It isnt love  

ccilian1 43M
0 posts
3/11/2005 11:17 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

It isnt love

Let me start by saying this was not supposed to be about sex. But apparently everything I do, whether it is art or writing seems to go in that direction. So read it if you want or skim until you get to the part your looking for. Either way some of it might surprise you.

Ive made alot of strange decisions in my life. Some of them people find offensive, some are illegal-not to mention immoral, and some have truly caused others to shake their heads and back away, as if to distance themselves from my undiluted truth.

Because that, more than anything else, is what I have strived to offer people. My undiluted truth.

I dont claim to know anything special but I do try to let people know from exactly where they stand with me. It cuts out any later confusion. For example, if I say I dont want anything from you then I mean it. No hidden agendas or messages. Doesnt mean I wont accept anything, be it pleasure or gifts or just your company, but dont be hurt or confused if I dont return your attention at a later date, or strive to keep it focused on myself. If you are done with me then just leave and your likely never to see or hear from me again. A physical engagement does not have to coincide with an emotional bond. They are not symbiotic and they can exist alone.

I started off pretty rough as far as dating goes. If you read my other story you understand. So my refusal to form lasting bonds is not a hard concept to grasp.

Unfortunately its hard to maintain any relationship if the person your with senses that they are not necessary for your happiness. Its good to be needed. I know its something that I strive for in my life. Unfortunately I find it hard to place my happiness in the hands of another. Mostly from fear of them taking with them when they leave. Its a vicious circle.

So, within a few months of the end of my first relationship I began to find my niche. I made a great interim boyfriend. Most of my friends were female and when they broke up with their significant others they often came to me for comfort and attention. I excelled in this category. I am caring, thoughtful, reasonably handsome, and very, very good with my hands. Whether its massages, running my fingers through a girls hair, or other more sexual refinements, I have talented hands. I dont know if its my artistic nature or my fascination with the female body, but I can spend hours caressing and stroking a girl without it ever becoming sexual for me.

Of course, alot of girls are looking for sex after a break up. Its an affirmation that they are still attractive.

Being a boyfriend surrogate in this case certainly had good points. All of the pleasure that spending evenings intimately acquainting yourself with someone, all the stroking and touching that a new relationship brings, and none of the emotional attachments and worries. It sounds great Im sure, and if you can maintain more than one such relationship at a time its even better. Variety is the spice of life.

The problem with this type of relationship is they have a time limit built in to them. Either a) the girl finds a real boyfriend who offers the emotional depth of a normal human and allows her to share in the continuation of his happiness or b) the girl becomes emotionally attached to me and attempts to force me to return her "love". True love I felt back then had to be reciprocated so I never believed these girls actually loved me. I didnt believe it was possible without my active consent or participation. Conceited I know, or maybe just naive, but truthful. My truth anyway.

The main benefit I began to notice was an improvement in my sex life. Hey, I was eighteen what else was I going to notice first? With every friend who came to see me I found new ways to please a woman. It became a contest to me. How far do I push the limits before I reach the boundary. Is there someone out there who truly had no boundaries sexually?

I started with obvious stuff. Almost any girl will let you go down on them. I have only met one girl who was so uptight that the idea truly horrified her.

I practiced and read up on the subject, practical as ever, but nothing prepares you for the first time ou bring a girl to orgasm with your tongue. It is the one time during sex where I am not distracted by myself and I can watch as the orgasm sweeps over her. Its even better if its their first time having an orgasm with anyone other than themselves. I started by working my tongue between their lips, moving it around and trying to find the best way to stimulate the clitoris, because that's what it is about at first. Later I discovered the other options like sliding two or three finger inside her and finding that rough place that marks the g-spot, or sliding a finger into her ass while you stroke the clit with your tongue. If she likes pain with her pleasure, pinching and pulling the nipples is also good.

If you can manage all of it, working your fingers in her vagina and your thumb in her ass while you pull and fondle her breasts and nipples with the other hand and lapping her clit with your tongue. If you can do all this and she is still comfortable with the process the first orgasm should be amazing.

