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Starting over
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Jul 18, 2006 7:36 pm
3375 Views
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Well, I mean, you know, relatively speaking.
My inbox is empty. My profile is turned back on.
I have a full folder called "Later" which is full of emails I truly intend to answer.
And it is entirely possible that I've deleted emails that I didn't mean to delete, but I was really getting tired of going through old emails. Oh well.
I'm tired. I'll start on the responses tomorrow.
Good night.
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BDSM, sex addiction, and the path to hell.
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Jul 10, 2006 2:33 pm
3553 Views
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Wow.
I am simply amazed at some of the responses I've gotten to my posting about the gangbang.
Apparantly, I'm now psychologically damaged, a sex addict, on my way to a drug habit, have horribly low self-esteem, and am going to end up bloody and beaten. In an alley, no less.
And each person that writes to "warn" me and offer their "help" straight out says they won't listen to my defending myself and when I ask them for more info they retract their offer for help, too.
I'm feeling a whole bunch of things here. I want to give more info that I think wasn't obvious in what I've already shared about my sex life and what I've been doing. I want to throw insults back at those who have written me and called ME names. I *really* want to know why I even give a shit about what people I don't know at all think of me.
I doubt that any of the people who have contacted me will even bother to read this. They've all declared that my "denial" that I'm in trouble is "proof" that I *am* in trouble. Kind of a catch-22.
I'm not a sex addict. I can see how it *might* seem that way if you really think that I write about ALL of my life on this blog. From the National Council of Sex Addiction:
1. Were you sexually abused as a child or adolescent?
2. Do you regularly purchase romance novels or sexually explicit magazines?
3. Have you stayed in romantic relationships after they become emotionally or physically abusive?
4. Do you often find yourself preoccupied with sexual thoughts or romantic daydreams?
5. Do you feel that your sexual behavior is abnormal?
6. Does your spouse--or intimate partner--ever worry or complain about your sexual behavior?
7. Do you have trouble stopping your sexual behavior when you know it is inappropriate?
8. Do you ever feel guilty about your sexual behavior?
9. Has your sexual behavior ever created problems for you and your family?
10. Did you ever seek help related to your problematic sexual behavior?
11. Have you ever worried about people finding out about your sexual activities?
12. Has anyone been hurt emotionally because of your sexual behavior?
13. Have you ever participated in sexual activity in exchange for money or gifts?
14. Do you have times when you have sex compulsively followed by periods of celibacy (no sex at all)?
15. Have you made efforts to quit a type of sexual activity and failed?
16. Do you hide some of your sexual behavior from people important to you?
17. Do you find yourself having multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
18. Have you ever felt degraded by your sexual behavior?
19. Has sex or romantic fantasies been a way for you to escape your problems?
20. When you have sex, do you feel depressed afterwards?
21. Do you regularly engage in sado-masochistic behavior or fantasies?
22. Has your sexual activity interfered with your family life?
23. Have you been sexual with minors?
24. Do you feel controlled by your sexual desire or fantasies of romance?
25. Do you ever think your sexual desire is stronger than you are?
3 - 4 "yes" responses may indicate an area of concern and should be openly discussed with a friend or family member.
5 - 7 positive answers suggests a need for further assessment of the problem behavior, including the consideration of attending a 12-Step support program such as Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous.
More than 7 "yes" responses indicates a serious struggle with addictive sexual issues with potentially self- abusive and/or dangerous consequences. Should seriously consider professional treatment.
The ONLY yes I have is possibly to #2 because I have a subscription to Playboy. Oh, and #21 and I think that's a biased question.
So, I'm addicted to napping and to ice cream, but not to sex. (Seriously, though, I DO know what addiction feels like. I'm 5 months smoke-free after 10 years of smoking 1-2 packs a day.)
There also seems to be a MAJOR misunderstanding about both HOW I ended up with this particular group of guys for the gangbang AND about BDSM in general. I'm not sure which to address first...
