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dream or reality?
dream or reality?
Was it a dream or was it reality? I could no longer tell, and yet there I was, standing at the edge of the cliff that overlooked a large bay of water. The sun was beginning to set and I could feel the breeze blow gently across my face. I'd been standing there for a good while I know. My legs had long since grown numb and I couldn't move even if my life depended on it. Ah yes, I remembered this dream now, only shortly after the sun went down, it would turn to a nightmare…what would happen tonight?
I heard the footsteps behind me and knew you were approaching. This is how it always begins; me watching the sunset and you walking up and stopping just behind me. You stop so close to me I can feel the warmth of your breath against the back of my neck even though at 6'4 ft you tower over me.
~You always reached out to me and
helped me believe~
"You enjoy the darkness too much for you own good sometimes," you whisper against my ear. I nod slowly in agreement.
"When one knows nothing but darkness for so long, it becomes a comfort." I don't want to say the words because in the past they've always led to the feel of a gun barrel brushing against the back of my head. This time though, something feels…different.
"Then let me show you something besides darkness." New words. This isn't the nightmare of the past. This is something all together new. I start to turn but your hands catch my arms and hold me still, pulling me against you, my back to your chest. You wrap your arms around me and together we watch until the sun is out of sight. Your hands slowly caress my arms softly. "You're cold."
"I'm use to being cold," I answer quietly. You lean down, kissing the top of my head then whisper,
"Let me show you warmth instead."
~All those memories we share
I will cherish every one of them~
I close my eyes and when I open them again, we are standing on a deck that overlooks a wooded area, beyond which I know from memory lies a lake or pond of sorts that the dog has taken a swim in on at least one occasion. I lean against the railing and watch you. You've taken a velvet coverlet and laid it out on the deck along with blankets and pillows…all in black. You haven't changed clothing…still wearing black pants, shirt and boots. Trademark look for you as I have come to find out over the years. I glance down at myself and realize I'm wearing black myself…velvet pants and shirt, leather boots. Interesting. When I look back up, I catch you watching me but can't quite read the look on your face. The breeze moves against my face, catching my hair as it does so. You reach up, brush your hand against the side of my face and I actually feel my breath catch in my chest. The touch is soft and amazing at the same time. You say you're going to change clothes and that if I want to do the same I can. You point out a room before kissing me on the forehead and wandering into the house. I watch you for a moment then push off the railing and follow you inside.
~The truth of it is there's a right way to live
And you showed me
So now you live on in the words of a song
You're a melody
You stand here with me now~
I walk out onto the patio wrapped in a black velvet blanket. I was somewhat cold, but, not to badly. You looked up from where you were sitting on the blankets. The black silk bottoms you had on were tied off at the waist and actually looked incredible on you. I sat down next to you, releasing my hold on the blanket around and you smiled softly at me.
"What do you think?"
"About what?" I ask.
"About all of this," you answer quietly. I lie back and look up at the stars overhead. I feel you move and then you are lying next to me, the blanket wrapped around us both now.
"It's beautiful out here." You smile and nod, looking up at the stars. I turned and watched you, the peaceful look on your face moving me like nothing else ever had in a long time. Out of sheer curiosity, I reach out and brush my hand down the side of your face, just wanting to feel. You turn, kissing the inside of my hand and then holding it in your own.
"I'm glad you like it…"
~Just when fear blinded me
you taught me to dream
I'll give you everything I am
and still fall short of
What you've done for me~
I turned to my side and draped my arm across your chest, resting my head against your shoulder. You looked back up at the sky, resting your hand on my arm, your other hand just moving through the back of my hair. It was peaceful…it was…surreal. When you looked back at me, I knew what I wanted, so I leaned closer and kissed you. Not anything erotic…just exploring really…wanting to see what was there. Your hand went to my face, pulling me somewhat closer as your other arm moved around my back. Despite the coolness outside, I could feel the heat radiating off your body. I kissed you again, this time finding you more open to the idea…
~In this life that I live
I hope I can give love unselfishly~
I traced a hand lazily down the side of your face, your jaw line, down across your shoulder to your chest. You shivered once and chuckled quietly even as you leaned in to kiss me again and I felt your teeth gently grazing my bottom lip. Even as you kissed me I felt at peace…felt the dream fade into memory… and I was no longer afraid of losing you…knowing now, I never would.
~I've learned the world is bigger than me
You're my daily dose of reality
You stand here with me now~
(Song Lyrics "You Stand Here With Me" by Creed from the album "Weathered".)