Just friends..  

carebearluv2 41F
1267 posts
6/1/2006 7:25 pm

Last Read:
6/11/2006 6:04 am

Just friends..

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about whether men and women can truly just be friends. She told me something that I have heard before but never believed. According to her boyfriend, men are NEVER friends with women unless they want something from them, sex or otherwise.

I found this to be interesting. My male friend told me the same thing several years ago, despite the fact that we have always been platonic friends. In fact, I have asked a simliar question on here before.

I've never been the casual sex or "friends with benefits" type of person. I admit, I have a hard time separating sex from love. I have rarely slept with someone I wasn't interested in pursuing something greater with. Not that I am putting down people that are this way, but it's just not me. In order for me to be sexual, I have to feel something for the person.

Last weekend, I went out with someone on a first date. He does visit this blog so I will not leave any identifying details. I will say that the date was not what I was expecting and we are now in a holding pattern of..you guessed it, friendship. I don't expect it to stay that way though and think it will eventually fade. Don't get me wrong, he is fully on board with the friendship but I am making most of the effort.

So I guess my question is for the men tonight: Do you only agree to a friendship because you have alterior motives? Do you have to have an attraction to a woman in order to be her friend? Do you fantasize about your friends? It's time to fess up sweeties...


rm_verygood269 42M

6/1/2006 8:19 pm

I guess, for me anyway, if I go out on a date with a woman and it doesn't go anywhere... often times it's tougher to form a friendship with that person. I've tried on a number of occasions only to be rebuffed by the woman! I guess even on the first date there is the delicious possibility of MAYBE. When it doesn't work out, it's kinda like a tire being deflated. Both parties seem to find it difficult to carry on. Yet I still have a couple of women I've been lucky enough to keep as friends.

Having said that, I have been able to form a number of friendships with women that I have never dated. These women never enter my mind as anything else. Mostly likely becasue of the attraction factor or lack there of.


norprin5 55M

6/1/2006 8:21 pm

don't have to have a sexual attraction to be friends...i have many female friends. some of them i do fantasize about, some i don't...

King Nor XVIII


ldftb1 35M
214 posts
6/1/2006 8:23 pm

it depends on what circumstances you meet a woman i think.


jdon414 69M
24 posts
6/1/2006 10:34 pm

I personally have female friends that are that just friends.I will also say that I would have no qualms if one of them wanted me to be a fuckbuddy or a friend with benefits.I fantasize about most women I see.


curious082385 31F
4925 posts
6/2/2006 2:51 am

"men are NEVER friends with women unless they want something from them, sex or otherwise."

I have to say that I disagree with that one. One of my best friends is a guy and there has never been anything between us. There was one summer a few years ago when we were both on the rebound and there was some chemistry there, although it was never acted upon. But that was in the middle of our friendship.


rm_kelli4u2dew 41F
5220 posts
6/2/2006 8:32 am

I disagree. I think for at least some men, maybe many men, this is true. Those people are very shallow.

In the course of knowing the guy I'm dating now, I have met several of his female friends, and he has told me of more. I know he has been friends with some of them over 20 years with nothing sexual ever happening.

I have a couple of male friends that I've had a long time. Both are married and I know their wives, but the main friendship is with the man. Their wives are not jealous of me, and have no reason to be.


rm_Rico0825 54M
483 posts
6/3/2006 8:03 pm

I don't believe it is possible. I started a relationship with a young women 18 years younger than I. This was a typical Sugar Baby relationship. Lonely older man, broke young women, she gets hers and I got mine.

But emotional feelings erupted out of both of us after a few weeks. She is supposedly in love with another man, yet she still calls me four to five times a week. I miss her too, but I won't give in because she is in a brutal relationship with a man that is going to jail once he goes to court. Told her she wants to live that kind of life, live it on her own.

But I have come to believe any sustained sexual relationship has to develop emotional attachments. Truthfully, I would believe a person to be soulless if they could.

Now one night stands are different, of course. But I'm not into that so it's a mute point to me.


pretzel_logic2 40M
31 posts
6/4/2006 8:15 pm

    Quoting jdon414:
    I personally have female friends that are that just friends.I will also say that I would have no qualms if one of them wanted me to be a fuckbuddy or a friend with benefits.I fantasize about most women I see.
I'm with idftb and idon both, but any guy that says he's not interested in sex with one of his hot friends is full of shit. It's natural but it doesn't mean we're going to act on it, most of the time.
What I want to know is why women think they can still be friends with the guy they dumped. That's a step backwards and a bad decision, and rarely possible.