Hmmm. Ok. The guy who organized the gangbang (G . I've been kind of seeing him regularly. I wouldn't call him my "boyfriend" and I have the feeling (but, I'm not sure) we're NOT compatible after all, but that's besides the point and has nothing to do with our *physical* and *sexual* compatibility (which REALLY sucks, come to think of it, since we are SO compatible THAT way).
He's sweet. Very kind. Very nice. I'm offended that people are assuming he must be abusive AND that I wouldn't be able to tell that he is. Which he isn't.
Anyway, YEARS ago, he formed this group of men who do gangbangs. He has standards for a guy to join the group and most of the men have been "members" for a long time. His absolute number one rule is RESPECT the WOMAN. Is it possible that there will one day be a guy who IS disturbed and violent? Sure, it's possible that "my" guy would be fooled. But those OTHER seven, eight, nine, whatever, guys who sure as hell stop the bastard from doing harm.
I just can't emphasize enough how normal and nice and RESPECTFUL these men are. Were they somewhat rough during the sex? Yes and I even said I would have liked it rougher (which I'll get to...). But afterwards they took care of me and made sure I had anything I needed. Did I add all those details in the story? No, I didn't think it was "erotic," but I made the mistake of thinking that some of my regular readers had read my earlier posts. And that they KNEW I needed that kind of aftercare. And there's no way I'd be *happy* about the experience if I hadn't gotten it.
BDSM. I have had submissive fantasies since I was approximately five years old. No, I wasn't abused or anything like that at all. Actually, I just recently went to a talk given by a Domme who says she also had her dominant fantasies since she was a little kid. It's not uncommon.
Submissive does NOT mean less-than or garbage or worthless, people! Geez. Being into D/s is NOT a psychological disorder. ARE there people who have, well, "issues" who get involved in BDSM? Of course. But that doesn't mean that being into BDSM means you have "issues!"
Oh, so the roughness. I did say in my post that I did wish they were rougher. Maybe the people who contacted me just assumed that a GB had to be rough to begin with so my asking for more had to mean actual violence?? One person who contacted me suggested that I would continue to want more roughness until I ended up with a damaged colon. LOL! Uhm, no. You ain't getting anywhere NEAR my ass without MY being in control of that. And I did have to back away from some of the guys who wanted to try anal with me during the GB. Sorry, they were either too big or were going at an angle that wasn't comfortable for me. I didn't even have to SAY stop in those cases, I just pulled away from them and that was it. The image I attached here is the motto of people involved in BDSM groups and they take it very seriously. And I AM involved with people in these groups, not just random "unknowns."
However, I like having my hair pulled. Not pulled OUT, just pulled. I like being pulled onto a guy. I like being bitten. NOT until there's blood, just little nips. THAT's what I meant by rougher. And there is NO proof anywhere out there that people into BDSM and slightly masochistic just keep needing more and more. I looked. I actually found studies that state what I just stated. There's no evidence for it. None.
Oh and to the guy (who I'm almost certain is NOT reading this, oh well) who says I'll "wake up some morning with zosters all over your beautiful face" needs to do a little research on the different types of herpes viruses and how they're transmitted. I understood his/her point, but it loses a little something when the basic facts are flawed.
Also, getting off on "humiliation" DURING sex, doesn't mean you'll stand for it outside of sex. Yes, I like to be called names and be called a "slut" when I'm having sex. I'm really pissed off at the guy who emailed me and called me that for real. In a very derogatory manner. Who says that I'm ignorant of what I'm doing. And of who I'm spending my time with. He says that " I'll venture to say the only men who are following your blog with desires to meet you are the wolves in sheep's clothing..the ones ready and eager to take advantage of you. They do not give a fuck about you, in any way , shape or form. They are pretenders at best,otherwise they'd have no part in it." This person by the way specifically did NOT give me permission to quote him. But, he doesn't have to for me to have the right to do it. I'm so tempted to name him because he's hurt me very badly. I thought he was a sort-of friend. And he's the one I want to throw insults at, reflexively. In retaliation.
