Just a tiny bit. Don't know if anyone's even interested.
New part (added to other parts already there):
If you can't handle a direct response from me explaining why/if I'm not interested, don't contact me. (That's not as mean as it may sound -- I'm likely to be trying to help you succeed with someone else.)
I can't bear to change my profile, but my "objectives" have changed over the last years.
I'm ultimately looking for an LTR. Not just FWB, definitely not NSA, and not necessarily monogamous.
Below are my fantasies. I'm ok with playacting. I'm ok with acting them out for real *with the right person.* I'm definitely ok with exploring your fantasies.
****
Feel free to give ME any advice on my profile, too. I'll try not to take criticism poorly.
I was asked recently, "Why haven't you written a book yet?" This was from a person who has NO clue about this side of me. She probably doesn't even know that sites like this exist. She's a parent of a friend.
I've found that a lot of people who know me are surprised that I'm not a writer. I think it's because I read so much. I'm never without a book. (Those of you who have met me IRL know this! Yes, I bring a book even when meeting someone from Adult FriendFinder.)
I've thought about writing books, both fiction and non-fiction, often, but I think the problem is that I'm *really* not a disciplined person.
Anyway, the reason I brought this up is because I was just reading some of the emails I got here and wishing I could just directly tell some of the guys what they did wrong. I know that wouldn't be taken well, so I don't. It really comes from my librarian side. I want to HELP people get what they want! I mean, I stop and give directions to people I overhear on the street talking about how they're lost. I've interrupted in bookstores when a clerk is helping a patron find a book, but neither of them can find it and I happen to remember seeing it on a display. I can't help myself.
Once I heard a woman telling another woman at an airport McDonald's that she was upset because the $20 bill she got from the ATM was ripped and that a quarter of the bill was gone. I went over and let her know that if she took it to a bank they'd replace it for her if less than some percentage was missing. (I knew what that number was at the time.)
But, no one wants to hear from a girl who's basically rejecting them *why* they're being rejected. Not really.
They might, though, be interested in a book that was all advice about how to get laid (or whatever they're looking for) on Adult FriendFinder.
Of course, then I realized that there's a lot of women on here there are nothing like me at all and so the advice I'd give wouldn't be applicable in all cases.
Oh well. I'm not disciplined enough to actually do more than think about what I'd write in it anyway.
Twitter. I have random tweet-like thoughts. I’m gonna be a twitterer. Maybe.
Anyway, I haven’t figure out how it all works yet, but my username is Chislut there, too, if you want to follow me.
I have no idea how this is all going to work out… sometimes I give up on these kinds of things.
p.s. I apologize for those that read my blog that I haven’t updated more often. Way too much going on in my NON-sexual life and I try not to mix the two personas too much.
Friend invites and whether or not I accept them are kinda arbitrary. Just kinda.
It's not like I actually add up the pluses and minuses and then calculate whether to accept or deny. Not at all... but these are the factors that contribute to my impulsive decisions on whether or not to click Accept or Deny.
Compliments are a plus. I've mentioned many times that I'm a complete sucker for compliments. It doesn't take much for me to appreciate them as long as they're not obviously made up. i.e. don't compliment my long legs when I'm only 5'3"!
Nothing in the invite and no email sent at all is a minus. Huh? You just want free porn? Uhm, no.
However, no email and no text in the invite AND a hot pic PLUS your own album, might get an Accept. Apparently, I'm more visual than most women. I like drooling over hot pics, too.
You're a regular poster on my blog. I'm much more likely to accept an invite. OTOH, if you invited me a long time ago and I denied you for whatever reason and *then* you became a blog poster... I think you're prevented from inviting me again? Let me know in the blog. I'll send you an invite. Unless I hate your posts on my blog.
Sometimes it's completely a matter of how horny I am when I'm looking at the invites. I'm an exhibitionist at heart. If I'm turned on, I'm more likely to say yes. Roll of the dice.
Did I mention compliments are good? lol.
Anyway, if I deny you a "friend" request, it's probably because I didn't see a reason to grant it. Not the other way around.
Feb 5, 2009 6:56 pm Mood: discombolulated, 944 Views
I hate when I have SO MANY things that need to be done that it's like I'm paralyzed, not knowing where to start. So, I just don't start anything at all.
I swear, in this last week or so I've had a gazillion thoughts, experiences, conversations that would make good blog fodder.
So, what do I choose to write about? Nothing, of course.
I've received a few emails kind of checking up on me and I haven't gotten around to answering those either. Well, for those that read my blog: Hi, I'm here! Not sick again. Just busy and procrastinating at the same time. And stressed out at work, too, but that's another story. (Great. Another story. Just what I need!)
I worry that if I write too many different blog posts in too short of a time that the earlier ones won't get read at all. I didn't even think that really mattered to me! Guess it does, though.
Any encouragement to write more or ideas on how to motivate myself and get unstuck are welcome.
