No sex in the champaign room  

chicagoguy303 39M
15 posts
3/28/2006 4:24 pm

Last Read:
5/30/2006 1:16 pm

No sex in the champaign room

I personally have never been a big fan of Strip Clubs, but that isn't to say I haven't been to more than a couple, of dozen.

If you've never been to a strip joint there are several things you should know:

Unless you're in Vegas, New York or another major metropolitan area the girls won't look like they do on the posters outside (until you've had half a dozen $5 - $8 dollar drinks).

If you're trying to catch a buzz while in said strip joint stick to beer. You'd be amazed at how watered down the booze is in adult establishments (Partially to keep folks from getting to rowdy).

To quote Chris Rock: "There is no sex in the Champaign room, there's Champaign in the Champaign room, but there is no sex in the Champaign room".

If you decide to get handsy in a strip joint, you will get your ass handed to you by a bouncer that would make Sam Elliot in Roadhouse his bitch.

Your new best friend named Candy really doesn't give a damn what you do for a living, that your wife is out of town, that it's your last night before getting married so long as you keep stuffing bills in her garter belt she's your best friend.

Most of the guys I know aren't going to a strip joint to find the next love of their life or even hoping for a roll in the hay with one of the dancers. Most of the time it's a "special" occasion (birthday, bachelor party, etc..) when a group of guys head out to see some bouncies and make asses out of themselves.

I could really do without going to another strip joint. Why? Well the allure of paying, as I mentioned earlier, $5 - $8 for a drink really doesn't excite me. Not that I'm cheap, I just don't like water in my scotch, 'cause we all know fish have sex in water. I'm not really a big fan of the perfume that is misted out of AC vents to keep the place from smelling like a hog house. The music is almost always too damned loud. As my friends and I have gotten older the bachelor party ritual of strip joints has been replaced with offshore fishing trips and golf outings.

For the ladies wondering if we were going there for some type of sexual gratification, nope, in all honesty it could be best compared to taking a shower with rain gear on. Everything required is there, but the additional elements keep it from being a truly satisfying experience.

Why do men go to strip joints? Well not that the scenery hurts, but mainly its somewhere we don't have to worry about making an ass out of ourselves.


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