I absolutely know with no doubt in my head or heart at all that there's at LEAST one guy who I've met with in real life, who reads my blog, who does not feel that way about me. (Hi, friend, if you're reading this! I hope you know who you are!) I'm pretty sure about some others. And I know that the guy who organized the GB cares for me, too. He doesn't bring me flowers and go to the movies with me and tolerate my wanting to go places that serve girlie drinks all because I have sex with him. Or not ONLY because of that, anyway.
So, ok? In case anyone IS reading this that's worried about me and you haven't written to me, I'm ok. I guess if you really believe that anyone who's into BDSM or is submissive has psychological problems, then I probably can't convince you otherwise from here. It's NOT true that I'm going to keep doing "worse" and "worse" things. I really wanted to try DP and TP and I worked my way up to that. I really wanted to be on film and I worked up to that, too. (Hey, I don't post about ALL my experiences here!)
There are other things I want to try, but I'm guessing they'll sound more tame. That doesn't mean I no longer want to try them. I'd like to masturbate while a guy is sucking my nipples. I'd like to have sex while ALSO using a vibrator on my clit. I want to have sex in front of a mirror. Actually, I think the photos and filming were part of working up to the mirror!
Ok. I'm done explaining. For now.
Oh, feel FREE to argue/disagree/try to convince me I'm wrong. I'm **ALWAYS** open to hearing another's point of view.
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If you can't say something nice...
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Jul 7, 2006 6:31 am
2939 Views
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WHY do people go out of their way to say things to make another person feel badly? I mean, really, if it's gonna take all that effort to do it, why not just say nothing at all and let it go?
I have accounts all over the damn web. Apparently, if you're *PSYCHO* and have WAY too much time on your hands, you can track down my various accounts. (Wondering how much time it took this guy to do that.)
Anyway. I have accounts/profiles on match and on my space (along with quite a few other sites.) This morning I got an email on my space which just ruined my day. He, the sender, berated me for the activities I've been engaging in and posting about here. Now, understand, I do NOT feel bad about myself or about what I've been up to. He says in his email "you're not garbage." Yeah, no shit I'm not, fuckhead. (Oops, did I say that out loud?) But I find it extremely depressing that someone would take all this time to track me down to a site where they could write to me for free -- cheapass -- and then write a LONG email telling me how disturbed I am. I KNOW that a lot of people out there would/do disapprove of my choices. Do they need to tell me about it? I'm bordering on atheism. Do I go track down religious people and tell them what a huge mistake they're making with their life wasting them time on such nonsense? (For those of you reading who ARE religious, no that's not how I feel about it/you. I could be wrong and you could be right and EVEN IF I'm right and you're wrong, I don't see what right I would have to try to make you feel badly. That would just make me MEAN.)
Why do my posts always end up so much longer than I expect them to when I start them?
So, here's the letter I got from Joe Kickass, who according to his profile there is a 30 year old guy from Chicago, on my space.
Oh, and the line he mentions about my mentioning sex in my G-rated profile is this: "I love talking about and reading about sex. (I want to say "in an intellectual way", but that sounds so pretentious and I can't think of a better way to say it... oh, well, guess I said "intellectual" anyway.) Do NOT take that as an invitation to send me crude come-ons. However, also realize that if the topic of sex makes you uncomfortable, I will probably make you uncomfortable sooner or later."
Date: Jul 6, 2006 10:48 PM
Subject: Concern
Hello,
I felt compelled enough to sign-up on this website just to write you. I actually saw your profile on Match and thought we had a lot in common (hobbies, music, interests, religion (well, lack of believing in it), etc.). You were very articulate (it's better than the typical profiles that are written all in caps and broken English), and of course, I thought you looked very attractive. But, I got to the paragraph about the sex discussion, which I thought was unusual. That kind of stopped me in my tracks, but I still kept your profile in mind just in case I changed my mind.
Being the pessimist that I am, I actually look on other websites and do other searches on the Internet to see if the same people that I'd like to write have profiles elsewhere (also, it is free to write people on some of these other websites). Many of these websites are written poorly enough that I could just pull up all the content and photos without even logging in. I also think Match.com sucks as far the content they're asking members to input... most people cannot even string a few sentences together let alone fill in all of the blank areas the websites leave for text. Now, I mentioned pessimist since I actually look for a little more than what people want to share on Match. I have already had a few experiences where the women I was in contact with (or dated) were completely different than who they claimed to be. I don't even want to waste my time on someone that cannot be honest with me from the beginning.
