stories from the night !  

chefdonc2 56M
3 posts
8/12/2005 6:52 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

stories from the night !


As she sat on the bench, high above the water, on the edge of the cliff at cape bear, she could faintly hear the cry of seagulls echoing along the water, it was dusk, of in the distance, she could see a storm coming across the water from cape breton, every few minutes there was a flash of lightning, followed by the faint sound of thunder, she was there by herself and she wondered what had gone wrong with her marriage, she knew they had fallen out of love for each other, was it my fault she thought, for 2 years it was just a marriage for the children, the spark of romance was gone and now so was he, the storm was closer now and raindrops were beginning to fall, watching the lightning hit the water, she pondered to herself , would she find that spark of romance again in her life, will there be a bolt of lightning to hit her heart, to make it jump back to life, the rain was becoming harder now, hitting her face like little pellets of pain, it was as if these were the pain she has known now for 2 years since he left her, the sky became dark, as did her thoughts, the wind was beginning to blow, making the raindrops hit her more intensly, as were the feelings inside her, time to go she said to herself, she got off the bench took one more look across the water, wondering if her true love would come from away, she made her way to her car, knowing she was going to an empty house with an empty heart.... her life was a long and lonely road and she felt the journey now with out any feelings of hope, she dared not hope or dream, because for her that simply meant more sadness and dissappointment, she liked the rain and nature, this is where she found solice and freedom to let her heart open and heal, she didn't know it, but somehow she would make it through this too, for she was a strong woman with a brave soul, who dared to be true to her own self, she made to her car and as she did so her tears began to fall like raindrops... heavier and heavier, she wondered why it was, that nothing ever seemd to last and men always lied to her, cheated on her, or wanted only her body, why didn't a man wish to feel her heart and soul and want to know her mind as well, as she looked up one last time before putting the key in the car door, and she felt a faint soft warmth on her skin and presence over her, she quickly turned and there kneeling right behind her, with a sweet lop sided smile and the softest eyes dancing dreamily, was this vison of a man, she was not sure he was real, so she extended her hand timidly to touch his tossled hair and he looked right into her eyes and to her very soul it seemed, that moment felt as deep as the ocean and as enduring as a mother's love, it reached to every part of her being and tore at her heart with an intense longing, his hand moved near, to enclose hers and the warmth of it made her smile, his other hand reached to the ground, where he clasped a small handfull of wonderful wild daisies, he offered this gift to her and in a low, yet deep sexy voice he spoke, saying, why are you crying precious lady, won't you please allow me to somehow help ease your pain?, I have an ear that listens well, time on my hands , an arm to hold or support you and it seems you are in need of some real caring, now she blinked her eyes, thinking of course this was just a dream, as she looked again he was standing upright, so close she could feel the warmth of his body next to her and his eyes were meeting hers, she met his gaze and her heart raced, as it felt like somehow they had existed forever, maybe they had met before, in another life perhaps, please don't go he asked her and to her bewilderment, she was speechless, he held her hand gingerly and walked her back to the bench, she looked out across the water, the rain had stopped, as were the hurt feelings in her heart, the clouds had lifted, as did her spirit, the stars reflected in his eyes and the moon shone on his face, and he smiled and said, I can speak if you like, or I can listen, she said nothing, so he spoke to her, not asking what her pain was, just talking about who he was, where he was from and where he had been, she just listened to the softness of his voice, mesmerized by the warmth of his hand and body as she leaned against him, am I dreaming she asked herself again, can a man be as real as he...and real he was, she knew that by the warmth of his body and voice, stiil holding his hand, she managed to find her voice, why is it you are here she asked, as she said that, she looked at him, she could tell that maybe she should not have spoken, maybe she should have just listened, but she had been down that road before, only could speak when spoken to, she had no fear of this man, why should she not speak her mind, for the same reason as you he said, his voice was not the same now, she could feel that maybe she should not have asked that, again he spoke slowly and softly, at a point in everyones life, there will be a crisis or a point where we do not want to be, because of circumstances, we cannot control, not in our heart or souls, can we always see what will become of our lives, not knowing what you're pain is and by not asking, I can feel that you have been wronged, how did he know, was it that obvious to