Where to start  

charmedlulu 60F
78 posts
3/17/2006 6:49 am

Last Read:
3/17/2006 7:53 pm

Where to start

I have said for awhile, that I was going to start a blog...so here I am. I am not quite sure how, to begin, and I have thought that over many times indeed. I therefore will begin at the beginning, hopefully, I can tell my story and spare someone, the pain, and mistrust I feel yet today. I call myself, submissive. All my life, for as long back as I remember, I have been in turmoil with my wants/needs, not being the norm of society. All my life I struggled through relationships with Dominant partners, who, for all practical purposes, never understood me. I walked into the world of BDSM, quite by accident, roughly six years ago. I was searching, for a world I believed existed...not only in my mind and fantasies. I believed I could find that one person, who could love me, for who I was...the lady, and the slut. I met a Dom on line, who mentored me, who helped me in identifying what I was in search of, and I read, everything I could get my hands on. I searched the web, I ordered books, I just couldn't find enough information. I remember one book particularly...(the title "The Loving Dominant" ) I couldn't put it down, and I cried like a child recognizing myself, page after page. After a period of time, I set out, to make things real. To get off line, and truly be the person I had longed to be. I can tell many stories, of my early meetings, and hopefully I can go back to them at some time, but for now, I am writing about my most recent experience, in the hopes I can help someone out there in the world of cyber space, and also because it is cathartic for me at this point in my life. What I will tell you about, was not healthy. It was not sane. It was not safe. And at times, it was not consensual. Those were the first rules I learned, and I allowed someone to break each and every one of those rules.

rm_8t2luze 46M

3/17/2006 5:14 pm

Hi Charmed
From what I have read I see you have been through a lot. Believe it or not I am pretty submissive. I grew up one of the top jocks in school. A pretty good looking guy and confident but in relationships I always backed down not being the dominant one. I've been told that I am too much of a pleaser in a relationship and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wish you the best and maybe we can talk some. good luck and take care.

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