Well, as it turned out, I saw a profile on Match.com that somewhat matched up to what you had posted on Match. I at first thought you posted a profile as a joke, but I was shocked at what you have been doing... so much so that it made me feel really bad for you. Even though we don't know one another at all (although, it is possible since I'm right around Park Ridge), I could see that you do not realize what you're getting into... you might not even understand why you want to be involved with those activities. By no means do I think are you probably going to listen to anything I say, but you are really damaging yourself and your future by getting involved with those cold, meaningless relationships. You've probably kept what you are involved in secret from your friends (the people on Adult FriendFinder aren't your friends) and family. A good hint is if it is something that you're too embarrassed or ashamed about to even talk about it with your family. You really need to speak with someone to get some help, so you can have a future with a guy (not me... I'm writing you out of concern and that is all) that will respect you, take care of you, and love you. The more you are involved physically with other guys the more distant you will be from finding a "good" guy and being able to sustain a lasting relationship with him. It is easy to be sold on relationships with nothing more than physical involvement, but after it is over you are left with nothing on the emotional level except emptiness.
There will always be plenty of guys interested in being with you for one night, but if you don't stop you'll end up being in your 40s/50s alone and only with the experience of being with guys that only cared about you until they were done with you for the night and long gone. You are not garbage, and you cannot continue to let your dignity and respect continue to diminish because of ill contrived fantasies. And, even though you are saying you are "safe" when you get involved in these activities, you are not (especially when you are in contact with any bodily fluids). You are putting your health and safety in jeopardy every time you get together with any of those guys. Eventually, someone has to lose at Russian Roulette.
Even though you're more than capable of finding one, if you want, I can suggest a therapist that you could speak with about all of this. I can tell by your writings that there is much more inside of emotionally than maybe even you realize. I know you're an adult and can do whatever you choose to do (it's your right). All I know is that if I had a friend that looked out for me when I was getting myself involved in a destructive situation, I would be very grateful that they were there for me when I didn't know I needed them.
Sorry that I was intrusive, but I just got really concerned. If you want to reply, rant, ask me something, etc.; that is fine with me. Otherwise, I won't be contacting you again. I hope everything for you turns out well.
-J
Ok, this is too long, so I'm going to post what I wrote to him in response -- I couldn't help myself! -- in a response post to my own blog post.
Dammit, my day is ruined and it's only 8:30 a.m.
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The poll shows overwhelming majority vote
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Jul 3, 2006 8:14 pm
5523 Views
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Actually, I was planning on just posting whatever it was that came out of my brain through my fingers. I didn't know if it would be detailed or not. Or, even what qualifies as "detailed." I really just wanted to tell someone (uh... lots of someones) about what had happened, but was too lazy to write a full fledged post about it quite yet.
Disclaimer: Some details have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. 
For those who wanted the bare bones version: Nine (I think... I'm not sure) men and me. Hotel suite. Yes, condoms used for vaginal and anal protection. Generous use of lube. Extraordinarily nice, above average in looks, respectful, and gracious group of men who do this semi-regularly. I had a blast! (heehee, I crack myself up... that will make more sense if you read the detailed version.)
Detailed version:
I was guided into the room naked with my hands loosely bound behind my back, not blindfolded but unable to see clearly -- no contacts and no glasses.
I was pushed, gently to my knees and there was a cock in front of my face waiting for me to suck it. I did, greedily, and then was offered another and another and another... There were nine men in attendance (I think), but I don't know how many cocks I sucked in succession. I think I gave some handjobs at the same time.... or maybe that was later.
I had had a few drinks before the main event started, but I was completely aware of what was happening when it was happening. Remembering it, though... I'm not sure what happened when. Or how. Or how many times. Or simultaneously or separately.
The cuffs on my wrists were released. I was on my hands and knees with a cock in my mouth and another fucking me from behind.
