on the less-enduring attributes of the other.

    To be "site-specific," I never screen searches for only those members displaying a picture and I always insist on a chat before deciding to explore a relationship further. If I find that "toohotforyoutohandleswallower" with a knockout photo posted cannot express herself above the 7th grade level, I would not pursue the exploration beyond the first chat. Conversely, if a lady with a photoless profile and body-type listed as "large" exhibits an adroit turn of phrase, enchanting sense of humor, and a charitable nature, I would look forward to many more chats, hoping that they would lead to an agreement to meet for dinner. On the occasion of the "meet" I would already be impressed with the mental connection established and be ready to evaluate the more superficial qualities that, in the final estimation, may be of subordinante importance anyway.

    We are ALL "dog-eared" to some extent. But if the mind of another can enjoy the true "content", what does it matter that others have previously enjoyed it as well?

    Clever, as always a thought-provoking and stimulating issue that makes your blog one of the most intelligent oases in this desert sensuality!

    Thanks....again!
Excellent work here!! I should have had YOU make the argument FOR
me!Loved the analogy to the gloves, and NO, I didn't see it coming.


clevergirl4U 58F

3/19/2006 7:40 pm

    Quoting CamCumWithMe:
    Well... you DID leave me with the 3rd question, and my answer is a resounding YES ... without doubt, hesitation, or reservation. I've met fake pictures already, and fake profiles, too. That's why I quit searching. It's the people I've encountered here, in the blogs, when I wasn't looking for anyone, that have attracted me.
My experience has been similar. I did have two somewhat long-term arrangements while "looking" in the general site, and met some nice people in person. But I prefer the dialogue and the depths of understanding one can reach when reading and writing blogs. It seems that we are attracted to the workings of a blogger's mind or some aspect of their character that comes through in their writing. It's a better foundation to build on if an attraction develops.


clevergirl4U 58F

3/19/2006 7:44 pm

    Quoting kyplowboy22:
    Very well put, Clever. And as one of those men with "worn pages and a dog-eared cover", I thank you. Later

    kpb
I appreciate the visit and have been enjoying YOUR writings of late. I am in the dog-eared ranks myself


clevergirl4U 58F

3/19/2006 7:52 pm

    Quoting rm_1hotwahine:
    This is a GREAT post. I have come to pretty much the same conclusions as you. I 100% emphatically believe that physical attraction can be a result of the sum total of who the person is. Absolutely.

    One personal caveat:
    A mitigating factor for me is that certain traits can douse the above condition pretty quickly. For example, when someone is a great wonderful person with a horrible self image who puts himself down all the time, that tends to cancel out the 'but he's a great guy' factor.

    There's a sex appeal test on the home page of this site that's really interesting. Every factor in it deals, not with appearance, but instead with how they see themselves and what they deserve.

    And yes, a handsome guy DOES turn my head. But with years of experience, I've finally learned to catch myself before I get too far beyond admiring the scenery. The Grand Canyon is awesome, but I don't wanna jump into it, lol.
Yes... I'd forgotten that lack of self-esteem can cancel out just about any other fine quality in a person! Didn't know about the test...will have to take a look. Thanks!


clevergirl4U 58F

3/19/2006 7:58 pm

    Quoting rm_lash310:
    Clever, they say that the brain is the largest sexual organ we have, followed closely by one's skin. Compatability of spirit, of mind, is (at least for some of us) the primary element, the base from which any attraction must grow. A picture can be titillating, and can give clues and glimpses into the mind that posted them...but for me it's the mind itself that I consider contact with.

    To answer the question, absolutely physical attraction can be the direct result of the right sort of intellectual, spiritual and/or emotional interaction. For some people (including myself), that's always been the point - a fact that made my developmental youth rather troubled.

    I would also like to thank you for taking this stand, for being passionate about it, and for putting it out here in blogland. You are a rarity in the world today - a genuine person, and are surely appreciated.
Hey Lash...wondered where you had been!

Most teenagers are obsessed with appearance, including their own!! My son looks in the mirror more than I do. I think I would rather spend eternity in hell than be forced to relive those angst-driven, self absorbed teenaged years!


BaronessK 52F

5/24/2006 2:31 pm

I've never looked at a guy and wanted to figure out whether he was 'good looking'. I have looked at many guys, some other females said 'only their mother could love' {in the looks department, supposedly} and saw how gorgeously their personalities came through. Attractiveness will remain, long after 'looks' have faded. To love because of and in spite of is what keeps me with someone.


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