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 5:48 am

    Quoting rm_verygood269:
    I guess, for me anyway, if I go out on a date with a woman and it doesn't go anywhere... often times it's tougher to form a friendship with that person. I've tried on a number of occasions only to be rebuffed by the woman! I guess even on the first date there is the delicious possibility of MAYBE. When it doesn't work out, it's kinda like a tire being deflated. Both parties seem to find it difficult to carry on. Yet I still have a couple of women I've been lucky enough to keep as friends.

    Having said that, I have been able to form a number of friendships with women that I have never dated. These women never enter my mind as anything else. Mostly likely becasue of the attraction factor or lack there of.
Thanks for your insight verygood. I agree with the ackwardness of trying to take the dating expectations and shove them aside for a friendship but I still believe it can be overcome. I guess it is all about expectations. If someone feels rejected, they are less likely to want to remain friends. Sounds like that may have been your case with the women you met.

It is good to know you can remain friends with a woman with crossing the line but I think it is due to a lack of attraction as you stated. I think males and females that are attracted to one another cannot reamin on that level.

Thanks for stopping by!


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 5:51 am

    Quoting norprin5:
    don't have to have a sexual attraction to be friends...i have many female friends. some of them i do fantasize about, some i don't...
I agree Norprin, but if you have a sexual attraction to a woman, can you ONLY remain friends?


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 5:52 am

    Quoting ldftb1:
    it depends on what circumstances you meet a woman i think.
ldftb, I do agree as I told verygood. I think if you meet in a dating situation, the expectations (on hoth ends) make it hard to have a friendship when it doesn't work out.


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 5:54 am

    Quoting jdon414:
    I personally have female friends that are that just friends.I will also say that I would have no qualms if one of them wanted me to be a fuckbuddy or a friend with benefits.I fantasize about most women I see.
Jdon, I am so excited that you responded! You have been such a loyal reader to my blog but this is the first comment from yuo, so thank you. I appreciate your honesty.


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 5:56 am

    Quoting curious082385:
    "men are NEVER friends with women unless they want something from them, sex or otherwise."

    I have to say that I disagree with that one. One of my best friends is a guy and there has never been anything between us. There was one summer a few years ago when we were both on the rebound and there was some chemistry there, although it was never acted upon. But that was in the middle of our friendship.
Curious, definitely not saying I agree but I have heard it several times. I did have a male best friend growing up that I never crossed the line with, even though there was an attraction on both of our parts. We didn't want to risk our friendship. It just depends on how valuable that person is to you and if you are willing to take that leap of faith I guess.


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 6:00 am

    Quoting rm_kelli4u2dew:
    I disagree. I think for at least some men, maybe many men, this is true. Those people are very shallow.

    In the course of knowing the guy I'm dating now, I have met several of his female friends, and he has told me of more. I know he has been friends with some of them over 20 years with nothing sexual ever happening.

    I have a couple of male friends that I've had a long time. Both are married and I know their wives, but the main friendship is with the man. Their wives are not jealous of me, and have no reason to be.
Kel, shallow people seems to be the theme of my life at the moment. I am currently working on eliminating those people.

I do think men/women can be just friends, but I am always interested to know if it is because of a lack of attraction. I love my male friends dearly but I am not attracted to any of them.

I will say I am surprised by the married females not being jealous of you, but it is nice to see secure, strong females for a change!


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 6:03 am

    Quoting rm_Rico0825:
    I don't believe it is possible. I started a relationship with a young women 18 years younger than I. This was a typical Sugar Baby relationship. Lonely older man, broke young women, she gets hers and I got mine.

    But emotional feelings erupted out of both of us after a few weeks. She is supposedly in love with another man, yet she still calls me four to five times a week. I miss her too, but I won't give in because she is in a brutal relationship with a man that is going to jail once he goes to court. Told her she wants to live that kind of life, live it on her own.

    But I have come to believe any sustained sexual relationship has to develop emotional attachments. Truthfully, I would believe a person to be soulless if they could.

    Now one night stands are different, of course. But I'm not into that so it's a mute point to me.
Rico, as always thank you for your honesty. We seem to think alot like on the issue of sex with benefits. If it is a one night stand, I am cool with it as long as I know it upfront. Other than that, I always have to feelings for the people I am intimate with.

As far as the sugar baby relationship, I have never been involved in one. I did date a man that was 47 when I was 23 but he never gave me anything except sex. I wasn't in the relationship for that reason; it just ended up being the only thing we had in common.


carebearluv2 41F

6/11/2006 6:04 am

    Quoting pretzel_logic2:
    I'm with idftb and idon both, but any guy that says he's not interested in sex with one of his hot friends is full of shit. It's natural but it doesn't mean we're going to act on it, most of the time.
    What I want to know is why women think they can still be friends with the guy they dumped. That's a step backwards and a bad decision, and rarely possible.
not sure pretzel, I have never remained friends with an ex. I like to make clean breaks; even if they dump me.


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