For quite a long time I was riding on one man, giving blowjobs to a series of different men, and different men -- 3, I think -- fucked me in the ass. All three holes filled at once. The man beneath me joked that he was getting the best deal since he was getting to be inside me for the longest continuous amount of time.
Occasionally flashes from cameras went off. The one who had arranged this for me gave directions, sometimes followed, sometimes not. He demonstrated how I like to be fucked hard and handled roughly, but the others treated me much more gently. Maybe it was the shy and young librarian personality -- which wasn't an act. That IS how I act, especially around strangers. Their "dirty" talk was perfect -- I remember in particular one guy saying that I was such a cute, pretty little cumslut. What a contrast in words. It was absolutely perfect.
Then the finale. My open mouth was filled with cum. One cock after another depositing a load. I can't swear that the participants followed instructions, but they were asked to refrain from ejaculating for four days prior to that evening. Heavy loads for me to collect. And swirl with my tongue. And gargle. Which made me laugh and smile. And when the last of the cum filled my mouth, I swallowed it down.
Everything is on film. Or, digitally recorded anyway. But, "on film" sounds better. THAT really turned me on. Knowing it was all being captured for later visual retrieval.
Someone gave me Altoid Sours afterward which I immediately spit out with a "Yuck! Those are disgusting!" I guess having just swallowed a mouthful of cum made that seem like a very funny comment.
Someone had brought a DVD of another recent gangbang this group of men had participated in and they started playing it. Everyone standing around naked or half-dressed and having a great time. Slowly the men were leaving, but I didn't entirely notice because I once more had three cocks near my face. Honestly, I'm not sure what happened then. I was fucked and fed more cum. I was tired.
I ended the night curled up spooning with one of the men. The one who had arranged all of this.
I wouldn't say it was one of the most erotic or sexually exciting experience I've had, but it was one of the most fun and the most thrilling. It *is* something I'd like to try again. Especially with the same group of guys... my 2nd date rule is currently ONLY for guys from Adult FriendFinder. These guys were from elsewhere. What I'd really like is to try this again while bound. And I'd reassure these guys that I really DO like a bit more rough handling.
I received a few digital snapshots of events today. I got more turned on seeing those and thinking back on the experience than I did during the actual event. I suspected that would happen. That's not a complaint at all, btw. Memories last a long time and I can't wait to see the DVD.
I really need to get into better shape, too. I DID have a bit of trouble walking the next day, but much more today!
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Testimonials
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Jun 28, 2006 8:25 pm
3069 Views
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I like when I find that someone has testimonials and reading them. They're nice. Of course, since you can dis-approve a testimonial given to you, there *wouldn't* be any negative ones.
Which makes me wonder a bit... I don't have any. Even though I've gone on dates (in my vernacular) with guys from here. So, does not having any indicate BAD testimonials?
On the other hand, I haven't *written* any testimonials directly on anyone's profiles. But, for the most part, that's not because I was unhappy. Even the few dates I've complained about, I could still find something nice to say about them. More than just nice. Every one of them had something special about them. Of course they did or else I wouldn't have engaged in sexual activity with them!  I DO have some taste, you know.
The reason *I* haven't written testimonials is because I'm not sure they would want anyone to know that they'd had a "date" with me. That's not low self-esteem rearing its ugly head, btw. I've had multiple experiences where I've been with guys -- either dating or "just sex" -- where they didn't want anyone else to know. For various reasons. Anyway, so it *does* occur to me that someone *might* be embarrassed to have it known that they had any sort of relationship with me.
On the other hand, I suppose I could write testimonials anyway and just have them NOT approve them. Without their approval, the testimonial doesn't get posted. Sometmes this writing really triggers something in my brain. I actually hadn't thought of that until right now.
That still doesn't explain why I don't have any, though.  Surely, guys, your experiences with me weren't ALL bad, were they??
Do other people (YOU people who are reading this!) write testimonials? Would you *want* someone you'd met to write one for you?
Oh, and for those of you playing along at home (i.e. you've read my past few posts at least), my eye is improving significantly each day. Still photophobic, but besides that no pain. And I think I may have lost a bit of distance vision, but I'm not positive about that yet. I'm just glad to be pain-free for now.