him, am I that much in denial of my present being, that people can see my pain, I can read friends faces and can see their thoughts, can I call you my friend he asked, yes we have just met and I am here for the same reason as you, I really find contempment with myself when I am here, as I am sure that you do as well, but we are both here together and now for what reason, like I have already said, there will always be things in our lives we cannot control, they happen for a reason, which may or not be in our favour, yes I was in love too... we have all been in love she said to herself, yes I was in love too, she told him, met the man of my dreams and loved him deeply, too deeply maybe, lost sight of the big picture, we had never really had a fght, sure like all couples we argued and raised our voices, but when I looked in his eyes and the picture of love in them was gone, I knew that it was not meant to be, and now I am here, lonely and sad, but still full of love, she looked into his eyes, she could somehow feel his pain as it showed, yes maybe he is a friend, can I see pain and sorrow as he does, I already have sufferings enough for me, can I handle more, of someone I don't know, she was at ease though with him, felt only the warmth of his being and heart, the girl of my dreams, yes I knew her well, loved her as deeply as you loved him ... I knew for sure he was telling the truth, his voice was choked with hurt, when I first met her, she was married to a man who cared for her, but not with love, I said to my friend that same day, when she leaves him , I will be the man who will love and cherish her, and she left him, and became my love, we had no affair , we talked often before she left him, and I knew it was only time, but I did not pressure her in any way, not ever encourage her to do so, he was a drunk, father a drunken fisherman, he was drinking shine and pointed a gun at her, was not loaded she said, she left that day, soon after we were together and felt as though, we were soul mates, as did I feel I was soulmates with my husband, one never really knows do they, still shakily talking he said, still loved her when we parted and will always love her and hope she still has feelings for me, as I am sure she does, and you probadly still feel the same love for him, however if one is not happy with the way things are going in their lives , then it is a time for change, change is hard, but change is good, just try to take a different route to work and see what change can do for you, its a new route , new scenery, you will probadly be late for work, more refreshed though, more alert, because you accepted the change and feel better for it, change maybe be good then she thought, here I am in the dark, with a man I do not know, holding his hand and leaning against him, I've never done this, somehow it feels good, actually can this be real, change is good she thought... she also wondered why it was, that he never really told her the reason, they went their seperate ways, does not matter, she knew he would talk about it if she asked, feeling and hearing his voice, she knew she should not have asked, I told him my sorrow and pain, why not hear his, am I being selfish, again she thought about change, after all I have been through in my life, am I really able to change now, can I accept things I am not used to, do things differently..., yes I can she thought, I have been where I am and doing what I do for too long, I will take that route to work, the one I never wanted to take, because it was out of my way, step out of my box, do the things I always wanted to do and was to tired or to indifferent to do anything else, why not take a chance, why not speak more to the guy at the store, be more relaxed and at ease with myself, the more I thought about it, the more I realized, where I was and who was I , am I the same person, I was before I met him, don't even know his name and now I feel like I am reborn, not alone and not with the pain, I have felt for so long, can this work with him and I , or am I still dreaming that this man is real, could I actually feel an attraction to someone, I don't know, have not met, am not sure, if I would like to meet a man again ...sure I do, have been alone for too long, too many sleepness nights, do I want to live my life as it is, no of cousre not, but what can i do to make it seem more real, sleep with him, will that really happen, do I remember, what its like to wake in the morning, with arms held tightly around me, that smile to see when i wake, that warmth of another body tightly being held, to hold, I am a real person he said, I do what I say and say what I do, yes I realize its hard to fathom, what more can I say, say nothing she could, how could she, he took the words away from her voice, you don't have to speak, am only a breeze in the wind, won't blow down you're house , am only trying to take you're breath away , and he did ...why and how, I do not know ? he stopped talking, and I said no more either, he still held my hand and I was still leaning against him, for how long I do not know, I am an honest person, she said to herself, but how can I be honest, if I don't say what it is that I am feeling, do I tell him what it is, that I have on my mind, can I be as real as he, and for the first time, she thought to herself, this man is real, and now I have to be as real as him, and be