personal pain.  

celestialdevel 34F
3 posts
8/6/2006 7:17 pm
personal pain.

I am tormented with things I thought I had put aside. I have nights that I either can't sleep or I am plauged by a nightmare of what he did to me. Sometimes I even cry myself to sleep. ~I thought that after leaving him and moving away from Texas I would put aside what damage he has done.

Unfortunatly I did not take into account the psycological damage and the emotional damage he caused by his actions. As an intelegent, grown woman, I know that a woman can not be by her husband and just walk away like leaving would erase the fact that it happened. I had been talking about it and looking at it as a fact, with no emotion.

Now the emotional and psycological effects have snuck up on me. I have found myself trying hard not to fall apart when ever my mind drifts back to anything to do with what happened. I don't know how to work through this. I don't know how to get past this so I can move on. I know I need to seek help but I do not know where to go that I can aford (now).

I am lost in pain and sorrow. I know I am stronger than this. I should be able to hold myself together, but I am finding it extreamly dificult. I am scared that it/he will torment me for a very long time. ~I do not want to put David through that pain; watching me fall apart at the mear memory of what Brad did to me. I hate that he feels that no matter what he does he can not make this pain I feel stop.

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