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Vicodin!
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Jun 25, 2006 3:55 pm
3115 Views
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Wow. Vicodin is AMAZING. I'm not sure it really kills the pain so much as it makes you not care.
Yesterday I found out I had strep.
Late afternoon yesterday I noticed that one of my contacts was dirty. Kind of made it look like the room was full of smoke. Except that when I took the contact out to clean it, everything was *still* smokey/foggy/cloudy.
Hmmm.
Went to bed and woke up at about 5 a.m. with my eye burning. Great. Now I have pinkeye, too! So, I figured that as soon as I got up at a decent hour, I'd go to the Immediate Care center like I did the day before.
Woke up at 9 a.m. and it felt like there was a razor stuck in my eyeball. I had a friend drive me to the E.R.
I have a corneal ulcer. I can't believe I complained about the pain from the sore throat. That was NOTHING compared to this. Really. Razor. Eyeball. Try to imagine it.
Treatment = antibiotic eyedrops and Vicodin. And seeing the doc again tomorrow.
My eyeball still hurts but boy do I feel all warm and fuzzy!
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Ouch.
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Jun 24, 2006 11:54 am
3065 Views
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I have strep throat.
My mom and my sister are both out of town.
I want them here to take care of me.
Damn, my throat really really hurts.
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Optimism sucks
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Jun 23, 2006 6:42 pm
2891 Views
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I'm an optimist. Which basically means that -- well, actually it means I do spend a lot of my time quite happy. Looking forward to things. Being hopeful. But it also means I'm frequently disappointed.
I went on another second date. And to all you people who might be thinking, hey, I thought you were on hiatus... oh just shut up. Alright, I might as well address that first.
I was on hiatus from THIS site. I'm on another site that's like the evil twin of this site. I hadn't been very active over there before, but thought I'd give it a chance. So, actually I *have* been seeing new people. Just only new very kinky people. Ok. End of confession.
So, in my post about no more 2nd dates, I mentioned a guy who I said I *would* go on a second date with. And then he emailed me. Having read that. I think. So, I said yes.
On the first date, he was awesomely nice to me. He flirted with me. He gave me compliments -- lots of them. Even though compliments make me a bit uncomfortable and I can never completely believe them, I'm still a complete sucker for them. And once we got to the down and dirty stuff, he was attentive. If you know what I mean. (Pssst... that means he seemed to both *care* if I came AND made an active attempt to make it happen.)
I just got home from the second date. Originally it was supposed to be from 8 p.m. tonight right through til tomorrow. Then he moved it up to this afternoon. And made reference to how it would be a close to 24 hour session. Or at least 24 hours of being together. Take a look at the time of this post. Yeah. I'm home.
Second date was EXACTLY what I said they all are in my previous post when I declared my new no 2nd date rule. Except that it didn't last only an hour. Looking at that other post I see that I didn't actually write as much as I thought I did. Other second dates were lasting about an hour. That whole call girl reference was referring to that. So, this one lasted a lot longer, but relative to how long it was supposed to go, is this really any different?
And instead of my not coming at all when the guy does get to come, this time I didn't come and he came three times. He may be reading this and be pissed off that I'm complaining. I don't know. If so, let me point out that it's not personal. It's just how guys are, I guess. I should know that by now. He's also probably thinking that I came twice. NO, I said "I'm going to cum" twice. Not the same thing.
Oh, and not one compliment at all. Good to see you doesn't count.
Really this post is not about him. It's about me being stupidly optimistic and not paying attention to my own rules that I made based on my own observations. I'm sure I'll do it again.
I don't think it's possible to have what I say I want in my profile. My new one. Yes, I'm changing the subject. Guys can't be extraordinarily turned on by a girl and really really want to fuck her AND like her. (I don't mean to rant against men -- it's just that I'm looking for a guy to do that so it doesn't concern me whether or not it's possible for women. Or anteaters. Or elm trees.) Someone said in response to my new profile -- back when it was just a blog posting -- that awww, I was looking for love. No, I'm not. All I want is like. I really dont need love and devotion and committment and all that. I just want to be liked AND lusted after.
