Breaking Point  

clameatingdog 66M
64 posts
12/7/2005 7:53 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Breaking Point


I left all my groups for a few days and turned off my profile. The shit had piled up too deep, and I was in a horrid funk. There was no fun or joy left in me and I didn't care any more. Today, I rejoined two of those groups and will be rejoining a third. My profile, however, is still off for a bit.

To be honest, I am still a bit too depressed. I am fine as long as I don't think or talk in person about certain things that no one would understand, and I have more Zoloft in my system than I have had in two years. It is a bitch to be different in outlook and temperament sometimes. but I am better than I was six days ago.

A friend of mine gave me a lift to the ophthalmologist yesterday. He was going to drop me at the AA noon meeting afterward but we stopped at his job first. His boss told him to bring me in and for us to order whatever we wanted on the house. He wanted him to observe a fellow employee who isn't performing up to standard so my friend could, perhaps, show him what to do to keep his job. Needless to say, I never made my noon meeting, but we had a good time together at the boss's expense, and the social time with a friend probably did me as much good as the meeting would have.

That, however, was not what broke my mood. What did it was the CD my friend was listening to in his truck. It was Garth Brooks. during one cut, I remarked, "Damn, Andy, he's singing me." As we were headed back to the apartments, Garth started singing Thank God For Unanswered Prayers. That one did it. Unmasculine as it was, it was all I could do not to cry as the song played. How true it is that the most painful things today may be the blessings of tomorrow. I still struggle with my life, but something changed. The words of friends, the meetings I attend, reading the Bible, antidepressants, all my best knowledge and understanding, were useless to me. But the music, the words sung, washed over my heart with a cleansing effect from somewhere far beyond me.

I am hurting. Life is not easy here and more keeps popping up. But some of the intensity left with the last notes, and I can feel the return of a some strength to my spirit. There is a difference. They say music has charms to soothe the savage breast. In at least this one instance it is true. Perhaps it spoke to me on a deeper level. I'm sure it did. It reached something buried deep inside.

Babel__Fish 45F

12/8/2005 1:23 am

Clam, your blog made me cry, I understand somewhat what you are going through and I am wishing you strength.

Everyday since you left I have be thinking about you, wondering if you are ok, wishing you the best and hoping that you are going to come out the other side of this depression. There are so many things in our life that we can not change, things that happen to us and around us and the only thing that you can do my friend is try to control how it effects you and the decisions that you make because of it.

I too have been in the spot that you are now, hurting and not knowing which way to turn or who you can trust. In these times you hear in your mind all the negative things that anyone has ever said to you and you begin to believe that they were right–will 'they' are not! Do not get stuck in a moment, like most people do–fight! You CAN do this, YOU CAN beat this! And when you come out the other side you will be a stronger person because of it, I know that for a fact! If you have the courage to write exactly how you feel here in your blog and to your groups then you can win.

I am sitting here crying for you, with tears of concern and also because I feel a bit helpless–I wish more then anything that I could give you that hug, I wish that I could reach through my screen but I can not and Texas is far away. But I can tell you that you are important to me and like I said I have been thinking about you throughout my day you come often to my mind.

((((((((((((((((cyber HUGS)))))))))))))))))))

Your friend, Babel {=}


rm_texasmermaid 46F
738 posts
12/8/2005 7:55 am

Stevester A couple friends are wanting to come see ya and give ya hugs next weekend. So get you santa hat ready!
~S


rm_curiouskat36 49F

12/14/2005 9:18 pm

clam,
big hugs to ya i can understand the depression part, i'm going through it myself, have been having a ahrd this past week myself,
it helps to have friends to talk to who understand.
i remember on of garths songs i was listening to the other night had it line in it made sense, something like lifes highways start twisting hang on tight and ride it out something to that affect.
ever need a shoulder to cry on or just chat, just give a yell.


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