Oh, and if anyone wants to come organize all the papers on my desk and the over 200 emails I've let pile up and figure out what needs to get done first... it would be very difficult for me to try and stop you.
Oh, c'mon, don't be insulted Adult FriendFinder when I call other sites normal.
I have no idea how to go on a normal date with someone from a normal dating site. Isn't there some sort of manual somewhere that can tell me what the rules are?
I don't know what to say in response to an email. I don't know what to say in an email I initiate. I don't know how I'm supposed to act if we meet. What are we supposed to talk about?
Even on here, it gets confusing. I think it's pretty obvious in my profile that I'm not looking for a NSA thing. That doesn't mean that I expect an attempt at a relationship for every person I meet, but I'd like for the person to be open to that possibility. I'm not against one-night stands either, but in that case, I'm more interested in looks than anything else and there's better opportunities for that at a bar or club than there is on here (for a girl anyway.) So, as I was saying... even here, sometimes I meet someone and they want to go have sex immediately, or within hours of meeting. Sometimes that's what happens. Other times there's actual conversation that goes on first. Sometimes there's making out instead of full-on sex. Sometimes there's a "no thanks, but nice meeting you."
As for the normal dating sites -- twice I've gone out with someone from another site (2 different sites), and it turned out they "knew" me from here. No, 3 times, actually. Which in one way is kind of cool, because then I don't have to ever figure out how to tell them that I am or was on Adult FriendFinder. On the other hand, even though they contacted me through another site, I can't help but assume that their primary goal is to have sex with me -- which is not why *I'm* on the other sites primarily for. (Yeah, yeah, make the jokes that that's what all guys are only after . I know that's the joke. On the other hand, I'm sure some of you guys, at least, have been offended when that wasn't true of you and someone assumed it was.)
More than a few times, I'd thought something regular was starting. lol. Regular as in regularly occurring. Then after 3 or 4 times getting together, I never hear from them again. (Except, weirdly, as friends on Facebook, but that's a whole 'nother phenomenon.)
As usual, I'm not sure I have a point here. I just feel like there's some sort of ritual going on that I don't have the instructions for and everyone else does.
Why do gay men get to have such easy hookups/pickups? Ok, I'll admit that *mostly* I've observed this on tv shows and in the movies. I've witnessed it in real life on occasion, though, too.
I was just watching an old episode of Six Feet Under. Two (gay) guys are out for coffee or a drink, I forgot which it was, and basically one of them just says "Hey, let's get out of here." Obviously back to one of their apartments. Obviously for sex.
In the movie Milk (which I **highly** recommend, btw!), Sean Penn, as Harvey Milk, stops a guy on the subway, and hits on him in the most awesomest way. It's adorable. It's hot. (Well, mostly the following scene is hot.) It makes me insanely envious that I can't do that.
I mean, obviously, I *could*. I'm not physically unable to. It's not illegal. It's just not allowed. And, yeah, I get the weirdness of me talking about what is and isn't allowed, but, please, I hope you can get what I'm saying.
The thing is, even when a guy-girl hookup from a pickup happens, even when it's the result of a cute or witty pickup line or not, and whether or not the sex is hot or not... oh, damn, I'm not sure what I'm even trying to say.
Two guys who have casual sex can run into one another later and have a laugh. Be friendly. Hook up again if they both want to.
I think I shouldn't be watching movies while also writing blog posts... I lose my train of thought. I am not good at multi-tasking!
Not that I'm all *that* secret here. People are surprised, I think, that I'm ok with someone finding out my true identity from my posts here -- Hi, diner-that-I-tragically-miss guy! It's not at all that *I'm* embarrassed by being on here as much as it is that I can't stand to embarrass other people who know me and might now really want to know so many details.
But, I've also learned that even though this site is advertised as a "swinger" site, people here are judgmental too. So, I have an alt.com proflie -- one not attached to this one -- too. And a blog.
I like Adult FriendFinder better than Alt. I wish I could write all of my most extreme fantasies here on this blog, but I've learned that that's not such a good idea.
I'm very accepting of whatever people desire sexually. I have a had time understanding that not all others are, even though I've learned through experience that that's true.
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this post is. Just, I guess, if you find yourself judging, negatively, somone else's turn-on's, try to stop yourself and remember how many people would judge you for even having an ad on here. Yes, of course, there are exceptions, but I think those exceptions can be summed up in one phrase: Anything that involve non-consenuality. That's it. And I'd bet that I mean that even to the extent that you might be thinking "but what if..." If the two (or more) people involved consent, willingly, without threat, than it's fucking ok. The end.
Someone here on Adult FriendFinder wrote an email to me after my gangbang post. Before that, they'd been a regular poster on my blog and someone I thought was a "friend" (there really should be a different kind of word for a friend that you've never actually met, IM. It was so hurtful, it made me cry. So, yes, I know people here are judgmental. I know that there are regular readers of my blog here that would be horrified by my alt profile.