I don't think that's possible. So, back to one date only. Because I don't want to give up the sex that I love so much just to have some guy like me. My friends like me. My family, most of them, like me. Hell, most of the time *I* like me, too. I don't actually lust after myself, but I do make myself cum... I think I'm just going to hang out with myself for a while.
Guys who are reading this... if anyone's gotten all the way this far!... this is NOT an anti-guy rant. I love men. I *like* them. This post is mainly a reminder for myself to read.
1) Do NOT go on second dates, chislut! You will NOT have good sex AND you'll be reminded that the guy doesn't LIKE you. Stop. Don't do it!
2) If the guy doesn't get you off just do it yourself. And if he makes a joke about you doing so, punch him in the balls while he's still lying there naked and go back to what you were doing.
3) Don't let guys know that you like sex and not just sex with them. Guys SAY that's appealing. Then they get all grumpy when you make any reference to it.
4) Make sure that there's still some ice cream in the refrigerator when you get home from a date because it really sucks to be depressed and have to get back in your car to go get some.
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Profile-Blog switcheroo
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Jun 15, 2006 1:29 pm
4454 Views
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I've changed my profile. My profile is now what I'd once posted earlier here with a couple of edits.
But, I grew attached to my old profile, so I'm putting it here as a post.
That's all. Nothing too exciting.
Profile for chislut
Intellectual Academic who is somewhat shy at first fantasizes about being a slut.
If I believed in the concept of nymphomania, I'd say that I suffer from it. As it is, I'll just say that I think about sex almost constantly.
I am *only* interested in email communication AT FIRST. No IM. No chat. No, "hi how are you let's fuck."
My Ideal Person:
I know it's not fair. Women have a huge advantage over guys here, which means we can be picky. So I'm going to be just that.
I am submissive, so I'm looking for someone who's dominant. I am not submissive to just anyone, though.
I'm kinky. At least I am compared to the majority of people. So, I'm looking for someone else who is kinky, too.
I'm picky about intelligence. Completely ungrammatical and misspelled emails are unlikely to get a response from me.
I'm picky about looks. I know that's not fair. Lots of people don't find me attractive either. I don't think it's personal. So send a photo (doesn't have to be one in which you'd be recognizable/identifiable), please, if there's not already one in your profile.
I'm a little bit picky about age, but if you "give good email" and are attractive (to me), and have compatible kinks, age is the least important factor.
The rest of my (long) profile I've kept the same because A) sometimes it gets the kind of response I like to get and I wrote it *while* I was very horny and so it's authentic in its own way.
Someone who's actually read my profile. Someone who can spell. Lack of those two qualities are "deal-breakers."
Let me know what kind of fantasies you have. Don't tell me what you think a woman wants to hear. Tell me what really turns you on.
A sample of what I'd like to tell you about:
I want to be one special guy's slut who he shares with his buddies. That is a major fantasy of mine. Of course, since I'm still only dreaming of becoming a true slut, I'll need your help in learning how to be one.
Pinch, tease and bite my nipples. I'll tell you a secret. If a guy manages to get a hold of one of my nipples, teasing it, flicking it, squeezing it... my legs automatically open and my hips start rocking back and forth. It's completely a reflex and I can't stop it from happening.
I love sucking cock and think that the taste of cum is the best taste in the world. .... Even writing that down makes my mouth water (not to mention my dripping cunt.) Would you let me feast on your hard cock while on my knees? Your hands in my hair... calling me the slut that I am? Then letting me taste every last drop of your cum?
Write me if this gets your delicious cock hard...
I'm getting wet thinking about telling you the things that I want to do and the things I could never tell anyone I know in my "real" life that I've done...
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No more 2nd dates
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Jun 10, 2006 11:02 pm
2795 Views
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Meant to write this a while ago.