as honest as he is, finally I got the nerve to say to him, what I really felt and what it is that I feel, I have a chance to be with someone who has feelings for me, and someone, I still have feelings for too, we have been together before, but said he still had feelings for his past love, and now he is telling me, he wants me by his side, by his side, I thought, do I want to go down that road again, I want someone by my side equally, to do what we want and to do it together, be equal in all aspects of our realtionship, he has told me that he had no more feelings for her, I really do have a deep space in my heart for him, he spoke, how can you have feelings for someone who still has feelings for someone else, as he said that, the feelings of hurt and sorrow were once again filling my heart, if you really have feelings for him , then do what you feel is right for you, but do you think he is as honest as he says, people often say what the other person wants to hear, was I just another fling for him, she thought, was he really telling the truth, can I really trust him, again there was a long silence between them, what is he thinking, probably thinking of his past love, as I am thinking of the possible relationship, that I may have a chance with, is it the right thing to do, can I trust my own feelings again, just don't want to be hurt, as I was before, and is this man I am with now any better, any worse, am I ready to feel the thoughts of love again, love is such a strong word she thought, is it just lust I am feeling with the person who says, he wants me by his side, can I have lust for someone how says he needs my by his side, but still has feelings for his past love, am tired of playing those games, need to move on with my life, maybe he is right, maybe he is wrong, this decision is hard to make, I have just met this man, he feels real, my heart says he is real, do I want to trust my heart again, can I trust my heart...if that is what you think is right for you, then you do what you feel is right, you seem like a sincere and honest person, someone who has compassion, someone who has been hurt before, what if he is not saying the truth, that kind of hurt you do not need again, we all take chances in life, the odds are 50/50, that a realtionship will work, are you ready to face that challenge head on, take the risk, not knowing what may or may not be, how do you make those kind of decisions she asked herself, been through so many hurts, been through some many downtimes, what do I really want, just someone who will love me for who I am, for what I am all about, for me , for him, can and will that ever happen... it will happen, maybe in time or maybe now, I feel that there is more to life, than what life has to offer, everything takes time, times heals all wounds, time says it all, do I have time to make things better in my life, can time heel the wounds, that have hurt for so long, time for a change, can I really feel love and affection for someone like him, have only met, may never see again, I feel like I have known him forever, maybe we have met before, maybe we are soul mates, maybe, maybe not, too mnay maybees, time to make a decision, what is it I really want, where do I see myself in the future, where do I see my self now, she could not answer those questions, they were to tough to swallow, he was choked with hurt in his vioce, did she want to hear her voice, full of fear , full of uncertantity, what to do now she thouight , go our seperate ways, do our own things, he seems like such a nice person, do I like nice, do I like certantity, what is it what I really want.... still together and both lost in the whirlwinds of their own minds, do you think, I am a fool to see this man again she asked him, only a fool, asks that kind of question to another person, he said, you know what is wrong and what is right for you, you don't know me, why ask a stranger, unless you are a stranger to you're own self, am I a stranger to myself, he does see the pain on my face, the pain i never really tried to hide, was looking for someone to comfort me, but lived through the pain myself, I am strong and full of love and life, I am not a stranger to myself, only just strange and surreal to my heart, which was still hurting, as he was saying things, I did not want to hear, did not want to know, did not want to go there ever again.. and go there again I never will, am I happy to be where I am, am I happy to be alone, no I am not, being alone is no fun, fun is what life is all about, can fun be part of my life again , to laugh, be laughed at and to laugh at someone else, I can only have fun, if I can laugh at myslf and laugh with the person, I choose to be with, softly, he finaly spoke, am here because I need the time and space to heal my heart, to feel better about me, to get things settled in my mind, where it is and what it is I want to do, have no real family here anymore, some friends for sure, but will they really miss me if I go, please don;t go she said to him, he asked me the same question, I can feel the hurt in you're heart, the pain you do not want to show, am I asking him to stay for a reason, do I really feel in my heart, that he is as real as I think, he spoke again, I need a reason to stay here, a plan to keep me interested, do you have a plan for me to stay....

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