What prompted me to write this blog post is that my recent change in my profile on Alt had resulted in a LOT of emails. And only one was offensive. I wanted to cry from the overwhelming emotion I felt at the acceptance of some of my kinks, even from people who weren't realistically a compatible person for me.
Try to keep an open mind, K? If you think someone's kinks or desires are "icky", just ignore them. Even people with icky kinks have feelings and don't need to have nasty emails sent.
Be nice.
The world would be an exceptionally better place if more people were.
My libido is BACK! And with a vengeance. As I knew would happen, eventually.
Luckily, I also know that it will stay this way for a while. "Luckily" because I have friggin' bronchitis and keep having horrible coughing fits. Not an attractive feature when fucking. (Though, I do imagine being inside me while I have a coughing fit might actually be pretty neat. I gots me some STRONG pubococcygeus muscles, aka kegel muscles.)
So frantic and frequent masturbation it will have to be for a little while. Come to think of it, that might not actually be too good either. I know I'm not supposed to over-exert myself when I have bronchitis -- causes wheezing -- and sometimes I do end up in a sweaty exhausted state, gasping for air, even when my lungs are functioning properly.
I wish we could put URL links in these posts. I just read recently two very funny online comics about masturbating and wish I could share them here.
Off to rummage for more online porn (hey, I'm picky!)...
Getting really idiotic emails here puts me in a bad mood. For some reason, outing idiots makes me feel better.
So, probably a bunch of you who read this blog have also read my auto-reply. It basically just explains that I don't reply to every single email I receive. I honestly think it's pretty polite, but I guess not everyone thinks so.
First, I received the oh-so-tempting email from phone163 that said, "I can >>! you" That was it. Nothing more.
10 minutes later, as a response to my auto-response I got this message: Nobody wants to talk to you because you have a nasty attitude nasty nasty nasty. Nobody wants you.
I couldn't help myself, of course, and had to peek at the profile. No picture, nor was one attached to the original email, but his profile starts off with "!!!!NO PIC NO RESPONSE!!!!!" LOL! Why do I have the feeling he doesn't quite get the meaning of the word 'hypocrite'.
So, yeah, writing this is rather childish, but otherwise I just get all ticked off and stay away from the site for a while. What good does THAT do anyone?
I love the feeling of ohmygoddoeshelikemecuzilikehim rush feeling. Unfortunately, that high is always accompanied by the terror that he thinks you're a complete fucking idiot. And ugly, too. But, willing to have sex, so that's the only reason he's willing to see you again.
It's a total high, though, at the same time as it's a total anxiety attack.
I do not actually believe that guys ever experience this emotion. I guess I hope that they do becuase that would make girls and guys not quite so different, but deep down inside I don't believe it.
I'm giddy and at the same time ready to be a complete bitch so as not to have my feelings hurt when I find out he just wants to get laid.
On the other hand, the sex is, I have to admit, pretty fucking good. And even if HE was a complete idiot, which he's not, he's definitely hot. So, I should just enjoy that, no?
When I decided to begin writing on a blog, I never really expected there to be a bunch of people reading it. I figured that people on Adult FriendFinder might stumble across it if they read my profile and take a peek. I directed a few people I know to it and hoped, if not expected, they'd read it semi-regularly.
That all turned out differently and now that I *know I have an audience, as relatively small as it may be, I have a harder time writing.
I often run across articles, either online or in print, that really provoke a response out of me and that I really want to write about. (Btw, these are most often articles about sex in some way or another.) But... I have the feeling that most of the people that read this blog aren't really interested in my views on the rights of sex workers or how female sexuality is portrayed in mainstream media. Y'all want my fantasies and accounts of real-life sexual encounters! (Which there haven't been many of in the last few months. I haven't been holding back; they just don't exist at the moment.)
This is what motivates me to blog. It's kind of like thinking out loud. I don't know yet if I will just begin to write about those kinds of topics anyway or if I'll find another venue for them.
I've also wanted to write about PAST experiences I've had, which would, I think, be more likely interesting to those of you reading this. Not sure if I'll do that or not either.
I've noticed that a lot of people have added the following text to their profile:
**WARNING: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to this or you may copy and paste this one.
Ok, I'm not a lawyer. On the other hand, I'm not completely ignorant about intellectual property law and such.
This "warning" is basically worthless. If you're worried about some random person stealing your pics and using them without your permission, that's already illegal.
However, I did read somewhere... and I can't find where it was... that there was someone doing research and using info on Adult FriendFinder for it. **IF** that person or organization basically sub-licensed material from Various, Inc. (the owner of Adult FriendFinder), it's perfectly legal even with that warning there. The Terms of Use explicitly state that and by posting info on the site, you've agreed to those terms.
That's all.
I'm just amazed at how many people don't get that.
Then again, until I started online "dating" I wouldn't have believed how many people don't know the difference between your and you're. Sigh.
, or just want to get to know me better, read:
. It was so hurtful, it made me cry. So, yes, I know people here are judgmental. I know that there are regular readers of my blog here that would be horrified by my alt profile.