As a side note, restraints to keep her legs apart and open can save you some pain and hassle as well as add the thrill of a little light bondage to the situation. Alot of women desire the feeling of helplessness and domination that adds. It lessens there inhibitions by letting you control the situation. A little alcohol is good for this too. Not drunk, drunk is definitely not fun but a little to loosen the libido and give them something to blame their actions on later.

After that I started to experiment with positions. Most women will let you try just about anything as far as positions go. If they can manage it physically its normally an option. Why limit the position your fucking in, since your already fucking?

I have a preference for rear entry for alot of reasons. One I have a slightly curved penis and if I enter from behind it is more likely that I will hit the g-spot on every stroke. Two, I like to thrust hard and I dont have to worry about hurting my partner as much from behind since the ass is naturally more padded than the inner thigh. Three, I like to slap her ass or twist my hand in her hair as I fuck. I know I am a mild sadist but its very mild and its only during sex. Most of the people attracted to me are looking for someone rough anyway. I dont look like the gentle type, although I can be if that is what she prefers. Sex also lowers your pain resonse. It takes more for you to notice. I once left the house with bloody stripes down my back from a girl's nails and didnt realize until someone pointed out the bloodstains through the back of my t-shirt. I like a little pain during sex too. Actually, I'll hit a punching bag until my knuckles bleed so I guess I like pain period.

But I digress. My point was normally a few weeks into a sexual relationship I am normally comfortable enough to do things like slide into a girl from behind holding her hips and thrusting aggressively. I love to tangle my hands in her hair and pull her headback as I smack her ass and growl and moan. Sound is very stimulating to me, and many other people. Describing what her pussy feels like and telling her how much you love fucking her can be a real turn on to some women.

Thats how far the boundaries stretch for most people in the beginning. Light S and M, a little bondage. That hits alot of peoples' walls.

However I do seem to attract the extremes. Examples are easy for me to come by. One of my first experiences with S and M was a girl who let me put her over my knee and spank her.

It started normally enough. I smacked her on the ass after sex, something I am prone to do, some kind of dominance thing, and I saw her shiver. It was enough of a reaction I was encouraged to do it again. And again, that shiver. I continued, first one cheek and then the other. My hand started to sting and her ass was extremely red. She started to move with each slap, rubbing her thighs together. She tensed before each one, and s small moan began to escape from her lips on impact.

I had no experience with this kind of reaction before and I was excited too. I pulled her into my lap with her legs hanging over one side and her ass square in the middle, already red and very sexy. I love a beautiful ass. After a girls face it is the most appealing thing to me.

I continued the treatment, alternating between cheeks and she writhed more and more, sticking her ass higher into the air in anticipation of the next smack. I obliged her, spanking harder and faster. I was hard again, her excitement and the feeling of dominance I had setting my pulse racing and swelling my penis.

She was moaning now, no longer in time with the spanking but more of a continous sound of pleasure. I slipped a finger inside her pussy and she was incredibly hot and wet. I slid three more fingers inside, and filled her totally. She squirmed around my hand, insensible with pleasure.

She came with the first movement of my fingers, crying out in loud gasps. That only encouraged me and I began to fuck her with my nad as I worked her ass over, harder slaps now, a faster staccato. My hand was starting to hurt but she kept cumming and I didnt want to stop. Finally she screamed and literally fell out of my lap, my fingers sliding out with a wet sound. She curled around my legs and lay there quietly shaking.

I gave her a few minutes to stop shaking and then pulled her up. I moved behind her on my knees and placed my penis against her vagina, slipping the tip inside. She was still so wet that the first thrust filled her entirely. Her moans started again, rising in volume quickly. Orgasm was quick and powerful, and I was so excited that I soon followed suit. Together we collapsed in a sweaty heap, satisfied and happy.

Wow, that got away from me. That's the kind of strange sexual relationship that I started to acquire. It broadened my horizons and gave me new boundaries to work within. Always with the consent and trust or my partner. I've talked to her since then and she will not let anyone else do to her what she let me do. That's very flattering on my part, but its kind of sad too, since she so obviously enjoyed it.

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