Actually, I was out on a "date" with a guy who said he "already" wanted to see me again. Before we even got naked. LOL. So, I told him, well, good thing I didn't post my new rule about no more second dates then, huh? He took that to mean he had no chance at a second date. I meant that it would be ironic if I'd posted that I no longer was going on second dates and then immediately went out with a guy who I wanted to see again. Anyway. That's besides the point.
So, why no more 2nd dates? No second chance, do-overs, repeats, sequels, etc.
I self-identify as a slut. That I *want* to be a slut. I do NOT like feeling like a callgirl. Yes, there's a difference. And it's not just the fact that I ain't getting paid.
The first dates are fun. Exciting. Interesting at the very least. There's at least some talking. Laughing. And during the sex itself? I'm making assumptions about the guys' intentions here, I know that. I think they're trying to impress me. They try, at least, to make it enjoyable for me, too. And any "dates" after that? It's all about what they want.
Ugh, that doesn't sound right. I mean, I *like* doing the pleasing. That's not the problem in itself. There's no effort to get me off. There's no non-sex foreplay. There's rarely much sexual foreplay either. It's very very similar to what I imagine (cuz I don't have actual personal experience with this) a callgirl experience is like. Call her up. Tell her what you want. She does it. Nothing in return. (Well, at least a callgirl gets paid, I suppose.) Then send her on her way.
Ok, I sound a LOT more bitter than I am. I'm not. I'm not mad at men. Or any thing else negative. I'm just saying that what happens on second dates is not what I'm looking for. Live and learn, right?
So, only first dates from now on. But I reserve the right to change my mind for certain people. Like the guy I mentioned above.
With him... I ended up drinking too much and we didn't get to the good stuff til the next morning. And, yes, it was good. Even if the jewelry on the pierced cock clinked on my teeth a bit too much. I'm sure with some practice I could get used to it, right?
He wanted to spray my face with his cum. As long as I get to lick some of it up... sounds good to me! Yum.
Plus he was really fucking good looking.
Why do I even attempt to write about any of my experiences when it just makes me horny?
I got a new toy recently... as seen on the side here. I think I better go make sure it works. G'nite.
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That time of the month and sex
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Jun 9, 2006 3:16 pm
2645 Views
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Warning: If the whole idea of menstruation grosses you out, go away. And don't come back, either.
When it's that time of the month, I get really horny.
Lots of guys don't want to have sex with a woman who's having her period.
Which kinda pisses me off, btw. Ok, if you really have a phobia of blood, then I can understand that. Otherwise, throw down a few towels. It's wet and slippery and messy all other times, too. Just this time the stains would be more obvious. And harder to remove. Hence the towels.
Guys finding menstruation disgusting is a huge pet peeve of mine. Don't you dare "ewwww gross!" my cunt when it's behaving perfectly normally.
Honestly, I don't like the mess either. I think somewhere I've mentioned this before, but I like to use the Instead cup. No mess. Clean sex is possible. However, it's pretty obvious that there's something foreign up in there.
Dammit. I want sex. But I'm afraid of a guy's reaction if I tell them that I'm having my period. So, I just avoid the situation.
If anyone has any advice on how to better handle that situation, feel free to share.
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Don't even feel like creating a title.
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Jun 5, 2006 6:31 pm
2641 Views
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I'm sad. Crushed actually. Crushed.
I'd had really high hopes for something that just fell through. I feel like all the air's been let out of me.
I haven't read enough of the blogs to know for sure, but I think this feeling of getting burnt out after about 4 months is pretty routine.
So, the feeling of just having too much of this site for a while PLUS just having my hopes kind of crushed
means I'm taking a break.
I have forty something not even read emails in my inbox. And others I've read and whose writers are waiting for responses.
I need a break. You know how it feels to get your hopes up about something and then when it falls apart it's hard to still feel excited about anything else? That's how I am right now.
I apologize if this is kind of cryptic. I don't have anyone I can explain this recent disappointment to. Not anyone who would understand it anyway. So, I needed to be able to write this much. Even if it doesn't make sense to anyone reading it.
Crushed. Disappointed. Slowly turning into anger. Eventually. Then I'll forget it.
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To link to this blog (chislut) use [blog chislut] in your messages.
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